To think DP's Ex is selfish - RANT

[kiana2015]

My DP has a DS with his Ex, let's call her Claire. Claire works and also receives benefits, she rents a house and gets all of her rent paid by universal credit as well as the local council paying the top up amount. Claire also receives child maintenance. I have worked out Claire makes more than me or my partner. Claire buys herself new clothes every single month, gets her hair and nails done and goes out for coffee 4-5 times a week. Every month for the past 8 months, Claire has messaged my partner to say she has no money for their DS food. Obviously I would never see their DS or even her go without food but if it was me or any respectable person, would t it be wise to budget like a normal person, if you can't afford FOOD which is a basic necessity then cut out all of your own 'fun stuff' sorry not even looking for opinions more just a rant as it's really grating me. Claire also stops us going on fun family days out as she states she can't afford to do this so it's not fair we should, which in turn causes DS to miss out, if it was my child I would want them to have fun and experiences.

You have a DP problem regarding the fun day outs, and probably throughout your relationship. He could say no to her and take his son out so why doesn't he?

Claire doesn’t get child maintenance. Your DP pays his share to care for his child.

That she spends on herself as he buys all DS clothes, shoes, uniforms etc and now food for him and her

I have worked out Claire makes more than me or my partner. Claire buys herself new clothes every single month, gets her hair and nails done and goes out for coffee 4-5 times a week.

How do you know this?

Anyway, its your partners problem, not yours. If you don't go out with your partner how did you manage to date in the first place?

Is he giving her extra money when she asks? How’s she making DS miss out on activities with you? Don’t tell her beforehand if it’s during usual contact time.

It’s up to DP to manage her, she’s his ex. You’ll drive yourself mad counting how often she has coffee out, it’s not helping anyone.

🙄 oh yay another bitter benefit basher.

Ooh benefit claimer and first wife bashing in one thread. Good job.

What does your CAO say?
Tell Claire you'll be around in 20 mins to collect DS so he can eat at yours.

Stop telling her what days you have planned and get your partner to collect him.

Now Claire is a bitch. There's nothing you can do about it

But you can sort out your end.

Why didn't your partner, let's call him Blair, not go for 50%? Therefore pay nothing and do what he likes on his days.

I’d get rid of the partner, why take on all this drama?

@kiana2015 there's plenty of threads on here about exdh new partner wastes money.
Just let them be to their own stuff and I suggest you get on with yours. I'd simply ltb if it made me unhappy

Do you have dcs? I may have missed something.

What she gets her hair done? And has coffee? And <gasp> has fun? When she’s a single mum? What a bitch!! She should be wearing hemp sacks and self flagellating while she drinks pond water.

BTW most universal credit claimants are working people. And you’re jealous that she’s renting and has no future security for housing? Really?

Incidentally are you stalking her? How do you know her bank balance and how often she goes out for a coffee?

I am betting my bottom dollar your DH pays the minimum rate for his son. I bet he also started paying his son less maintenance once he had kids with you?

I can guarantee she isn’t making a profit from child maintenance. Having a child costs more than clothing. It’s extra bedrooms, bills, food, everyday expenses, birthdays, parties - the list is endless. Unless your DH is paying £3,000 a month or so she isn’t making a profit off you

OP posted a couple of days ago. She has a 9 month old and wants another baby ASAP. They can afford it, she says. But they begrudge properly funding the child from Family Number 1.

Does your stepson have his own room OP?

I’ve doffed my deerstalker and have AS the OP as I just think this thread feels a bit off

Her husband also has a DD from a previous relationship he’s only just started seeing again. They live in a 2 bed flat and plan to have another baby who will share a room with their current child. I wonder where the 2 SC sleep when they come over.

OP also has posted about her OH going on days out alone with his kids and his ex and leaving her (OP) out and her OH taking phone calls from his ex in another room

OP - you have a DP problem not an ex wife problem. Do not have a 2nd baby with this man

Oh I wish we could hear Claire’s side of this.

Your previous posts make it clear you do not have a bedroom (or are planning to either) for your SC and nor does it sound like your DH spends any time with them (you speak of him working every single day, playing Xbox and spending no time with you and your baby, let alone his other child).

Claire may well be a saint putting up with a deadbeat dad doing the bare minimum. And I do hope she enjoys her coffees after clearly solo parenting (which you yourself complain about when your DH doesn’t help…)

So she's on benefits but earns more than you? Which means that your dp is on benefits and therefore only paying £7 a week. Honestly your story is so full of shit it stinks

OP I remember your recent post about your DH kicking up a stink because you wanted to buy a rug and pictures but he said no even though he’d just spent £400 on a game console. You said you have to bail him out financially every month. You said he’s lazy and doesn’t do much round the house.

Why are you with this man? His poor ex deserves to get her hair done after living with a total shithouse of a human. Pity her don’t envy her.

as well as the local council paying the top up amount.

What does that even mean? Everything is UC now. You've completely made this up

Do some councils not do this via a council tax reduction though?? (Or have I made that up completely?)

She will get a discount on her council tax if she's the sole adult, same as any other household of sole adult whether on benefits or not.
As for any other reduction on council tax, you only receive that if you have very very low income, I know as I've had it myself, so clearly she can't be earning more than op and her dp she can't be working full time AND getting the low income discount. That's not how it works.

Honestly op, i think he's lying to you about how much he's giving her. Have u actually seen his online banking?? And also your getting all wound up over him paying for his ex dc and not towards yours, trust me, if he could get away with not paying ex he would but he knows the cms can take it straight out of his wages. Do not let him bullshit you that he's got no money for you and your baby because he's spending it all on his ex. He's spending it all on himself and paying her the bare minimum. Your deflecting your anger at him onto her. How often does he have his ex dc overnight? As if she's got previous child 5 days a week or more just think how much that costs! You know yourself food, nappies, calpol, all the bits that Kids need cost money! She's on her own and you are splitting overthing between you so your household will be cheaper.

Claire here <waves posh nails>

Youre bothered that he still loves me. Which he does.

You’re making bits of this up to suit your own narrative and, quite frankly, your partner’s son or his ex partner have fuck all to do with you so keep your bloody nose out of it. It’s his problem. Don’t use your personal income to pay for his child. Keep finances as separate as possible and if you don’t like what someone else pays for their own child, then don’t get together with someone with kids.