AIBU to not pay for them?

[Trinity890]

It's my granddaughters birthday coming up and I offered to take GD, DD & her DH for a meal to celebrate.

My daughters husband has older DC who I rarely see, they were not due to be with them on this day (Saturday) but now are due to a change in their mum's plans.

I have no problem at all with them coming along, obviously. But AIBU to say whilst I'm happy to pay for DD, DH & DGD as originally planned, they will need to cover DHs older kids?

I'm not living in poverty but neither am I rich and I have next to no relationship with the older ones.

So many people are deliberately bypassing this point.

She never agreed to pay for all of them, including the step grandchildren. She agreed to pay for four people. They were the ones who added the additional people-so they should pay for them.

I don't know why so many people are acting as if OP is deliberately singling out those kids-when she isn't. She never agreed to pay for them in the first place.

Her son in law and DD have put her in this awful position by inviting additional guests and not offering to pay. I find that really rude.

Don't be silly! You will be flamed on here, with a lecture of 'treating and loving all members of the blended family equally'. If you are not careful, you will be also getting instructions to mention all of the grandchildren, including step-grandchildren, equally in your will. Otherwise you will see a lot of recommendations on this thread for contact to be cut with you!

Honestly the OP’s son in law is a total loss taker.

I feel like somehow it feels worse when people piss take using the excuse of “But the children! Think of the children” because it then makes the piss-taken person look like a child hating dickhead. Just looks at the responses on this thread! People piss take because it works and they have an army of half wits (probably perpetual piss takers themselves) backing them up

Please do not tell me what or how I feel.

I think it's reasonable to say you can't afford to pay for the whole group and can there be some contribution. NOT you cannot afford to pay for them

You don't know this.

Yes and if they go to the Ritz it’ll be another £150 on the bill. The OP has not said how old the children are or where they are going. £19 for a standard meal in a pub sounds expensive to me.

I was basing it on two tween kids ordering burgers and a couple of cokes, but of course you are right, it depends where they go, how old the kids are and what they order. Either way, I think I would pay.

Only on MN would you expected to pay for dinner for an unknown number of not invited children unrelated to you that you barely know.

Pay no attention OP. In the real world, nobody would ever expect you to pay for them .

Excellent post.

I do feel SC are hard done by sometimes on here but then there’s the other extreme of the expectation for SC to be loved as much as GC. It’s unfair and unrealistic, for everyone. And there is a huge difference - My brother was married to a woman who had a son from a previous relationship, this child called my DB daddy and there was pressure for my mum to be called grandma etc. well they split 5 years ago and none of us have seen him since. My brother collects his son from their house twice a month and says hello and that’s it. And that’s the difference - if OP’s DD divorced her husband tomorrow OP would have nothing more to do with the SC. But her GD will always be her GD

Difficult one. On the one hand they are step grandchildren, who hopefully you treat the same as your grandchildren, on the other hand it’s an expense you were not expecting

difficult to cancel as well, you can hardly say let’s do it another day when they are not here when they may already have been told about it

if you don’t pay just be prepared for the kids to be upset that you have treated them this way, and if you want to move it be prepared for the kids and your daughter to be upset as you are defiantly singling out the kids

personally i would just pay

You accused ME of projecting, why can’t you be accused of projecting?

Of course she doesn't treat her not grandchildren the same as her grandchildren. She has no relationship with them.

If they desperately wanted a bond with their step/half (we don’t know) sister’s other grandma then I’m sure OP would have picked up on it

And on another threads having children in restaurants at all is akin to bringing a mass murderer to Sunday school.

This is so horrible. Why would you treat your step grandchildren like that OP? Would you want someone to treat your grandchildren in that way? Vile.

I wouldn't be paying for the extra children, no. They're not your grandchildren. They presumably have their own 2 sets of grandparents.

Why would kids even know or notice who is paying?

Treat them like what? Shes happy for them to come.

How would you like it if someone just added a huge expense you could really afford to a treat you’d offered to give them?

Ask to go 50:50 with DD and her DH as they are bringing extra and you can’t afford all of them.

Lol. How are you so confused?

Wow. My step grannie was the only one I ever knew. She treated me as her own

I think there isn't really a way to phrase it that doesn't sound a bit off.
Though if they're aware you're paying it's not great manners to add extra people. But equally the other kids couldn't be expected to stay home alone while you lot all went out.
I'd either rearrange for another day, or accept the fact you may have to pay for the extra two kids. Surely they won't cost much, they're not drinking age are they?
You'd hope that on the night the dad would produce his wallet and offer to go halves or something. That's how my family would do it. But if you genuinely can't afford the extra two then rebook it.

Yeah but that’s not the case with the OP is it

Treat them like what?

Ultimately “step grandparent” is a meaningless term much like “step cousin”, bestowed upon people who have had no say whatsoever in the choices of the relative who started a relationship with someone who already had children.

Surely they won't cost much, they're not drinking age are they?

Means nothing these days. In these parts a pint of lager is only about £1 more than a pint of coke