Don’t want MIL living with us

[Justlivelovelaugheat]

I feel awful writing this. My MIL is the loveliest. I feel like the grinch. My husband really wants to move her in to help with the kids and have a closer family unit but I feel like it’ll be more of a hindrance than a help. I love my privacy. Walking around, hair looking a bit crazy, don’t have to worry about nobody judging me and my parenting skills. And above all I feel like if husband and I disagree then it won’t be 2 against 1. Has anyone ever had a successful story with any in laws moving into your gaff?

Big fat no from me I wouldn't want my mil living with me, just like I wouldn't want my own mum living with me.

Tell him they can share a room and you can have the one he wants her to have. Because there will be no of That Business with her under the roof....
Or tell him stats show it's 'traditional' to ltb when they have ridiculous ideas!!!

So she's perfectly close enough to pop in and give ad hoc help now and then anyway. Absolutely NO need for anything to change.

Firm no from me. As you’re a SAHM is this because he wants you to go back to work? If not, seems little point as you’re at home.

You’ve just assumed @Justlivelovelaugheat is not Asian. Maybe she is

Absolutely hell to the no

Suggest moving one of your parents in to be a closer family unit/have more help at home and see what he says to that
Is there a pressing reason that hes planning to move MIL in?

I wouldn't do it but my bf did it with her dh, kids and her parents. They sold their houses and bought a big one. The plan was the separate it to give them their own closed off space, but they have lived in a shared space for nearly 1.5 years and don't intend on getting them their own space. They are all very happy. The parents do have their own beautiful lounge and en suite bedroom.

My bf loves it as they help with the kids. If she needs to nip out the parents are happy keeping an eye on the dc (late primary). The parents tidy up the communal spaces during the day and love gardening so that's sorted too.

She said in a previous post that even her Asian friends don't want to live with their in laws so it's a pretty fair assumption.

If you don’t want this then that’s the bottom line.

No way! DH suggested FIL move in after MIL passed. DH was doing his thing where he blocks out everything except his own opinion & was determined.

I pulled his rose tinted glasses off & pointed out the lack of privacy, demands for conversation when DH was tired after work, how FIL would come everywhere with us, including holidays. I explained how DH wouldn't be do his hobbies anymore, because I wasn't entertaining FIL while he flitted off. Plus fast forward to future elderly care, right about the time we want to retire & travel. Changed his mind very quickly. Maybe try that!

Yes, I’m not.

If your MIL is happily settled w your BIL, why would your DH want her to move?
Perhaps you should let him know, while it works well with his brother's family, it doesn't mean it would work with his own family especially when his wife is not on board. Wouldn't he look a fool if things fall apart after getting his own way and moving his mother in?

Is your DH Asian?

Nope he wants to be very traditional. I definitely will return back to work though. Traditional my backside.

Not a cat's hope in hell here.
If DH was set on an idea like this, I'd be asking him to go and move in with her.
I grew up in a house full of people, never even an empty room. The idea of recreating that as an adult makes me want to run away and live under a hedge.

Nope white British.

Oh god me too! I’m one of 7. I had 2 kids now I’m ready for the snip because I can’t deal with a chaotic household. It’s not as fun as people would think. I used to just chill in my room. That’s how I know I need space!

God no. No. No. No. why is she living with the other son?

How about getting a big house with a separate annex rather than her move in.

How old are the kids? I know everyone says it but they honestly grow so fast. Once they are at secondary school they become so independent and spend huge amounts of time out with their friends and at sleepovers etc. That’s when you and your husband would have so much free time together but you’d turn around and your MIL would be there and probably needing care herself.

I don't think it's a great idea.
However three or four short bursts of a week at a time per year might be positive... and give every one a taste of what they don't want permanently.

Having MIL live within twenty minutes drive could be helpful to both households. Or on a direct train route.

What is the primary reason your DH thinks it wouild be beneficial?

He is single. I don’t want to seem like I’m bad mouthing her by saying that. She is a great woman. Their family are close but I’ve just got different values. Each to their own

@Justlivelovelaugheat
I'm one of 6 kids and we had my Nan living with us too 😩
It was bloody awful & having my own quiet room to escape to when I left home was the best feeling in the world! I really feel for you right now!

MiL lived next door. This was perfect. She was a private person and very much didn't want to interfere in our lives. As she needed more help, it was so easy to go round to do what she needed, or just call in for a cuppa. But we would all have hated it if she had actually moved in. I can't see that even our excellent relationship would have survived living in the same house. It would be a hard no from me. If it isn't something you wholeheartedly want, definitely don't do it and please make it clear to your DH asap. As a PP said, putting your foot down early is far better than potentially getting MiLs hopes up and then dashing them.

11 months and 2.5 years. So it’s definitely hard but it’s manageable.