To think DP's Ex is selfish - RANT

[kiana2015]

My DP has a DS with his Ex, let's call her Claire. Claire works and also receives benefits, she rents a house and gets all of her rent paid by universal credit as well as the local council paying the top up amount. Claire also receives child maintenance. I have worked out Claire makes more than me or my partner. Claire buys herself new clothes every single month, gets her hair and nails done and goes out for coffee 4-5 times a week. Every month for the past 8 months, Claire has messaged my partner to say she has no money for their DS food. Obviously I would never see their DS or even her go without food but if it was me or any respectable person, would t it be wise to budget like a normal person, if you can't afford FOOD which is a basic necessity then cut out all of your own 'fun stuff' sorry not even looking for opinions more just a rant as it's really grating me. Claire also stops us going on fun family days out as she states she can't afford to do this so it's not fair we should, which in turn causes DS to miss out, if it was my child I would want them to have fun and experiences.

Hmm.

If what other posters are reporting is accurate, I'd say this partner belongs in the MN 'throw this one back' category...

Why are you with this man, @kiana2015 ? And, if true, why are you planning to have another child with him?

He'd be a deadbeat to 4 (FOUR) then!!

I'd of told you to shove it up your arse

And how much is your partner paying her each month - is it the pitiful nominal amount that most waste of space fathers pay or actually a sensible amount, that actually covers the real cost of a child?

Same. Imagine charging your children for buying them food. Embarrassing and abusive

@BilboBlaggin Ah! Gotcha! Yes, I remember her thread last week! 🙄

We're you the OW. If so you did get a raw deal. Buyer beware.

Funnily enough, her previous thread is called "To think DP is being selfish". Now that has shifted to somebody else being selfish and her DP is suddenly overly generous.

It sounds like you're practically stalking her. Why are you counting how many times she drinks coffee?
She's the mother of your partner's children. If he thinks she's wasting her money and not providing for the son why doesn't he take the kid more often? But mainly, it's none of your business.
You sound jealous of her quite frankly. But it's your partner who's failing. How can she ban him and you from taking the child out? Just don't tell her your movements.

Gets 🍿 popcorn 🤣

Funny that my ex apparently pays for my super lavish lifestyle as well according to his girlfriend, my hair getting done all the time (a box of £6 hair dye every two months), and fancy drinks (I bought PG tips instead of asda basics one day when I was feeling flush and I bumped into him at the supermarket), going out all the time (the only time I leave the house is dog walks or the kids clubs).

She also says I withold the kids for extra money (he currently doesn't see them at all due to his house being unsuitable for overnights and him choosing not to see them during the day).

All this while I'm screwing him over for money (£212.34 per month for 2 dc, and not a penny more) and he gets the kids their clothes (his mum knits them a jumper every 6 months and he insists he keeps it at his so I don't steal them).

Your dp, according to your previous threads, is a selfish, lazy arsehole, so I'm more inclined to think he's spinning you a line and you're naive enough to fall for it, or you're trying to force yourself to believe you made a good choice, so you're placing the blame for everything on his ex. Either way, stop being a mug.

You’d have been wearing the food if you’d done that to me. How low can you go?

The fact OP seems to have to crowd source the most basic of queries, I imagine she is ripe for believing whatever nonsense Prince Sponger spins her about his ex and money.

I haven't made either up it's called Discretionary housing payment!

This payment is for people on very low incomes so I imagine it’s needed

Hope she reported her ex to CMS for under paying her then.

He can choose to spend extra, but he can't take it off his legal obligation.

I'm not stalking her she has told me all this with her own mouth!

Absolutely! @ERthree ate you not mortified at charging children for food?

This is what infuriates me if they were genuinely struggling I wouldn't mind one bit, I wouldn't see anyone struggle but for the love of god put your child first t

I thought you didn’t get on with her? She actually said “I get 5 coffees a week”.

Is this the ex that your OH hangs out with and takes phone calls from behind your back?

Thank you for this ONE actual reply that understands!

Have you told your dp to put his kids first? Or is that a job reserved for women?

Your partner - and you - should be thankful for a benefits system that pays his child's rent and also supplements letscallherClaire's income to keep their child clothed and fed. Otherwise your partner would have to be paying for it. I believe you'd like that even less.

That makes no sense at all.

You are being absolutely ridiculous. Apart from the fact her financial situation and what she chooses to spend her money on is none of your business, you are making lots of assumptions.
If your DP pays her the minimum hes required to by the CMA then that will not cover anywhere near what she is spending on her child.
If shes in receipt of UC and also working, she will get one payment which is reduced based on her take home pay. She's getting what thousands of other people are getting.
If her DS lives with her full time she will have costs that come with running a home and caring for children that you dont even know about. And you sre moaning because she asks the child's father for extras occasionally.
Its not your money, its nothing to do with you. Dont be that step parent.

It does when you factor in that the dad can't afford to house his kid because he spends all his money on gaming and drinking. It's very unlikely that the dad is paying half of what the child actually costs to house, feed, entertain etc. so the state gives her benefits to fill the gap. He can't afford even his own costs (because of drinking) but borrows from OP every month.