Periods at school but no toilet pass

[PyjamaFiasco]

Hello hive mind.

What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson?

Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need.

My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it.

When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently.

She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

Indeed, which is why locking toilets in a building where hundreds of people spend the entire day is an insane non-solution.

And in that case, I would advise my child to call me to pick them up, and in the meantime go to the front office in an emergency and demand to use the toilet there. Somehow I suspect the staff still have access to one for their own use.

What's your point? My child's school starts at 8.30 and lunch isn't til 1.30.

Same here.

It's lesson 1, then break, then lesson 2, 3 and 4, lunch, lesson 5, then home.

I don't understand why it's illegal for parents to keep their children home from school if they're not ill, but not illegal for schools to deliberately make their buildings unfit for human occupation.

Why should children be forced to spend their days in a place where their basic human needs are not being met? If prisoners weren't given access to toilets it would be considered a human rights violation.

This. If it's genuinely unsafe to provide toilet access, close all schools.
No education is better than denying toilet access. It's simply not worth it.

But you're an adult. She's a child. Or are you suggesting that your capacity to reason, plan and problem solve is on par with that of a young teenager?

You've also presumably had a fair few years of getting to know your body and thus being prepared will come easier.

I fucking despair for children if this is the standard of their teachers.

Agree @NoSoupForU - adding in that the teacher doesn’t have to queue for a loo.

And leave the kids alone? Sackable offence!

Oh I know I am a teacher. It was sarcasm! Apparently periods do not happen for female teachers.

Yes they do!

What about women after childbirth who have periods all over the place? Women on contraception who have periods all over the place? Women going through the menopause who have periods all over the place?

Tell me again how we get to know our menopause body or post partum body as a teenager? I despair if you think that when a female gets into adulthood her periods are 28 days and run like clockwork and there are no issues.

"No education is better than denying toilet access. It's simply not worth it."

I recall many posters saying something rather different when schools closed to many pupils over lockdown and pupils had to learn from home where they presumably had toilet access whenever they needed it.

We 💯 DO queue for toilets. In my department (building) there is one staff toilet (cubicle) and over 25 staff who use it! Not to mention we waste a chunk of every single break and every single lunch dealing with bad behaviour including abuse of the toilets in our block (which are strictly student only). To those who dismiss this as 'bad management' would you like your children's teachers to just resign then, since it's such an easily brushed-aside issue?? It's an issue CAUSED by parenting. Instead of 'oh well, that's not the point, it must just be...' try wondering what on earth your own child might get up to at school. Is your child the one who is telling the teachers that they won't leave the toilet, meaning that teacher also cannot use the toilet at break as they have to deal with the defiant student?

The hysteria over access to toilets is an illustration of why we have so many problems in schools.
Children are being fed this 'well, you just do what you want my darling and I'll scream at the school until they back down, no way should you EVER be even mildly inconvenienced, NOT ON MY WATCH' line and it's turned (some of) them into selfish yobs who lack any empathy. Today alone I have dealt with FOUR parent emails/calls (messages from office) about how DISGUSTING it is that their precious child should get detention when in fact it is the school's fault for having RULES which are UNREASONABLE. These ranged from 'he was late because we overslept which isn't our fault' to 'he can't help retaliating when he gets teased, punching someone is a natural reaction to being laughed at, you should have stopped the other child upsetting him' to 'he forgot his INGREDIENTS because you didn't personally REMIND him when he left yesterday.' I'm not joking.

It's turning children into monstrous brats with a bad case of main character syndrome. I have taught without a free period today and gave up break to talk to a distressed child and lunch to reply to the four angry parents. I kind of want my mum to email and call them in utter outrage that I get such a shit deal.

I'm not referring to kids who flood, but the ones who cannot last two hours without a pee. Flooding is a much much rarer and much more difficult issue than learning a bit of physical self control.

I've never once had a kid wet, soil or flood in my classroom. I had one near miss with puke once but he had no warning it was coming, so I couldn't have let him use the loo!

I get asked to let students use the loo about 15-18 times an hour. I use my judgement and can usually tell who needs it and who wants to skive, or worse. If I'm not sure, I agree but say they have to make up time at break. It's amazing how continent they suddenly become! Girls who need the toilet to change san pro NEVER put hands up, they come up to you with a mysterious and urgent face on and ask under their breath. I always agree but they have to leave their phone on my desk. They always do so cheerfully.

Not being confident to ask a male teacher is something they will need to deal with. It's either bad enough to get over the embarrassment or it's not. There can't be a system in place to remove any hint of difficulty in life unless we want to live like the humans in Wall-E.

THIS!! very well said.

I always say those who cannot go an hour without a toilet always can when it comes to a school trip on a coach. Odd that! Sometimes a two hour school trip. They always manage to hold it or never need to change etc on those visits. Wonder why? maybe those who cannot manage an hour's lesson need to miss the two hour coach trip to Alton Towers as it is too long for them to go without toilet provision! Just a thought!

What coach does not do loo stops? Never happens ime

Only if someone was about to piss themselves would they stop so someone could use the onboard toilet if there is one. Coaches do not routinely stop for a 1 or 2 hour trip. Only ever once stopped in 25 years and that was for a 4 year old. Why do kids stop being able to hold it as well as a kid who just potty trained 10 years down the line?

Do you realistically think the coach should stop every 15 minutes on what would be a 2 hour journey leaving no time at the venue because of piss breaks?

You know, I've looked really hard and can see nowhere that I've claimed all adult women have a perfectly predictable 28 day cycle. And nor have I referenced menopause or childbirth.

But you've raised it so I'll address it. First off, if you're post childbirth and your body is settling I'm going to assume you're either off on maternity leave or have had best part of a year to learn the cues your body gives.

If you're an adult woman you've presumably had quite a long time to learn those indicators of ovulation, premenstruation. And if you haven't, you've had enough years on this planet to learn empathy and to understand that all female bodies don't behave in the same way.

As for menopause, the same point stands. I'd really hope that a perimenopausal woman would be able to understand and appreciate how shit periods can be for other women and girls, and be able to act with enough empathy instead of denying them the absolute basics in humanity.

I don't have a perfect 28 day cycle. I haven't had periods in about 25 years until this last year and there's absolutely nothing regular about my cycle whatsoever. It can be 50 days or 15 days. I'm sure it'll settle. But I count myself very lucky that my periods aren't heavy. I don't for a second think that just because I personally have never flooded a tampon or needed to change it that frequently that nobody else does either. Because I'm an adult with a knowledge, life experience and empathy that surpasses those of a child. You know, because we aren't really comparable.

Utterly ridiculous. No matter your age, sex or health. We have all had times where an urgent rush to a toilet was required. To expect a child to tell a teacher in front of a class she needs to access for that reason is disgraceful.

You know, I think this might be the only post on here that could legitimately qualify as hysterical, complete with all caps yelling. Instead of resigning, or going on a rant against children, parents, the government, and God, you could just look at what the vast majority of schools in the developed world do that enables them to allow toilet breaks without devolving into anarchy.

On the other hand, if you are really as embittered towards children and parents as your post seems to indicate, perhaps you should resign for your own good and everyone else’s.

Ask for a toilet pass. It's unacceptable for her. It's also unacceptable that other kids are exposed to bodily fluids.

In my DD's school, if they want to go to the toilet during a lesson, the teacher writes the time in their planner and they bring the planner with them to the toilets. Any pupil in the corridor during a lesson without their planner gets in trouble if spotted by a teacher. When they come back, the teacher signs the planner with the time.

This allows each teacher to see if they are messing about by asking to go to the toilet in every class, or if they are repeatedly leaving class for long spells.

There is a simple solution to this, call the school and arrange a toilet pass for your DD. There is no wonder there are so many discipline issues in schools at the moment with posters actually suggesting that they’d tell their DC just to get up and walk out without organising a toilet pass first! Have you not considered why these rules have had to be put in place in the first place? The majority of kids at secondary school can manage fine with only going to the toilet at break times. For those who can’t then there are toilet passes. Whoever suggested that parents should go in and supervise toilets was spot on, some people are obviously clueless about what happens in school toilets these days!

Teacher's mat leave is shocking so no they do not have a year off in most cases. Most come back well before a year because teachers do not get things like being able to take all the holiday time accrued etc. Also if periods haven't returned until after you go back that also can be a different issue. If your body gives you cues in a lesson there is nothing you can do about it. Not all get cues. Nope not all have indicators of ovulation, premenstruation. Some get no cues at all and it just happens.

No one is denying females the basics at all. It is the new "I knew someone who got run over by a bus during covid" line.

You said that as an adult then it never is a problem as adults have experience with periods that children do not and so it is not the same. Nope adults do not all have experience with periods or periods that change etc. Not sure why you assume that I think that no one ever floods. Nope females are not comparable as all have different experiences all the time. Not and adult child thing it is female changing bodies thing. To know that would be beneficial that we are all not comparable. 40 year old to 40 year old or 30 year old to 31 year old.

If she has the guts I'd embarrass the teacher by loudly stating that she has her period and asking why they think it's okay for her not to go. But I know teenagers work differently! Politely excusing herself with minimum fuss is the best way forward.

Why would this embarrass the teacher? It would inform them of why they needed to go and not wanting to go out of lesson to dick around as most who leave lesson do.