Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Possible final straw with DH

292 replies

BestMumAva · 05/02/2025 16:14

I have name changed for this because I'm so embarrassed.

My DH went out with the lads last night, i don't know what time he got in as I was already asleep. This morning my alarm went off for work and I noticed the room smelt absolutely foul. I couldn't work out where it was coming from at first and thought the dog had messed in the house. I pulled the covers back and to my absolute horror, DH had fallen asleep next to me with no pants on and the bed was filled with what I can only describe as fecal confetti. I was absolutely repulsed and really really upset that he had got himself into such a state that this could happen.
As if things couldn't get any worse, the bathroom looked like it had been pebble-dashed - up the walls, over the edge of the bath, on the towels. I'm disgusted by him.
I didnt clean it up and he was still comatose when i left for work. He has texted me around midday wishing me a good day at work as if nothing has happened.
I don't want to go home and i don't even know where to begin discussing this with him,
WIBU to stay at a friend's tonight?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 05/02/2025 19:40

Since I've just dumped a bloke because he farts too much, I can say with absolute certainty this would be a deal breaker for me. I would never ever find him sexy again. Grim.

Pennnyforthright · 05/02/2025 19:42

Definitely last straw @BestMumAva . 💐

CountessWindyBottom · 05/02/2025 19:43

You know you need to break up with this scumbag don’t you @BestMumAva?

There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for seeking out geriatric prostitutes and covering your house in shit. He has ZERO respect for you.

Make sure he replaces everything he has damaged, cleans up properly and then kick him out.

JustMyView13 · 05/02/2025 19:45

Wow, what a catch he is.
Messaging escorts.
Shitting himself in bed after a few beers & a curry.
I’d be gone, quicker than that shit left his backside.

Thatissimplyuntrue · 05/02/2025 19:48

BestMumAva · 05/02/2025 18:30

I don't know if he's cleaned it up.

Yes we have a 3 year old who is staying with grandparents this week anyway.

Go to a hotel and start getting some legal info re divorce. You deserve better than shit in the bed and searching for escorts. Yuk. You are better alone than this poor excuse for a human.

GoldenLegend · 05/02/2025 19:49

Goodness me, OP. Raise your bar. I would have dumped him for 'chatting' to escorts, let alone this.

BTW, it's never chatting. Do you really think it is or did you try to convince yourself of that.

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 05/02/2025 19:59

No. No. Dump him. So to speak. Awful man . x

TheWiresAreInTheAirNow · 05/02/2025 20:00

Poo. Escorts. Coke. Drink.

Got it all this thread...

Rinkytoo · 05/02/2025 20:04

I would’ve rubbed his nose in it like people used to do to pets when they sh*t in the house

ThisOldThang · 05/02/2025 20:08

CaptainAwkward · 05/02/2025 16:33

Funny how it never seems to be blokes reporting how their female partners regularly get hammered then piss and shit all over the family home

My wife shat the bed when we went on a city break...

That was due to drinking/clubbing.

Rinkytoo · 05/02/2025 20:11

Imagine your child when older confided in you that their spouse sh*t the bed after getting hideously drunk, coated the bathroom with it and AND had been contacting 80 year old escorts! Is that a relationship you would encourage them to continue? Well no it’s not, because your husband is a fucking disgrace and for all I know you could be an awful person OP, but I feel confident that regardless, you’d still deserve better than this. And your DC deserves better than having that as a role model.

RoomtownBat · 05/02/2025 20:19

BunnyLake · 05/02/2025 17:29

You think you’ve led a quiet life, I honestly thought it was referring to coca cola 😂

Show quote history

🙌 well… I did stop and think tbh!! Then I realised it meant cocaine! 😁

Saggyknickers · 05/02/2025 20:19

ThisOldThang · 05/02/2025 20:08

My wife shat the bed when we went on a city break...

That was due to drinking/clubbing.

Show quote history

I doubt "clubbing" made your wife shit the bed - too much drink, maybe.

Did she then lie in it all night and leave you to discover it the next day? And then not mention it? Or was she mortified and apologetic? The h in question here couldve possibly salvaged the situation by grovelling to the OP, telling her how sorry/embarrassed he was and then setting fire to the whole lot and ensuring her there will be new bed stuff when she gets home. Instead he has tried to completely ignore it happend and then has come up with a lie about it being the result of a dodgy curry to try and place blame elsewhere rather than it being the result of a night out on the lash and possibly snorting coke.

Im willing to bet £100 he hasn't even bothered to properly clean it up when the op gets back.

Nearly all my friends have stories like this about their dh - usually pissing in a corner of the room tbf, but a couple of bed-shitters too. This thread has actually brought back a memory of when dh did it years back - but he was ill in bed and sharted and didn't immediately realise! He was very sorry though and immediately jumped up to clean it up.

It took me a while to get over it though!

greengreyblue · 05/02/2025 20:22

He’s be dumped because of the cheating with a granny, not the stomach bug!

greengreyblue · 05/02/2025 20:23

I don’t get why he did it all over the bathroom.

Itiswhysofew · 05/02/2025 20:28

That is so awful. It's a pretty disgusting state to get yourself into.

If he hasn't cleaned everything then you'll know how he really, truly feels.

Hope you have a lovely friend you can stay with tonight.

ThisOldThang · 05/02/2025 20:36

Saggyknickers · 05/02/2025 20:19

I doubt "clubbing" made your wife shit the bed - too much drink, maybe.

Did she then lie in it all night and leave you to discover it the next day? And then not mention it? Or was she mortified and apologetic? The h in question here couldve possibly salvaged the situation by grovelling to the OP, telling her how sorry/embarrassed he was and then setting fire to the whole lot and ensuring her there will be new bed stuff when she gets home. Instead he has tried to completely ignore it happend and then has come up with a lie about it being the result of a dodgy curry to try and place blame elsewhere rather than it being the result of a night out on the lash and possibly snorting coke.

Im willing to bet £100 he hasn't even bothered to properly clean it up when the op gets back.

Nearly all my friends have stories like this about their dh - usually pissing in a corner of the room tbf, but a couple of bed-shitters too. This thread has actually brought back a memory of when dh did it years back - but he was ill in bed and sharted and didn't immediately realise! He was very sorry though and immediately jumped up to clean it up.

It took me a while to get over it though!

Show quote history

"Did she then lie in it all night and leave you to discover it the next day?"

Yes.

I woke up in the morning to the Airbnb owner banging on the door shouting:

'You need to leave. Vee need to clean vee apartment.'

My wife, with perfect comic timing, said:

'I'll give him something to fucking clean.'

She whipped back the covers to reveal a shit apocalypse. She'd been lying in it all night, but it had certainly spread to my side of the bed.

I hopped straight in the shower, naturally.

For the record, I do think that 'clubbing' was partly to blame.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 05/02/2025 20:42

ExH pissed all over the bed on Xmas eve once and also on holiday.Vile.

sugarandfudge · 05/02/2025 20:49

I agree that the previous transgression is worse than drinking himself into such a state that he'd make such a mess (and leave it for you to find, then fail to apologise), but both are bad. I can't imagine living with someone for whom this level of boozing is normal enough that he seems to think nothing of it. That's no kind of life, so I'd get out while I could. It's not good for your child to be exposed to a frequently drunk parent, either.

Original poster
BestMumAva · 05/02/2025 20:55

I still haven't gone home, I've checked myself into the local travelodge for the night. I asked DH if he has cleaned up but he is dodging the question and just keeps saying he had a bad curry and acting all casual like it is the most normal thing in the world.
I need some time to clear my head. The person who said about the farts - DH does do the most repulsive gut-wrenching farts and that grosses me out enough but this is now next level and it;s bringing all of that up.
I still don't think I have dealt with the stuff about the elderly sex worker either. Do you really think it may have gone further than just messaging? I'm doubting his story now.

OP posts:
AlertCat · 05/02/2025 21:00

I’m sorry @BestMumAva , he isn’t being open and honest about something you actually saw. I wouldn’t expect him to be honest about something you didn’t see.

I would LTB, this is beyond. He’s so far over the line that he can’t even see the line.

Shetlands · 05/02/2025 21:03

"I still don't think I have dealt with the stuff about the elderly sex worker either. Do you really think it may have gone further than just messaging?"

I don't want to upset you further as you're having a horrible time but why would it stay at just messaging? He clearly wants to satisfy a sexual desire and it's unlikely he'll do that without some kind of sexual encounter. If he just wants to chat to women in their 80s he could go on a coach trip.

MoonWoman69 · 05/02/2025 21:06

JHC on a fucking bike!!!
I can't believe you're even saying you're so confused?!
He's a potential granny banger for a start and I reckon if he's been looking, he's already been there, sorry OP! What was his excuse when you found that out?! Other than he was "just looking"? I'd have been gone at that point to be honest!
And then he covers you, the bed and the bathroom in his shit-nami! How the hell hasn't he trodden/dripped it all over the floors, getting to the bathroom more to the point?!
What the hell does he actually bring to the relationship that you're questioning your position?
I think you know what you need to do, get those quackers in a row and get out of there! This wouldn't even be a consideration for me, he's a cheat, a revolting pig AND he wants 80 year olds as shag pieces! 🤢

Iaminthefly · 05/02/2025 21:08

@BestMumAva Even if it was 'only' chatting (which I seriously doubt given you can nip to see an escort in the time it takes to pop to the local chippy) that alone is more than enough to end the relationship.

Talking to sex workers, shitting all over your house and not even apologising? Is this the life you want for yourself? Would you want your daughter to endure a partner like this? No! Why should it be any different for you?

Iaminthefly · 05/02/2025 21:10

I had an ex who would piss all over the bed and carpets drunk and that was bad enough. Waking up to shit is just another level of trauma. Imagine if your child had been home???