To think DP's Ex is selfish - RANT

[kiana2015]

My DP has a DS with his Ex, let's call her Claire. Claire works and also receives benefits, she rents a house and gets all of her rent paid by universal credit as well as the local council paying the top up amount. Claire also receives child maintenance. I have worked out Claire makes more than me or my partner. Claire buys herself new clothes every single month, gets her hair and nails done and goes out for coffee 4-5 times a week. Every month for the past 8 months, Claire has messaged my partner to say she has no money for their DS food. Obviously I would never see their DS or even her go without food but if it was me or any respectable person, would t it be wise to budget like a normal person, if you can't afford FOOD which is a basic necessity then cut out all of your own 'fun stuff' sorry not even looking for opinions more just a rant as it's really grating me. Claire also stops us going on fun family days out as she states she can't afford to do this so it's not fair we should, which in turn causes DS to miss out, if it was my child I would want them to have fun and experiences.

And if he's working 6 days a week why do you have to bail him out every month why isn't he contributing more to his own household? He's probably lying about how much he's working too just to get out of housework and family life. Sorry if I've been so harsh but it's your dp who's the problem here, have u ever met his ex? I bet she could tell you a few things about him!

How does Claire stop you going on family fun days out? Does she let your
tyres down or superglue your front door shut?

Claire also stops us going on fun family days out as she states she can't afford to do this so it's not fair we should, which in turn causes DS to miss out

Don't be silly. Your partner has every right to completely ignore this request. Unless you're saying she will prevent him from seeing his son.

Can your DP have his child 50/50?

How long have you been with your DP?

How old is the child?

Why doesn't your DP just take his child out anyway?

Interesting these dads who always pay for so much and go so over and above never want to be the resident parent, or even 50/50.
It’s almost as if it’s rarely true.

Well stop stalking Clare for a start!

This is for your dp to manage, he doesn’t have to give her more money but it's his choice.

Days out etc she shouldn't get an opinion on.

Either you are over reacting due to jealousy and this isn't actually a problem for Clare or your dp or your dp isn't standing his ground and letting Clare take the piss.

Either way you should consider if this is the right relationship for you given how you feel, and Stop blaming his ex for arrangements that aren't yours.

2 friends from school had babies at approximately the same time. One was on benefits, the other worked. They were very close. The working one received £5 less than the one on benefits. I’m going back years. It could be true that ‘Claire’ gets more, but the rest of the story is bull, imo.

Surely if she's got money for nails and clothes she should be prioritising the child and buying food first? I know MN always sides with the mother but I can't believe how many people think it's okay for her to be doing this.

Maybe because it’s bullshit?

On another thread OP says her OH takes his DC out with their mum and OP isn’t invited

Claire fits a lot in with her work!

Buy a kilo of potatoes and your dp needs to drop off a few rather than handing over money. She sounds like a loser tbh and a terrible example to her child.

Organise fun days out ans a family, ignore her comments and leave her to it. Make your own life more interesting op.

I’m guessing OP won’t be back

Playing them off against each other!

We all know this absolute prince of a man will be spinning you a line that you've swallowed hook, line & sinker. If you stay with him long enough, the cycle will repeat with YOU framed as the evil, grasping ex to his next partner. Open your eyes, your life will be better if you grasp this fact of life now, rather than during mid or later life reflection. Listen to what the women who have been there are telling you, this is one of the oldest tricks in the book.

@kiana2015 you have no idea how much Claire earns.

She doesn't spend (minimum) maintenance on herself it goes into the household pot.

You must be mad to consider having another baby.

Where do SC sleep ?

You will be Claire soon so you too can be a single parent but at least you'll be able to get your hair and nails done 💅

Wait, is this the guy who spends £200 a week on trips to the pub???

Yep! But still somehow begrudge the mother of his child being able to have a haircut. The ex wife isn't the reason why there is no money in OPs household.

We had the same issue. The solution was simple, we bought the food for my DSS and took it round to her and took the cost off the maintenance because topping up her phone and takeaways were her priority. Never give her extra cash, just send food.

Doubtful. They've just moved into a 2 bed, she has a baby and is keen to pop out another one (OP is a prolific poster). Poor DSS may have a room now if baby is still in with them, but soon her kid(s) will take over that bedroom and DSS will have the sofa probably. In the meantime, her DP prioritises his spending on gaming equipment and going to the pub.

Being totally honest, this is why (should my husband drop dead or run away with a russian supermodel tomorrow) I'd literally never date a man with children. It's too much hassle and any attempt to weigh in on your side is seen as interfering no matter how ridiculous anyone involved is being. I'd rather be single than a third in someone else's broken relationship.

If Claire is so irresponsible that she spends all her money and DSS doesn't have food, why aren't you more worried about her looking after him? You say Claire won't provide basics or food or clothes but DP is happy for her to have the majority custody? If that was me, I would be taking steps to get him in my care, if as you say she can't provide clothes or food.

You again.

As you’ve been told before, your lazy, spendthrift partner who’d rather spend every evening in the pub and gaming is the problem, not any of his exes and not any of the children stuck with him as a deadbeat dad.

Claire is the very least of your worries.

If you're privately renting and paying over housing allowance rates, or socially renting with "too many bedrooms" or non-dependants, then UC may not cover your full rent.

The council can make discretionary payments to top this up so your full rent is covered. It's called Discretionary Housing Payment. It's often temporary, but sometimes it can be ongoing if the council deem appropriate.

The very boy!

Does your oh ever buy coffee? Or pints or spend money on a car, or clothes or hobbies or sky tv?
Why doesn’t he have his child at least 50% of the time then he wouldn’t have to pay maintenance and he could ensure his child is fully entertained and fed.