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AIBU?

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Original poster

Possible final straw with DH

292 replies

BestMumAva · 05/02/2025 16:14

I have name changed for this because I'm so embarrassed.

My DH went out with the lads last night, i don't know what time he got in as I was already asleep. This morning my alarm went off for work and I noticed the room smelt absolutely foul. I couldn't work out where it was coming from at first and thought the dog had messed in the house. I pulled the covers back and to my absolute horror, DH had fallen asleep next to me with no pants on and the bed was filled with what I can only describe as fecal confetti. I was absolutely repulsed and really really upset that he had got himself into such a state that this could happen.
As if things couldn't get any worse, the bathroom looked like it had been pebble-dashed - up the walls, over the edge of the bath, on the towels. I'm disgusted by him.
I didnt clean it up and he was still comatose when i left for work. He has texted me around midday wishing me a good day at work as if nothing has happened.
I don't want to go home and i don't even know where to begin discussing this with him,
WIBU to stay at a friend's tonight?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 05/02/2025 18:58

No stomach bug is bad enough to warrant the kind of mess that the OP has described , he’s an adult ffs . I’d just text him and say no stomach bug makes you comatose and incontinent and that this is the final straw . What would be your plan he moves out , you move out , do you have somewhere to go ?
I really want to know who the 3% are that think the OP is being unreasonable.

Zanzara · 05/02/2025 18:59

Justgorgeous · 05/02/2025 17:33

I wouldn’t want any of it washed. All in the bin and replaced.

This, all day, including the mattress.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 05/02/2025 18:59

So where is your daughter OP?

mathanxiety · 05/02/2025 19:00

@BestMumAva

Don't be confused. If it was just a stomach bug he should have cleaned it up immediately. The fact is he's a lazy, drunken slob who is happy to literally wallow in his own shit and thinks it's good enough treatment for you too.

He clearly believes you'll put up with the most appalling disrespect.

This is not a man who loves, honors, or cherishes you.

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 05/02/2025 19:00

You wouldn't believe the number of people who go out drinking, eat something dodgy or just drink too much and who still make a good effort to contain it in the toilet. In fact, I'd go so far as to say they are in the overwhelming majority.

Tell him he's got 24 hours to clean up his shit from everywhere including sanitising it, properly.

ThriveIn2025 · 05/02/2025 19:01

Raise. The. Bar.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 05/02/2025 19:02

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 05/02/2025 18:49

Possible stomach flu? Lots of winter viruses are doing the rounds. Also, could be something more serious, bowel related. Best to see G.P. Not nice for you to wake up to. I’d hate that so much.

If he'd not been blind drunk he'd have been able to deal with his own stomach flu by waking up and reaching the loo in time. I've had some terrible, terrible stomach bugs in my time. I've never shat the bed and I've never missed the loo.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 05/02/2025 19:12

My favourite thing to think at times like this is 'what would you say to your best friend if they told you this was happening to them'?
Would you say 'oh everyone gets blind drunk and shits everywhere and or does drugs plus messages someone else about sex (at a minimum)' or would you say 'holy fuck that's awful, come stay with me for a few days while we sort everything out and you get advice around separation and housing etc'.

It's good timing that your daughter is away this week, gives you space and time to get things sorted before she returns. Children are incredibly resilient and adaptable if you present it as a big adventure.

Good luck op.

CustardySergeant · 05/02/2025 19:12

TwigletsAndRadishes · 05/02/2025 18:59

So where is your daughter OP?

The OP said she's staying with grandparents this week.

thescandalwascontained · 05/02/2025 19:14

He sounds gross and untrustworthy...

MadeForThis · 05/02/2025 19:14

That's foul. So he's spent the day in bed?

Even if he was food poisoned he would have realised that he had shit all over the bed and up the walls. Eewwww

ShelleyCarpenter · 05/02/2025 19:19

I’d never be able to kiss him again, let alone have sex with him. What a disgusting man.

JudgeJ · 05/02/2025 19:20

Createausername1970 · 05/02/2025 16:16

I would reply to his text and ask if he has cleaned the bathroom and changed the bedding.

Burned the bedding and been out to buy more!

Easipeelerie · 05/02/2025 19:20

I don’t understand why you’re still with him.

Beeloux · 05/02/2025 19:20

Finding the messages with the 80yo prostitute would have been the final straw for me.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 05/02/2025 19:22

Is this real? An 80 year old sex worker?
Whose great grandmother would really be doing that at 80?

ERthree · 05/02/2025 19:25

Please give your child a better life than they one they have with a cheating lying father.

LittleMG · 05/02/2025 19:26

He’s on escort sites and shits everywhere. Honestly that would make me feel sick. I couldn’t let him near me after that.

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/02/2025 19:30

Shitting the bed is grim, no matter what the reason but the only excuse for not immediately apologising and making it clear you've done a deep clean and are extremely sorry.. is serious illness, ie, so ill you're unaware and incapable.

The fact he hasn't properly apologised or made any effort to let you know he has cleaned up, but has actually tried to ignore it/play it down... thats the death knell for me.

The granny fetish is next level ew.

Iwiicit · 05/02/2025 19:31

Honestly, this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever read, both in terms of the bed incident and the granny fetish. If you were my daughter I wouldn't want you to set foot back in that house ever again. For your sake, and even moreso your daughter's, please leave him and don't look back. No decent human would ever behave like this.

swimlyn · 05/02/2025 19:33

Wendolino · 05/02/2025 17:51

The dirty bastard. If he can't handle booze he should stay in and stay sober.
I'd stay away for a week and issue a final ultimatum.
(Fecal confetti is a brilliant description).

Ask him what alcohol and drugs he took while out. No way is that paralysis 'behaviour' a result of a few too many drinks.

A childhood friend of mine progressed onto more and more heavy stuff. He felt he was having a great time unfortunately. He’s no longer with us.

Sunhatweather · 05/02/2025 19:37

I don’t know you, OP, but I do know you deserve much, MUCH better than whatever he has to offer you.

swimlyn · 05/02/2025 19:37

"I really want to know who the 3% are that think the OP is being unreasonable."

Ket users I would guess…

spikefaithbuffy · 05/02/2025 19:37

No excuse

I had campylobacter where I was shitting myself every 15 mins for over a week and ended up in hospital
Even with that, and being alone, the bathroom was clean

arcticpandas · 05/02/2025 19:40

So he wants to buy sex from an 80 year old and he shits all over the place and doesn't even have the decency to acknowledge it? Why oh why would you stay with someone like this? This is probably just the top of the iceberg OP so throw the dirty pig out and get tested for Stds. I am so sorry but you deserve better than this. Jesus.