Page 20 | DD demanding chocolate when she's on her period

Homeymum2 · 2025-02-04T16:35:53+00:00

My 14 yo DD insists that all her friends parents buy them chocolates and pamper them when they are cycling - I'm being told I'm a terrible mum and badgered for chocolates Am I an outlier to not cater to this?

Babycote · 04/02/2025 22:51

NightFeeds · 04/02/2025 22:22

We only have a DS but in all honesty this threats had made me think what message I would Like To pass.

I think as soon as he in old enough to understand that women have periods I am going to teach him:
a) they are grim, the poor girl/woman will feel icky, probably have hormonal skin, maybe headaches, maybe cramps, maybe sweats. That bleeding isn’t nice. This isn’t their fault. Dont
mock their skin or bloat.
b) that there are unavoidable hormonal swings associated with periods and that girls may be more easily offended or less tolerant or less secure around this time
c) that food needs to remain nutritious around this time but that added treats are absolutely essential
d) that low energy is completely expected for a 1-4 day window without complaint but also without writing off other overall fitness intentions
e) that irrespective of all the above no woman has the right to behave completely rudely, be utterly out of control or otherwise be unmanageably challenging during this time unless they are actively seeking medical assistance. Also that they shouldnt assume a woman at this time of the month will struggle or fail.

By this I mean I want my son to have respect and empathy for women’s cycles without the stress of feeling he has to accept any and all behaviour no matter how extreme.

i wouldn’t want to see him literally grovelling at a woman and have to pamper to
a detrimental effect, but what’s actually wrong with a bit of love and fuss at a time if a woman feeling at best sub-par?

Please don't teach your son that periods are grim, icky or that all women feel low energy. Some of us don't at all!

Teach your son that some women have grim periods. And if they're really grim, they should support their partner to get medical help. But many women don't want to be treated any differently as it is really a non event

Biffbaff · 04/02/2025 22:51

JandamiHash · 04/02/2025 22:39

But what wrong with hiding in the bath with a bar of Galaxy? Whats wrong with relaxing when our periods make us unwell or uncomfortable. Personally I can’t stand competitive stiff upper lip behaviour

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Yes precisely and actually no one is saying that ALL women need bubble baths and galaxy, but lots of us do and that doesn't make us weak. Lack of empathy is a much bigger character weakness.

JandamiHash · 04/02/2025 22:54

Biffbaff · 04/02/2025 22:51

Yes precisely and actually no one is saying that ALL women need bubble baths and galaxy, but lots of us do and that doesn't make us weak. Lack of empathy is a much bigger character weakness.

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I just think people who sneer at women wanting a bit of a break during their period are the same who sneer after women give birth and crow “I delivered my placenta and 2 minutes later went back to work down t’ mines and I was absolutely fine!”

ShowHouse · 04/02/2025 23:00

Wow its the school of hard knock around here isn't it? Since when has one humble bar of chocolate become pampering and raising brats?

Do men have to go through this? Why even bring them into it.
One measly fucking bar of chocolate for a girl whose biggest threat and killer and beater and abuser is men! Who don't go though this.

Give them a bar of bloody choclate and a hot water bottle

MomBruh · 04/02/2025 23:01

Lighterlilly · 04/02/2025 17:27

What unacceptable rudeness. Asking for chocolate or correctly articulating its poor parenting to not even get your kid a bar of chocolate.

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I'm being told I'm a terrible mum and badgered for chocolates

You might consider that acceptable behaviour in your house, I disagree.

However, I'm sure you read on, and saw that we did agree that she should have some chocolate.

ShowHouse · 04/02/2025 23:04

@NightFeeds very sweet, what's grovelling got to do with it.
And I wouldn't mention sweats and all the rest.

LuxuryWoman2020 · 05/02/2025 00:04

I'm past having periods now, but remember clearly just how rotten I felt during mine, sick, painful, upset stomach, back pain. Easily enough to keep one home from school or work if it wasn't 'just ' a period. I used to feel really unwell and would have loved a little care.

So my d gets that care I wanted, I'll run her a bath, fill her hot water bottle and fetch her whatever she fancies to eat. I want her to feel looked after. I'm her mum, it's what I'm for. When I'm unwell I hope for similar care.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 05/02/2025 00:06

' we always have nice things and everything they need'

except make up remover ?

WhatHoJeeves · 05/02/2025 07:03

I'm not sure why some people think a bit of occasional pampering of your daughter or indeed anyone you love is such a heinous crime.

RampantIvy · 05/02/2025 07:47

JandamiHash · 04/02/2025 22:54

I just think people who sneer at women wanting a bit of a break during their period are the same who sneer after women give birth and crow “I delivered my placenta and 2 minutes later went back to work down t’ mines and I was absolutely fine!”

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It's awful that this thread has turned into a Four Yorkshiremen competitive who is the toughest (and least empathetic)

I used to have to pick DD up from school when painkillers wouldn't touch the pain.

It is the reason she started taking the pill, which has helped significantly.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/02/2025 07:49

Just buy her some bloody chocolate. A large bar is about 35p at Lidl.

HazelSavedMe · 05/02/2025 07:50

Oh my dear Lord !!! My mum had no clue about my periods !!

biscuitsandbooks · 05/02/2025 07:54

WhatHoJeeves · 05/02/2025 07:03

I'm not sure why some people think a bit of occasional pampering of your daughter or indeed anyone you love is such a heinous crime.

Because it's MN and anyone who struggles with their periods is weak or a baby or just needs to go and see a doctor.

It's bloody depressing, really.

MagentaRavioli · 05/02/2025 07:57

Pampering no. Crikey, this isn’t a spa sanctuary.

Chocolate yes. 200g high cocoa content chocolate each month. Virtually a human right.

RampantIvy · 05/02/2025 08:13

While we don't keep chocolate in the house as a rule, if DD was struggling with a period from hell and asked if we had any chocolate I would damn well nip down the road and get some for her.

She wouldn't "demand" anyway, she would ask nicely.

LooksThroughaGlass · 05/02/2025 08:30

@NightFeeds Sorry but giving your son that message is very wrong for many reasons.

It's sending out the message that all women suffer with periods and need to be treated with kid gloves. I know you've tried to balance it with 'not all women do' and it's not licence to behave badly, but....

It's possibly planting an idea in his head that, if he's ever a senior manager, he would think twice about employing a menstruating woman who's may be out of action for 4 days a month.

Women have worked hard for equality especially in the workplace. If you plant this idea that we all fall apart for 4 days a month , plus the PMS moods beforehand- what hope do we have?

Some women do have painful periods but medical help is there. GPs can prescribe painkillers or some young girls take the Pill.

When your son starts dating or eventually has a partner, he will find out for himself how that woman feels because she will tell him.

Sharptonguedwoman · 05/02/2025 08:35

JandamiHash · 04/02/2025 16:37

FGS OP it’s chocolate not crack cocaine. Why won’t you buy her any?

Why can a 14 yr old not buy any?

JandamiHash · 05/02/2025 08:41

Sharptonguedwoman · 05/02/2025 08:35

Why can a 14 yr old not buy any?

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Maybe her dealer is out of town?

Sharptonguedwoman · 05/02/2025 08:49

JandamiHash · 05/02/2025 08:41

Maybe her dealer is out of town?

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Absolutely but the point stands. I don't really get all the period fuss (biologically lucky, I guess) and my mother would never have spoken to me about it at all, let alone provided chocolate. D
D and I have a more open relationship which is lovely and I would shop for her period needs if asked. I don't think either of us have ever had a chocolate craving during a period either, we just get on with life. DD has been known to go to bed early a hot bottle but that's about it. Perhaps we're strange.😜

Hermitta · 05/02/2025 08:52

Some women do have painful periods but medical help is there.

Oh you sweet summer child.

You might get some real help after a decade, IF you persistently advocate for yourself.

Theresidents · 05/02/2025 08:55

No, I think she read it somewhere or has seen a meme of I need chocolate when I’m on my period.

I don’t have chocolate all the time in my house, I buy it we eat it. It’s not always there.

BrendaSmall · 05/02/2025 08:56

Cycling?!!!
I’ve never heard it called that before!

my heads thinking who can eat chocolate whilst riding a bike!?

biscuitsandbooks · 05/02/2025 09:02

Some women do have painful periods but medical help is there. GPs can prescribe painkillers or some young girls take the Pill.

It took me 22 years to get my PCOS diagnosis, despite several scans, blood tests and medication trials.

In the meantime I would spend 2-3 days a month in debilitating pain. If I was lucky, I wouldn't vomit - I'd just be doubled over on the toilet for several hours instead.

It was only two weeks ago that I saw a gynaecologist who realised I needed something stronger than ibuprofen and paracetamol.

Scentsitive · 05/02/2025 09:02

It's perfectly possible to be stoic, get on with things, capable and strong and also appreciate some chocolate and a bath (for example) as a way to deal with pain and discomfort. Nothing wrong with self care, and it's nice to be looked after a bit too.

When I was young my periods were excruciating, and I have a very high pain threshold. Labour/deliveries were a doddle in comparison.

biscuitsandbooks · 05/02/2025 09:21

It's perfectly possible to be stoic, get on with things, capable and strong and also appreciate some chocolate and a bath (for example) as a way to deal with pain and discomfort

Exactly. I've lost count of the number of times I've thrown up before work (or at work) due to pain and just cracked on - but that doesn't mean I don't also appreciate getting home to a hot bath or a hug, or some empathy.