Sick of having to ask DH for money

[Justlivelovelaugheat]

Hi people. Has anyone ever had a positive SAHM experience? I a SAHM of 2. My DH and I made a pact years ago I would look after the kids and he would grow his business. I have always been out of work even when the business got successful as he says he could make more money than if I worked since he wouldn’t have to pay for childcare nor watch the kids, which whilst it is true, I have always craved my own independence.
I have grown very resentful. Although I love looking after the kids and hate the idea of leaving them, I crave my own financial freedom. Recently we moved house and he insisted if we threw away most of our clothes (luckily I stood my ground when it came to the kids clothes) it would make the move easier and he promised to replace my clothes. Now that it’s time to cash in on this promise he says that £150 is too much money for clothes even though now I don’t have much to wear. This is my last straw as I am sick of trusting someone else for money even if it is my husband. He even went as far to say I’m irresponsible with money even though I truly never am away from this kids so I don’t even get to spend money on dates with friends or a spa day and I haven’t brought anything for myself in a year. I admit it’s probably selfish I ask now seeing as we just have moved but now I could use some clothes for myself and suitable footwear. It’s so annoying I wish I had never agreed to this because I’d like to prioritise myself and feel bad asking for time away or clothes for myself but I truly feel terrible in myself. I understand many of you will critique me for putting myself in this situation but the dynamic has only recently changed this much where I have to “ask” for money. But am I being wrong for asking at such a busy time for him? We have money (I honestly don’t know how much as it’s all considered his grrr) but should I feel bad for taking away for myself whilst he provides for all of us?

If you are. Sham money must be joint. How can you stay with someone who shows you so little respect?

I honestly thought this was the norm until I jwas a young adult.

That's how my parents managed their money in the 1960s, and I had no idea that some couples did anything different. Every month, when my dad got paid, they'd sit at the table and work out how much they had left to spend after bills, food etc. I can remember going into the bank with my DM when she drew out cash (no cash machines then, or debit cards!) and she'd give some of it to my dad for his lunches etc.

When a boyfriend's mum talked about asking her husband for cash for something, I asked why she didn't just go to the bank and get it, and that was the first time I realised that some women didn't have access to family money.

Well L if you must know I spend some time keeping on top of the house, which you know is enormous so requires quite a bit of effort to clean and tidy. I also have two teenagers who live with me so washing bedsheets and doing their laundry and school kit plus the PE kit you always send me back unwashed 😂

Preparing and cooking a meal for 4 each each evening. I also order the food shopping deliveries we have twice a week and put that all away.
Watering and weeding my garden, watering the new greenhouse, harvesting the homegrown veggies and fruit. We had homemade rhubarb crumble for dessert today.

Helping the gardener maintain the woodland. I take the cats for a walk.

I had my mum and dad over for lunch yesterday. I go into my home town twice a week to visit family or friends. My husband mainly works from home now so we often have lunch out together.

But.... Sometimes, when I am on top of everything, I do just nothing 😁

You’re 34 and have decided you don’t want children of your own @GreenGully

you poor sod… you end up with someone else’s teenagers living with you, doing their laundry, cooking and cleaning up after them.

bloody hell, what a life!

I didn't 'end up' with someone else's teenagers. I chose to enter into a relationship with a man who already had children and accepted they came as part of the package. Fortunately, my stepsons are great and we all get alone fine as I have been on the scene since they were little. This set up has been perfect for me as I have never wanted children of my own.

It's a lovely life actually. I don't have to work. My husband is a millionaire. My stepkids are great. I do what I want when I want and get to enjoy family life without having popped them out.

I assume you have to do housework on top of working? That is what would cause me to say 'bloody hell, what a life!' But each to her own.

Your husband is not a great man. Wake up He's controlling you.

I work part time
have a cleaner
yes do housework but don’t mind at all as I’m anal about it!

I have two children. Always wanted. And so no issue cooking cleaning and doing laundry for them.

my point was, the thought of thinking “no way am I going to have children” but still be cleaning the pants of cooking for and tidying up after two teen boys that aren’t mine, and im only 34myself! Well, you earn and deserve that millionaires lifestyle that @GreenGully 😂

and I’m guessing DP is no spring chicken if he has teens, a millionaire and you’re only 34!

what drew you to him I wonder?

'I have two children. Always wanted. And so no issue cooking cleaning and doing laundry for them.'

I have no issue cooking, cleaning or doing laundry for my stepsons. I wouldn't have got with a man with children if that were the case. Just because you would make a terrible stepmother that doesn't mean other women feel the same way about looking after children who are not biologically theirs.

We clicked because we share the same values, sense of humour, politics, support for Liverpool, he is intelligent, kind, caring and affectionate. He gets on with my family and I his.

My husband wasn't a millionaire when we got together, in fact he was still going through a messy divorce with no idea how much money he was going to have to pay her as a divorce settlement and still had a hefty mortgage.

It just so happens his business has been extremely successful in recent years and he has now gone into construction too, so is earning anywhere from £300k - £500k pa and whilst being mortgage free.

Tell him this wage needs to increase to a living wage. If he can afford to take on others he can afford to pay you properly. Infact for your pension to be worthwhile he is actually already paying you a decent wage on paper - it is probably just going into his account!

Tell him either he changes this so you have control of a decent amount of money each week or you will get a job and he will have to deal with the kids.

He's replaced his clothes so gods sake replace yours. He is isolating you from family and preventing you from. Making friends as you have no clothes ... that is very nasty!

Yes, that does seem a rather tragic turn of events! @GreenGully

It’s not more tax efficient - it’s fraud.

Have you seen the company back accounts - is it solvent?

Why would you stay with someone abusing you - it that what you want you children to grow up seeing. Check the joint bank account and savings accounts - is there money in them. Get yourself access to everything

You tell him nor ask that you will be looking for a job and thats not ip for discussion.

your mental health, your freedom and independance will save your marriage. Explain that to him.

i have mostly positive on my time at home with the kids, but i never rarely asked for money as it was in the joint acct, some minths were more expensive than others so he could be like what more… but thats because he never buys anything except fir him so he has no idea how much things cost.
even today, the kids are teenagers and now i send them to him for money he fells off his seat all the time it s so funny (i know i know i am can be a little mean) but that's not controlling. Thats being completely naive.

your husband is controlling. Do not ask, tell him.