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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD demanding chocolate when she's on her period

614 replies

Homeymum2 · 04/02/2025 16:35

My 14 yo DD insists that all her friends parents buy them chocolates and pamper them when they are cycling -

I'm being told I'm a terrible mum and badgered for chocolates

Am I an outlier to not cater to this?

OP posts:
Seagullsandsausagerolls · 05/02/2025 09:28

30 years, numerous hospitalizations, iron transfusions and blood transfusions, thousands spent on treatment, replacement bedding, mattresses and clothing and fighting to get a diagnosis and help. My GPs answer was get pregnant (that made it way worse).

Showing a bit of compassion and empathy is not a weakness neither is needing it on occasion. A cuddle, hot water bottle and a bar of chocolate maybe a bubble bath or face mask the odd time would cost about £2. Simple acts of kindness can mean a lot even if it's a mug of tea and a chocolate hobnob. Can't understand why anyone wouldn't do them for a loved one.

Starlight1984 · 05/02/2025 09:32

Everyone got copious amounts of chocolate at Christmas - she's eaten all hers

Um yes, because it's February!!!

FFS what a tight arse!

KimberleyClark · 05/02/2025 10:07

HebeHerbivore · 04/02/2025 17:21

Exactly this! Some pain killers and a hot water bottle if needed and get on with it. No need for all the fuss the Instahuns are creating.

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For me bubble bath, Jackie magazine, pain killers if necessary. That was it.

BunnyLake · 05/02/2025 10:11

honeylulu · 04/02/2025 22:30

To quote another poster: laid low on the sofa for a week a month

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I still don’t understand what the pp meant by that sentence. Would she say that about someone who had the flu or gastroenteritis or appendicitis? Didn’t she say herself she has never suffered period pains? If so, she has no idea what it can be like when it’s debilitating.

FrustratedandBemused · 05/02/2025 10:11

KimberleyClark · 05/02/2025 10:07

For me bubble bath, Jackie magazine, pain killers if necessary. That was it.

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And for other people, a bar of chocolate and none of that other stuff. We’re all different.

BunnyLake · 05/02/2025 10:14

KimberleyClark · 05/02/2025 10:07

For me bubble bath, Jackie magazine, pain killers if necessary. That was it.

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I don’t think anyone is saying treat her to a round the world cruise, they're saying get her some chocolate and a cuddle if she needs one. Your Jackie magazine is her bar of chocolate.

LooksThroughaGlass · 05/02/2025 10:20

biscuitsandbooks · 05/02/2025 09:02

Some women do have painful periods but medical help is there. GPs can prescribe painkillers or some young girls take the Pill.

<hollow laugh>

It took me 22 years to get my PCOS diagnosis, despite several scans, blood tests and medication trials.

In the meantime I would spend 2-3 days a month in debilitating pain. If I was lucky, I wouldn't vomit - I'd just be doubled over on the toilet for several hours instead.

It was only two weeks ago that I saw a gynaecologist who realised I needed something stronger than ibuprofen and paracetamol.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

It sounds as if you saw useless drs. I thought PCOS was fairly easy to diagnose these days with a scan and medical history etc?

I had prescribed meds for period pain 40 years ago from a GP as an young teen.

BunnyLake · 05/02/2025 10:21

Simplynotsimple · 04/02/2025 20:10

I was recently talking to my siblings about how we were raised, my mother used to be so snide about ‘mumsy mums’ and weren’t we glad she wasn’t like that. We agreed that we would have done anything for a ‘mumsy mum’ in retrospect. Those kids were so loved, their homes were full of warmth. Don’t ever doubt being a ‘mumsy’ mum, you’re doing it just right from my perspective. Sorry to sidetrack the thread…

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Thank you. I’m proud to be mumsy. I have two great kids (young adult sons). When my younger son went back to uni after Christmas break he said although he’s happy at uni he really loves being at home and would have loved another couple of months here. That to me is successful parenting and I did it by myself. When he was a young teen he loved chocolate so I bought him a tin that had ‘chocolate lover’ on it and filled it with chocolate bars so he had is own supply.

LooksThroughaGlass · 05/02/2025 10:22

I think the 'outrage' from some posters is because the way the OP worded her first post was a) it was a demand and b) this is some new default setting for periods among 14 year olds = mum goes out and provides chocolate.

user2848502016 · 05/02/2025 10:23

My DD has money she can use for snacks on the way home from school- it's a 20 min walk to the bus stop then 20 mins on the bus. 3 days a week. She sometimes buys nothing, sometimes something healthy, sometimes chocolate or cookies etc.
At nearly 14 she knows what eating healthily looks like, she exercises and is a healthy weight so I trust her with making her own decisions on what to eat - if she fancied chocolate before her period I wouldn't care at all. I would buy myself chocolate if I really fancied some so why not my DD?
Not sure she needs "pampering " exactly but a bar of chocolate and a nice bath is perfectly normal right?!

diddl · 05/02/2025 10:24

BrendaSmall · 05/02/2025 08:56

Cycling?!!!
I’ve never heard it called that before!

my heads thinking who can eat chocolate whilst riding a bike!?

Exercise is supposed to help isn't it so a bike ride might be a good idea.

😂To the shop to get the chocolate?

Disturbia81 · 05/02/2025 10:29

I would totally do this, it's a nice bonding thing.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 05/02/2025 10:29

I always crave chocolate on my period and I'm 46 🙈😂

I'd buy her some chocolate or give her a couple of quid and tell her to pick some up on her way home from school.

Simplynotsimple · 05/02/2025 10:32

Theresidents · 05/02/2025 08:55

No, I think she read it somewhere or has seen a meme of I need chocolate when I’m on my period.

I don’t have chocolate all the time in my house, I buy it we eat it. It’s not always there.

Chocolate is proven to be helpful to some women during their periods. You as adult can choose when you ‘fancy’ some, the OP’s daughter is a young girl asking for support during this time (may have missed a post but she may have only very recently started having periods and still coming to terms about ‘dealing’ with it).

Teaching kids that they’re ok to have moments of tlc is a part of parenting. I still get myself lucozade and a packet of Jaffa cakes if I’m poorly, because that’s what my grandmother always did when we were under the weather. Does it make a cold go away? No. Does it connect to a feeling of love and being cared for? Absolutely.

SpanThatWorld · 05/02/2025 10:36

JandamiHash · 04/02/2025 22:39

But what wrong with hiding in the bath with a bar of Galaxy? Whats wrong with relaxing when our periods make us unwell or uncomfortable. Personally I can’t stand competitive stiff upper lip behaviour

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Absolutely nothing wrong with relaxing when you need to.

Absolutely everything wrong in expecting to be pampered for 5 days every month because of something normal.

My husband has a chronic health condition. When he's low, I look after him. I dont make him feel special and pamper him just because he has this condition.

JandamiHash · 05/02/2025 10:38

SpanThatWorld · 05/02/2025 10:36

Absolutely nothing wrong with relaxing when you need to.

Absolutely everything wrong in expecting to be pampered for 5 days every month because of something normal.

My husband has a chronic health condition. When he's low, I look after him. I dont make him feel special and pamper him just because he has this condition.

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My son and a chronic health condition and during his bad spells I absolutely give him every comfort I possibly could. I’d do same for DD if she was in pain for 5 days

SpanThatWorld · 05/02/2025 10:44

JandamiHash · 05/02/2025 10:38

My son and a chronic health condition and during his bad spells I absolutely give him every comfort I possibly could. I’d do same for DD if she was in pain for 5 days

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Yes, "during his bad days" not just because he has it.

As I said.

BunnyLake · 05/02/2025 10:55

SpanThatWorld · 05/02/2025 10:44

Yes, "during his bad days" not just because he has it.

As I said.

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Well we’re talking about bad days aren't we? Obviously on the days the period is waning and there's no longer pain life carries on as normal but for a couple of days a month it can be excruciating.

JandamiHash · 05/02/2025 11:07

SpanThatWorld · 05/02/2025 10:44

Yes, "during his bad days" not just because he has it.

As I said.

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To me every day on a period is a bad day

biscuitsandbooks · 05/02/2025 11:12

Absolutely everything wrong in expecting to be pampered for 5 days every month because of something normal.

If you were vomiting, fainting and doubling over in pain for five days every month, I very much doubt you'd consider it normal 🙄

The lack of empathy on here is horrific - I got more sympathy and care from my male gynae and GP!

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 05/02/2025 11:14

greengreyblue · 04/02/2025 18:35

No chocolate kept in my house on a regular basis. Probably buy some every now and then. It’s not a staple.

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It is a staple for some

BunnyLake · 05/02/2025 11:59

biscuitsandbooks · 05/02/2025 11:12

Absolutely everything wrong in expecting to be pampered for 5 days every month because of something normal.

If you were vomiting, fainting and doubling over in pain for five days every month, I very much doubt you'd consider it normal 🙄

The lack of empathy on here is horrific - I got more sympathy and care from my male gynae and GP!

It’s as a pp said, competitive stiff upper lip.

biscuitsandbooks · 05/02/2025 12:14

@BunnyLake ridiculous is what it is 🤣

It's not something I've ever experienced in real life either - must be one of those weird Mumsnet anomalies 🙈

JandamiHash · 05/02/2025 13:01

Nobody thanks women for being martyrs. Nor do they notice or care if you battle through periods. Do yourself a solid and get someone to buy you a chocolate bar FFS. And stop telling yourselves that asking for basic respect is Making A Fuss

GiddyRobin · 05/02/2025 13:16

JandamiHash · 05/02/2025 10:38

My son and a chronic health condition and during his bad spells I absolutely give him every comfort I possibly could. I’d do same for DD if she was in pain for 5 days

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This.

My DH has lifelong injuries in his hip and leg (poor bugger got thrown from and trampled by a horse a few years ago). When he shows pain, I'm not sniffing and being stingy on how much affection and kindness I show.

The other day, he walked the dogs and I was making a cup of Earl Grey when he came back. I saw he was in pain and he said he was fine, but he'd love a cuppa. Earl Grey is his favourite and I'd just used the last bag. I poured out my tea into his cup and gave it to him. And didn't tell him either.

No, he didn't ask for the last teabag or "demand" it. He didn't bloody have to! Poor bloke was in agony and I wasn't going to sit there and drink his favourite drink while he felt shite.

So when OP is on about her own daughter asking for some of her precious bloody chocolate while she's on her period, and getting snotty and tight about it? Just...baffles me! I'd have been shoving it her hands! Imagine sitting there depriving your own daughter of something when she feels shit, and eating it yourself!

Not on my watch. I've got no time for this "get on with it, stiff upper lip" nonsense.

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