Page 12 | AIBU to not pay for them?

Trinity890 · 2025-02-06T14:26:29+00:00

It's my granddaughters birthday coming up and I offered to take GD, DD & her DH for a meal to celebrate. My daughters husband has older DC who I rarely see, they were not due to be with them on this day (Saturday) but now are due to a change in their mum's plans. I have no problem at all with them coming along, obviously. But AIBU to say whilst I'm happy to pay for DD, DH & DGD as originally planned, they will need to cover DHs older kids? I'm not living in poverty but neither am I rich and I have next to no relationship with the older ones.

TheThreeMiracles · 08/02/2025 21:48

If the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel if dd husband said he'd pay for his mum but not you? You'd have to pay for your own ( being the only one that had to ) your daughter has clearly accepted the step children and I think you'd be really unkind to suggest they pay separately !

HipMax · 08/02/2025 22:06

TheThreeMiracles · 08/02/2025 21:48

If the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel if dd husband said he'd pay for his mum but not you? You'd have to pay for your own ( being the only one that had to ) your daughter has clearly accepted the step children and I think you'd be really unkind to suggest they pay separately !

If she hasn't been invited and didn't know the person paying, I'm sure she'd be fine with it. Wouldn't we all?

Tourmalines · 08/02/2025 22:34

TheThreeMiracles · 08/02/2025 21:48

If the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel if dd husband said he'd pay for his mum but not you? You'd have to pay for your own ( being the only one that had to ) your daughter has clearly accepted the step children and I think you'd be really unkind to suggest they pay separately !

That’s totally incomparable.

TheThreeMiracles · 08/02/2025 22:37

That's just my opinion on it, I don't think it's right not to pay for them, or change the evening to another one where it is just her daughter's kids ! Step kids should be treated the same !

InterIgnis · 09/02/2025 02:07

TheThreeMiracles · 08/02/2025 21:48

If the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel if dd husband said he'd pay for his mum but not you? You'd have to pay for your own ( being the only one that had to ) your daughter has clearly accepted the step children and I think you'd be really unkind to suggest they pay separately !

Except OP has never taken on the role of grandparent for them, and wasn’t expected to invite them in the first place. Her daughter and their father were fine booking it for a night they weren’t there. They aren’t the same, and don’t need to be treated as if they are.

OP agreed to take for four people. If another two need to be added then their father can pay.

YikesItsLate · 09/02/2025 04:25

You are not being unreasonable. The parents should pay the extra, and I’m sure they already have grandparents of their own.

Tourmalines · 09/02/2025 04:31

TheThreeMiracles · 08/02/2025 22:37

That's just my opinion on it, I don't think it's right not to pay for them, or change the evening to another one where it is just her daughter's kids ! Step kids should be treated the same !

They are not her step kids . She is under no obligation whatsoever.

Savemefromwetdog · 09/02/2025 06:54

Yanbu, surely he doesn’t just think he can bring his other two along and you’ll just pay for them, no questions asked?!

UpMyself · 09/02/2025 18:19

@YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun , @MrsTerryPratchett ,OP didn't specify the number of step-grandkids. If there are 3 or 4 of them, it would change the event considerably.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 09/02/2025 18:24

UpMyself · 09/02/2025 18:19

@YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun , @MrsTerryPratchett ,OP didn't specify the number of step-grandkids. If there are 3 or 4 of them, it would change the event considerably.

OK? My advice still stands if its an extra one person or an extra 25 people, tell them that it's now out of budget and either reschedule or see what solution they come up with.

Pretz123 · 09/02/2025 18:28

Maybe alter the agreement to make a donation of £X towards the meal and your DD /DH cover the balance?

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/02/2025 19:39

UpMyself · 09/02/2025 18:19

@YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun , @MrsTerryPratchett ,OP didn't specify the number of step-grandkids. If there are 3 or 4 of them, it would change the event considerably.

And hasn't been back to the thread. Honestly, there's not a lot of point speculating at this point!