Page 16 | Periods at school but no toilet pass

PyjamaFiasco · 2025-02-04T12:07:46+00:00

Hello hive mind. What's the policy at your/kids' secondary schools about going to the toilet in lesson? Ours is "no toilet breaks in class without a toilet pass." A toilet pass is issued when you can provide evidence of a medical need. My daughter is on her period this week and yesterday unfortunately leaked through her pad onto her trousers and onto the chair after she had a flooding incident. She had asked to use the toilet and was told no and didn't feel comfortable saying to a male teacher in front of the whole class "sir I'm on my period." She's feeling embarrassed that the person who went to use the chair afterwards would see it. When you go in between lessons the toilets are rammed with students all trying to go at the same time and the 5 minutes between lessons isn't long enough to then get to the next class. Going at break or lunch is fine but when on your period you mind need to go more often/ change it more frequently. She said she felt she had 3 options: do nothing, walk out and go to the toilet anyway and get a detention or be late to the next lesson and get a detention anyway.

Zanzara · 04/02/2025 19:00

trivialMorning · 04/02/2025 15:06

Withholding access to toilets because of fear of vandalism, or 'escaping from a lesson' is not addressing the real issues of bad behaviour and lack of motivation as well as taking pride in having a school where vandalism of buildings isn't acceptable. As always it will be a minority of pupils, but where everyone suffers.
It's a failure by the school management and they need to sort out their way of dealing with lack of engagement - not closing toilets.

I agree and have made those points to DC school.

How ever student behaviour has massively decline in most schools - no real idea why lots of theories.

Even if Op school does change policy or give a pass - having period pants and good pads will help with confidence anyway.

No, it really won't. Stop trivialising an issue you do not understand.

Zanzara · 04/02/2025 19:22

stichguru · 04/02/2025 17:46

I agree that the no toilet rule without a pass is barbaric, but I also think your daughter does need some medical checks. At the height of my periods as an adult, and a teaching assistant in a college, I was regularly managing not to need to go in 2 hour lessons with a sanitary towel in. If she isn't manging 1 or at most 2 hour long lessons without changing or flooding that's a very heavy period for an under 16.

Bully for you. The entire lack of imagination of many posters that their experience is not the same as everyone else's is deeply depressing.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 04/02/2025 19:22

My son has a toilet pass, he is Y11, he requires a pass due to medication he is on.

When he was in Y7, they tried to force us to give his medical condition and stated they needed medical evidence, I emailed them, alongside the medical nurse and the governors to show me the legislation where it requires me to provide my sons private and protected medical history to allow him to use the bathroom when needed.

We got a pass the next day!

Our son to date has a medical care plan in place for his conditions, that we need to share as they are life threatening conditions.

He does not need to share all of his personal medical history for a basic human need.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 04/02/2025 19:32

When the medical world catches up on women’s gynaecology and stops minimising female symptoms, then can a school advise a young girl she needs a pass!, the child shouldn’t have to suffer because of draconian rules!

Dysmenorrhea or pain with menstrual period is one of the hallmark symptoms of endometriosis, but it can occur in up to 90% of women in general, with severe symptoms occurring in up to 30%. It is estimated that 7%–15% of women have endometriosis.

Gynaecology waiting list are over 2/3 years long in some areas.

1/4 woman experience flooding due to their periods being heavy or diagnosed or undiagnosed condition.

Just because the child is in a school environment does not mean her basic toiletry requirements should be overruled by a draconian system!

NoSoupForU · 04/02/2025 19:38

User67556 · 04/02/2025 12:20

Really wow even with heavy periods I would have prevented leakage with a super super tampon (sometimes 2) and a big thick pad (sometimes 2!) I feel for anyone who that wouldn't work for.

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What the shitting fuck am I reading here?

No child should be using 2 tampons because their school rules are created and enforced by people too stupid to realise that sometimes girls need to change their tampon or pad more frequently than the standard break provision allows, or that their period may arrive unexpectedly.

Adults aren't expected to just not change their tampon as and when needed.

mathanxiety · 04/02/2025 19:42

User67556 · 04/02/2025 12:13

What does she use? A decent tampon and pad combo changed at lunch time should stop any leaking even very heavy (I sympathise as I have very heavy periods and it was worse when I was a teenager)

Some girls have extra heavy periods. Some have super extra heavy periods. Some have incredibly super extra heavy periods. We're not all the same.

And you read the OP's description of the lunchtime loo problem, right?

The problem here is the school rule, not the silly girl who can't figure out how to use sanpro.

mathanxiety · 04/02/2025 19:53

Anothermathstutor · 04/02/2025 12:28

Literally never seen this in any of the many schools I’ve been in. This is a basic complaint to the governors. So I’d do that… if it’s true.

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The denial and defensiveness are strong here.

stichguru · 04/02/2025 20:13

Zanzara · 04/02/2025 19:22

Bully for you. The entire lack of imagination of many posters that their experience is not the same as everyone else's is deeply depressing.

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I've worked with MANY females of an age to have periods over 15 years in education, mostly in colleges where lessons were more like university lectures of 2-3 hours and I never remember girls who needed the loo multiple times a lesson apart from occasionally when someone had a known condition. But if you find my suggestion that it's worth looking into to a symptom that could be the sign of something worrying happening to a young girl "deeply depressing" that shows more about your lack of care than it does anything about me. And of course you are right, this girl might be fine, and the poster may know this, in which case I'm sure she will sensibly ignore my comment, but in the unlikely chance I'm right, and it helps the girl, it's worth making.

CluelessAsFuck · 04/02/2025 20:30

For what it's worth my DD uses period pants AND a pad for the first few days - just in case she leaks during lesson. Saying that - they are allowed to go to the loo in a lesson if need be - but we're in NL so guess different school rules.

CluelessAsFuck · 04/02/2025 20:32

cooljerk · 04/02/2025 12:24

A tampon and a pad shouldn't result in flooding ninety minutes after lunch or morning break.

She is presumably too young to have a problem with fibroids.

I think she needs to be checked at the GP.

I had fibroids from a really young age - started periods age 12 and agonising pains for decades. I have about 5 fibroids and had them for years and years.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 04/02/2025 20:36

stichguru · 04/02/2025 17:46

I agree that the no toilet rule without a pass is barbaric, but I also think your daughter does need some medical checks. At the height of my periods as an adult, and a teaching assistant in a college, I was regularly managing not to need to go in 2 hour lessons with a sanitary towel in. If she isn't manging 1 or at most 2 hour long lessons without changing or flooding that's a very heavy period for an under 16.

You were an adult.
It’s normal for them to be much more random and floody in the first few years before they settle down.

Pieceofpurplesky · 04/02/2025 20:49

In a perfect world school kids could go to the toilet when they wanted. We don't, however, live in a perfect world. Toilets smeared in shit, vandalised, used sanitary towels, condoms .... all found often. They are disgusting, and only the kids are to blame. Not all the kids but schools can't afford to keep replacing broken doors, smashed sinks etc.

Then we have the toilet club - the kids who plan what time to meet in there and are missing ten minutes plus.

Get your daughter a pass then she can go as and when needed

Original poster

PyjamaFiasco · 04/02/2025 20:52

User79853257976 · 04/02/2025 18:33

Are you sure she’d get a detention for being late to one lesson? Ours is 3 lates in one day.

Yes, late to one lesson and it's detention.

First time it's detention over break, second late is detention over lunch and third is after-school detention. Not sure if that's over a week, I'd assume so.

OP posts:

BigSilly · 04/02/2025 21:16

MrsMurphyIWish · 04/02/2025 18:17

We allow our students to the toilet when they want. We record in their planners when they leave class and when they re-enter. I have taken to buying a “toilet” stamp as I can sign up to 10 planners a lesson!

If you have 10 going to the toilet in one lesson it is clear your non-toilet pass system is being mercilessly abused!

BigSilly · 04/02/2025 21:20

When I was at secondary school in the 80s no one went to the toilet during lesson time. Kids digestive, urinary and reproductive systems have changed in that time, so that only leaves behaviour

JimHalpertsWife · 04/02/2025 21:30

BigSilly · 04/02/2025 21:20

When I was at secondary school in the 80s no one went to the toilet during lesson time. Kids digestive, urinary and reproductive systems have changed in that time, so that only leaves behaviour

The average age for puberty in girls has falled from about 13 in 1980 to 11 in those girls born in 2013 (current Y7). So it stands to reason that biologically, things are slightly different.

It's therefore possible that not only are most girls starting younger than they did 40 years ago, but that the actual period itself might also be a little different.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 04/02/2025 21:33

BigSilly · 04/02/2025 21:20

When I was at secondary school in the 80s no one went to the toilet during lesson time. Kids digestive, urinary and reproductive systems have changed in that time, so that only leaves behaviour

Yet when I went to school also in the 80’s I went to the toilet during lessons!

So that leave your “opinion” baseless!

SleepyHippy3 · 04/02/2025 21:57

Neveragain35 · 04/02/2025 17:04

In reality it is never longer than 2 hours without a break and usually no more than 1 hour. Students need to learn to prepare for that in the same way they would prepare for a long car journey or a day out- go to the toilet when you have the opportunity even if you don’t need it, wear a sanitary pad if you know your period is due, etc.

In reality, for a lot of young women, on their heaviest period days, that logic does not apply. Talking from my real experience, in said situation (above), I definitely wouldn’t, and I didn’t last waiting for of a minimum of 2 hours to go to the toilet. You saying students need to prepare, that girl students need to “prepare” is utterly patronising. On days out or a long car journey, I make sure that there are places that I can stop and sort myself out, like a normal human being. This is so frustrating. I hate how society still puts girls and women, in the back seat, in terms of their most, basic human rights and entitlement.

Cowabunga33 · 04/02/2025 22:51

stichguru · 04/02/2025 20:13

I've worked with MANY females of an age to have periods over 15 years in education, mostly in colleges where lessons were more like university lectures of 2-3 hours and I never remember girls who needed the loo multiple times a lesson apart from occasionally when someone had a known condition. But if you find my suggestion that it's worth looking into to a symptom that could be the sign of something worrying happening to a young girl "deeply depressing" that shows more about your lack of care than it does anything about me. And of course you are right, this girl might be fine, and the poster may know this, in which case I'm sure she will sensibly ignore my comment, but in the unlikely chance I'm right, and it helps the girl, it's worth making.

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Did you also examine everyone’s knickers on leaving to make sure they hadn’t leaked anywhere???

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 04/02/2025 22:54

TheAirfryerQueen · 04/02/2025 14:41

We had these stupid rules at my daughter's girls school. I did complain but the Head of Year cited behaviour. On period days my daughter would use an extra thick pad and go all day with it because there was no chance of using the loo at breaks, they were rammed.

That's awful, sometimes an extra thick pad just isn't enough. Even if you double up with two.
It's not possible to go all day with one sometimes, disgusting that they had to.

Cowabunga33 · 04/02/2025 22:58

Rosscameasdoody · 04/02/2025 14:35

But why should she need to. It’s abusive to deny a child access to the toilet to the point where a basic biological function should cause distress or embarrassment. If my child had come home with clothing soiled like this because she hadn’t been allowed to sort herself out I’d be raging. And in addition schools are storing up trouble for later years. Regularly holding in urine or faeces can lead to infections digestive issues, dehydration and long term health problems from resulting incontinence.

Edited

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I haven’t said anywhere she should have to especially if you had read my previous comment but if it were to ever happen again at least she might feel more comfortable being able to wait and get rid of any evidence

Rachie1973 · 04/02/2025 23:00

User67556 · 04/02/2025 12:20

Really wow even with heavy periods I would have prevented leakage with a super super tampon (sometimes 2) and a big thick pad (sometimes 2!) I feel for anyone who that wouldn't work for.

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You absolutely should not be using 2 tampons at once.

godmum56 · 05/02/2025 12:33

BigSilly · 04/02/2025 21:20

When I was at secondary school in the 80s no one went to the toilet during lesson time. Kids digestive, urinary and reproductive systems have changed in that time, so that only leaves behaviour

When I was at school in the 70's, (all girl) people did ask to be excused when they had their period or for other reasons and there was never a problem with being excused during a lesson BUT there were never queues for the toilets, Thinking back we had around 35 cubicles for 640 pupils spread around the school and I can't remember there ever being queues or having to choose between the loo and lunch. I won't say no one ever smoked in the loos but there was no vaping then and definitely no vandalism.

godmum56 · 05/02/2025 12:36

JimHalpertsWife · 04/02/2025 21:30

The average age for puberty in girls has falled from about 13 in 1980 to 11 in those girls born in 2013 (current Y7). So it stands to reason that biologically, things are slightly different.

It's therefore possible that not only are most girls starting younger than they did 40 years ago, but that the actual period itself might also be a little different.

Show quote history

yup I didn't start till age 15 and while I was one of the last in my year it wasn't unusually late. born in the 50's.

BigSilly · 05/02/2025 12:44

The NHS website says that if periods are as heavy as you say your daughter's are, you need to see your Gp. Why haven't you taken her to the doctor?