To think DP's Ex is selfish - RANT

[kiana2015]

My DP has a DS with his Ex, let's call her Claire. Claire works and also receives benefits, she rents a house and gets all of her rent paid by universal credit as well as the local council paying the top up amount. Claire also receives child maintenance. I have worked out Claire makes more than me or my partner. Claire buys herself new clothes every single month, gets her hair and nails done and goes out for coffee 4-5 times a week. Every month for the past 8 months, Claire has messaged my partner to say she has no money for their DS food. Obviously I would never see their DS or even her go without food but if it was me or any respectable person, would t it be wise to budget like a normal person, if you can't afford FOOD which is a basic necessity then cut out all of your own 'fun stuff' sorry not even looking for opinions more just a rant as it's really grating me. Claire also stops us going on fun family days out as she states she can't afford to do this so it's not fair we should, which in turn causes DS to miss out, if it was my child I would want them to have fun and experiences.

And of course she’s paying for more than water on her 4 days.

No they aren’t all feckless wasters but OP’s DH definitely is

So on your other thread you detail your prat of a partner spends £100s on booze every week and your thought process on that was 'why deny him that.'
But the ex is not allowed a coffee which is probably about £20 a week for 4.

Why?

Can you think why you think one is ok and justified and the other is not?

Your life is a miserable shit show op. But, and I don't normally victim blame, but it's due to shit decision after shit decision that you are making.

This guy is a complete waste of space. Continue not realising that, and making shit decision after shit decision and you will be the one paying for that for years and years to come. Oh, and however many more children you plan on adding to this shit show.

Your DP needs to get a solicitor I solved and ask for full custody. If she can't budget well enough and is choosing manicures over feeding her child then she is not fit to have the child full time. As for days out, your partner needs to put his child first and not let his ex dictate what he does during his time (as long as the child is safe).

For those that haven't read the other thread, the ops partner is a waste of oxygen...

To think DP is being selfish http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/5262279-to-think-dp-is-being-selfish

The replies on this post are ridiculous. OP maybe you have worded it wrong but to me it makes sense. If a man was claiming he had no money for maintenance or on his days with DC everyone would jump in to say what a dick he was but because it's the woman choosing to spend her finances elsewhere instead of their DC it's fine, she shouldn't have to pay ANYTHING for the child because the man should pay it all. Ridiculous, I'm guessing there's a lot of ex wives on here who do the same judging by replies.

Yeah, the dp spends hundreds a week on booze and gaming and has to borrow money from op and doesn't contribute at all to their shared child, nor did he get a home with any room to have the kid to stay, let alone live, so I don't think residency will be an option here, and op is definitely over exaggerating about the ex after multiple threads on how shit her dp is.

Reaponses like this really show how wrong you can get it when you take an op at face value for the one snapshot they post about that time.
Read the thread I just linked to.

The partner works mw and spends all his money on booze, and all of ops spare money too, but the op thinks this is fine, he also does no housework or childcare or their joint kid. Oh, and the op thinks it's a good idea to have another child with him,

A man who doesn’t have a bedroom for his kids wouldn’t be granted full custody

Yes council tax reduction is seperate HOWEVER as she is working she will only be getting the 25% single adult discount so not a top up more like cash off the top

Highly unlikely UC will be paying ALL her rent because she works again most likely a small amount

Remove your nose from Claires business, you know more about her than I know about most people's weekly movements. Let it go, stop focusing your bile on her and let your DP seperate from her.

She doesn't stop you going on fun days out. Don't be daft.

Edited: have just read the OPs other posts. You're unhappy and things are shit for you, but you're angry and ranting about the wrong person. Claire is well out of it, don't blame her for that.

Does claire actually tell you about all her coffee dates, hair appointments and nail dos? As that’s an odd thing to tell the other woman isn’t it? Or are you just guessing how she spends her money ? its odd that she would tell you what she is wasting her money on and then asking for food money . I do my own nails ( fancy) with stick ons (£12) and go to a cafe where often my friend pays as she knows I’m struggling financially, this week I was accused of getting my hair done but in fact it was washed and brushed ! 😂 so I could be claire ! Albeit a budget one!

I haven't seen other posts from OP so just based it on what she's said on this thread. If that's the case then it sounds like a shitshow and they should all be working together to achieve stability for the child

Didn't know he didn't have a bedroom for them. After reading g other comments it's sounds like the poor kid needs better adults in his life

1000%. Got to remember it’s a Wednesday morning and a lot of posters will be unemployed or underemployed and on benefits. Skews the responses towards a lack of accountability and personal responsibility.

(Not saying OP’s husband is a saint - I haven’t done the background research that other posters clearly have)

lol….i have the same thoughts on a vast majority of mumsnet posts!

But why don't you just take DSS when you want to? What can she do?

Perhaps controversially, I can see where you're coming from OP.

Imagine the scenario without any children involved - let's say it's a friend instead.

OP's friend has been getting herself lots of takeaways and getting her nails and lashes done at least monthly, but then can't afford to pay her electric bill so asks to borrow money from OP to cover it.

Most people would say that OP's friend should have budgeted better and not rely on handouts from other people, so why is it any different when it's an ex and kids are involved?

I agree with PP suggestion that you'll buy the food for the kids, rather than give her the money. Whether you can then deduct that from the child maintenance contribution is more of a murky line I think.

Absolutely. I feel there’s so many kids getting a crappy deal by selfish parents on both sides. No wonder kids MH is low

Umm, the man in question runs out of money every month because he spends hundreds of pounds in the pub and on gaming equipment. He takes money off of OP every month to cover his expenses.

Always has to be one smart arse

Claire also stops us going on fun family days out as she states she can't afford to do this so it's not fair we should, which in turn causes DS to miss out

I don't understand this?

How does Claire stop you having fun days out? Surely you plan them on the days you have DSS and you pay.

I'd start sending her monthly evouchers for her local supermarket for food and take it out of what DP pays her.

As you know so much about Claire's business how is she managing to get all these benefits? I assume child is NT?

Claire also stops us going on fun family days out
That's on your partner - he can tell her to jog on and he does what he wants in his free time.

Tell her to drop DS round at yours and you can feed him to save on her food bill.
I smell BS here.

So why is it called the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) then?

Go to the court for 50/50 shared care. No maintenance due, problem solved. What’s the betting your DH could be bothered to do that?