Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

I’ll let my periods know you said so. Thanks!

I’m going to assume I’m not the first to respond to you. But your lack of empathy, and just basic biological knowledge, is astounding. I see you teach maths, I’m sure there must be a lesson involved in the volume of blood some women can lose in a short period of time. Unfortunately, I doubt there’s a lesson that can teach basic human decency.

I have told both my girls if ever stopped to ignore and just go and we will deal with what happens after it. I think it's disgusting teachers can try and stop you using a bathroom. I get it can disrupt the class for kids who just want out, but periods can also just come when you don't expect it.

I once bled through a menstrual cup in 10 minutes. It held 45 mls. The average pad holds 10. So, no, a pad won't last 2 hours for everyone, even if there is adequate provision of toilets for everyone who needs one to access one during the break between classes, which OP has said there isn't. I'm also willing to bet that the school doesn't have the 2:1 space ratio recommended for women's to men's facilities space for equitable access, so is doubly disadvantaging girls.

Teachers should be walking out themselves to go to the toilet mid lesson for their periods. Isn't this the norm for staff who have periods to also walk out when it is needed?

Yup I should hope that teachers are also just walking out of lessons to deal with their own periods. It is disgusting that all females in schools are stopped from dealing with their periods because they are in lessons - either teaching or learning.

I use period pants and super plus tampons as my periods are really inconsistent and very heavy. I don’t like the idea of cleaning things in the sink while people do their makeup either so use nappy bags to hold used pants in until I can get home to clean them properly. The period pants I use/have ever seen are only really absorbent in the area you’d have the pad so wouldn’t putting a pad on be the same as usual pants? If there’s some that are absorbent everywhere please recommend would literally change my life

My mother was useless but did teach me one actually useful life lesson - don't let anyone stand between you and a toilet. You ask to be excused, if they say no, you get up and walk out anyway. If you get a detention, you simply say "I'm on my period" and do not show up. A medical note is complete bollocks, do they really want all the girls providing notes from a parent every few weeks? I get IBS on my period so there's no chance anyone would stop me from going. If your DD is quite confident then I'd encourage her to take on this issue herself (as it may be an issue she experiences in the workplace one day) but you must support her 100% and be prepared to jump in if she gets into trouble.

I was this student who regularly flooded through my heavy duty pad in secondary school while wearing lovely grey uniform trousers! I know I didn’t get the hang of using tampons until much later and looking back I would’ve struggled because I would have moments of a light flow followed by a huge gush. So it was less about the amount more about the force it came out of times shall we say?

For those who say you need to bring your child’s to the doctor for this, one thing I noticed that I got older talking to my friends on their period was everyone’s periods are different and mine did settle down eventually and I got more aware of my body and the signs it was sending me.

I also discovered other people who had similar periods like me once I could ask to borrow a pad and who wouldn’t hand me a little flimsy strip that would hardly last the length of time I would to try and get out of the cubicle!

It took me way longer than necessary, even after my mother’s insistance, to approach a teacher I knew for help when I had really bad cramps and flooding. Once I did this I realised there was a whole other world there that I didn’t know existed a space I was able to go and rest, spare pads and also this person would relay to the class teacher that I would be back to class in a while.

During this time, my mother did bring me to the doctor and the doctor’s main answer was to put me on the pill which I did not want to go on it.

I suppose in a long winded way, what I’m trying to say is, hopefully the HT will get back to you as soon as possible and you will be able to have something set up for your daughter quietly and privately to make sure if it does reacquired that she has somewhere to go without fuss

I sympathise with children who have very heavy periods.

However, for all parents saying 'it's ridiculous to not be allowed access to a toilet' here are some of the incidents that have happened in toilets in my school this year:

• three different children vaping THC and becoming extremely violent as a result. All three hospitalised, one incident resulted in a member of staff having a broken bone due to intervening,
• sixteen episodes of self harm, one requiring hospitalisation
• two sexual assaults
• one incident of an undiagnosed epileptic child having a seizure and hitting head resulting in loss of consciousness

That's on top of the daily vandalism - breaking toilet seats, pulling toilet roll dispensers off wall, breaking door hinges, smashing toilet bowls, deliberately blocking bowl with entire roll of paper, smearing shit on walls, smearing blood on walls and floor, obscene graffiti.

You'd be fine if you advised your child to ignore rules, go to the loo regardless, and were then called to say your child was in hospital? The parents who received those calls were not fine about their child being allowed to use the toilet unsupervised (during lesson time).

We aren't up against a kid writing a rude word on the wall. It's so so so much scarier than that.

@User67556 I can't use tampons still, and I'm in my late 30's! Not everyone can tolerate them

No advice but it does remind me when I was at school. One time I had a runny tummy. I asked the teacher to go to the loo and she said no. And I had no idea what to do. I was about to shit my pants. Nearest toilet was quite a way away too, out the "temporary" building we were in and across the playground to the permanent building.

I had to sit trying to hold in this liquid lava inside me. I must have been sweating and turning red. I asked a few more times to go, each time increasingly more desperate and she said no. I couldn't stand the idea of shitting my pants in front of the whole class so eventually just discreetly left the room during a class activity. I used the loo (a few times) then went straight to the doctors office to call my parents to pick me up. They came and I explained and they were fine with the fact I had walked out.

I don't think the teacher ever did notice because I didn't get in trouble. But what a day that was.

Our school has a policy of allowing anyone who asks can go. This results in kids taking the piss (pardon the pun). Then genuine cases like OP’s dd don’t get the sympathy they deserve.
I think firstly she needs a doctors appointment. I used to flood like that and it was horrendous. Secondly you need to tell your dd that if she is denied permission again, she should just walk out and then you can deal with any consequences after. Thirdly consider adding period pants to her outfit as an extra layer of protection.

That's why many women and girls wear a pad or tampon as well as period pants. The period pants are a backup in case of leakage. Although I don't think OP's daughter needs to see a doctor like others have said. OP said her daughter rarely floods.

Not for everyone, I can go through a tamping and pad in less than an hour on heavy days

Really ??? If you have a urgent "swoosh" that you weren't expecting or god forbid you had to vomit or something came over you all of a sudden? That you couldn't fathom there would be an urgent need to go to the loo? Human bodies are unpredictable some times, things happen - If you hare a teacher you should also have human compassion, dealing with humans is part of your job, is not just setting a plan and teach like a robot

As a teacher, I can't just abandon my class and go to the toilet on my period. I have to be very prepared and plan carefully.
Your school's morning break finishes at 10.15, so is presumably 10-10.15? That means they must begin lessons about 8-8.30 yet don't begin their lunchbreak til 1.15?

That says more about your employment than it does about a child NEEDING to handle her basic hygiene needs!

Yeah, good luck to that poster when perimenopausal flooding kicks in. No wonder so many women end up leaving the workforce then

No. It certainly isn't!
I can't just a leave a class of primary children, many with special needs and/or unpredictable behaviour unsupervised.
Some days I am lucky to have time to even have a wee.

My teachers did and I did when I was a teacher! It’s not impossible, you set them off on some work and run to the loo.

@HereBeFuckery where on earth do you live/work?! You couldn't pay me enough to work in or send my child into a school like that!!

That sounds like a horrendous school and one with severe management problems. However, every human being, who is the parent of a child that is also a human being with bodily functions, is going to advise them to walk out rather than soil themselves in class. If you want someone that obedient, you need either a dog or a well-programmed.

"However, every human being, who is the parent of a child that is also a human being with bodily functions, is going to advise them to walk out"

Which is not going to help them when toilets are locked....

Access to toilets is a basic human right, surely??? The teachers know who the good kids are and the ones who take the Mick, can't we leave it to class teachers to use their own common sense as to who is asking to go? Locking toilets is barbaric.

"Locking toilets is barbaric"

As many previous posters pointed out it is a safeguarding issue.