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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband leaving me and kids alone in foreign country

168 replies

Hunnybunny235 · 04/02/2025 05:13

Okay this is going to be an unusual one. My husband and I are travelling around Thailand for the month with our kids 3 and 1. As we just arrived a few days ago our body clocks are out of whack and the kids and I sleep during the day. As husband is a digital nomad he needs to work whenever he can. Well we just got into an argument. I feel like his being selfish and he says I treat him horrible because I asked if while we sleep he can work from home as he wants to work in a fun Thai cafe or something. I feel like I’m stopping a child from having fun and his definitely throwing his toys out the pram saying his just always meant to suffer. I encourage for him to work away but only while we’re awake. We don’t have a hotel it’s an AirBnB in the middle of the jungle literally. You hear about snakes coming into houses (the neighbours said they have had this problem), scorpions, and not to mention I don’t know the natives or the language. If something happens while I’m asleep with the kids we’re doomed and there’s no one to protect us. I feel like his only thinking about himself and even though I am very appreciative of his hard work and treating us to this trip, I don’t feel like im being unreasonable or “treating him bad” I’m a mother and my kids are my greatest priority. If I’m awake I can protect them if something or someone enters the house. When I’m sleeping I’m useless and would feel comfortable with someone else there. When I wake up he can work in Bali for all I care. What part of that is unreasonable?

OP posts:
festivemouse · 04/02/2025 05:24

Eh, I think you're a bit unreasonable. I'm not sure what sort of snake / scorpion attack you're anticipating, but unless he's working in the same room you're asleep and watching you all - he's not going to notice a scorpion planning your demise!

Surely if you were all asleep together you'd be in the same situation with regard to snakes / natives? Unless one of you is always planning on being awake to "protect" the others?

If it's that much of an issue I'd consider swapping the Air BnB for a hotel. But yes I think he should be able to go and work from a cafe during the day!

Rachmorr57 · 04/02/2025 05:27

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dreamingofpalms · 04/02/2025 05:30

It doesn't sound like you're fully bought into the idea of this trip. It's not an easy trip to do (not very relaxing!) when your DCs are so young and your DH needs to work.
Did you actually want to do this holiday beforehand? Whatever - you now need to try and enjoy it and make the most of it.

Original poster
Hunnybunny235 · 04/02/2025 05:31

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Hey no one’s asked for you to be nasty! Issues are just below the belt lol as I’m aware it might sound bizarre to you but you hear horror stories about things happening to people abroad. Appreciate your comment I always ask this forum so I can be the first to apologise or see the error in my ways. That don’t warrant personal attacks my love.

OP posts:
araiwa · 04/02/2025 05:33

Stop sleeping all day so you can watch out for scorpions

NeedSomeComfy · 04/02/2025 05:33

YABU. If you were all sleeping at the same time there, who would be protecting you then?
If neither of you had discussed the logistics of taking this trip with two young children where you would be the caregiver while your husband worked, you are both very bad planners and rather irresponsible.

Original poster
Hunnybunny235 · 04/02/2025 05:33

dreamingofpalms · 04/02/2025 05:30

It doesn't sound like you're fully bought into the idea of this trip. It's not an easy trip to do (not very relaxing!) when your DCs are so young and your DH needs to work.
Did you actually want to do this holiday beforehand? Whatever - you now need to try and enjoy it and make the most of it.

Haha you must be a fortune teller. I was extremely anxious for this trip. We did 3 months in Spain which i LOVED (originally from UK.) We always planned on going back to our hometown but when the idea of Thailand was brought up I felt more like I needed to please DH. It’s beautiful and lovely don’t get me wrong but definitely worried about the language barrier!

OP posts:
PeloMom · 04/02/2025 05:33

What happens when you all convert to the time zone and are asleep at the same time?
if the accommodation is unsafe/ in the middle of nowhere time to look for a different one. I’ve travelled to Thailand, admittedly in more touristy areas, and never had issues with the language barrier.

lovemyboyz247 · 04/02/2025 05:34

Do you have the option to move to a hotel? You may feel more comfortable than where you are staying at the moment if your husband is working

winterwarmer8274 · 04/02/2025 05:36

I think YABU. If you don’t feel safe where you are - move. You’re in Thailand, not the middle of the Amazon jungle.

You have google translate on your phone - you can communicate with this if needed.

Also, what have you done to try and beat the jet lag?

Sleeping in the day for an extended period of time is really the worst thing you can do for jet lag (I understand it’s hard with kids) and it will drag on for much longer if you keep sleeping! You should try and be up and out as much of the day as possible.

If you feel tired - I imagine your DH has it worse trying to work with jet lag, and getting out of the house to a cafe really helps with the tiredness. If he was at home with you all sleeping it would be VERY hard for him not to sleep too.

Original poster
Hunnybunny235 · 04/02/2025 05:37

PeloMom · 04/02/2025 05:33

What happens when you all convert to the time zone and are asleep at the same time?
if the accommodation is unsafe/ in the middle of nowhere time to look for a different one. I’ve travelled to Thailand, admittedly in more touristy areas, and never had issues with the language barrier.

Edited

I should have written this better but the jist of it is still correct. Only the kids and I sleep during the day while husband works

OP posts:
AllesAusLiebe · 04/02/2025 05:38

If you don't speak the language, how have you found out about the stories about snakes and scorpions?

Can't comment on the scorpions, but most snakes would generally prefer to be nowhere near people, if they can avoid it.

Shoxfordian · 04/02/2025 05:38

Can you stay somewhere else if you don't feel safe? Yabu really if husband can be awake then so can you, let the kids sleep

Whyherewego · 04/02/2025 05:39

You both sound jet lagged and not thinking straight. I'm not sure what he's expecting from a café unless there's no Internet at your Airbnb so he's being petulant by insisting on working out of the house. And saying he's always meant to suffer is totally OTT.
I'm not sure you're thinking rationally around risks of beasties or intruders when you are asleep. They are the exact same risks when you are awake. If you are awake then there's not a lot more you can do to protect against these, and if the children shout out you'd wake up presumably. I imagine you're not far from them or you could sleep in same room as them? If you are this worried about the risks of where you are staying I wonder whether you be best cutting the Airbnb stay short and going to a hotel? You may find it more relaxing

LochKatrine · 04/02/2025 05:40

Are you actually enjoying the trip at all?

slashlover · 04/02/2025 05:42

Hunnybunny235 · 04/02/2025 05:37

I should have written this better but the jist of it is still correct. Only the kids and I sleep during the day while husband works

Show quote history

So are you just planning to never adjust and spend the whole month asleep all day and awake all night?

category12 · 04/02/2025 05:43

If you're in the middle of the jungle, what internet cafe is there to work from? Is he going miles away?

Sounds like you'd be happier in a hotel if it's too rural for you.

Lampan · 04/02/2025 05:44

Get some melatonin to take in the evenings and force yourself to stay awake during the day. You’ll get over the jet lag in a day or two. No chance you’ll get over it if you’re not making any attempt to keep your routine on local time.

lovemyboyz247 · 04/02/2025 05:45

He might be choosing to work at the cafe as he doesn't want to disturb you when you are sleeping or knowing you are all sleeping, is making him want to sleep too and working in a cafe is better for him.

If you are sleeping all day, are you awake all night? It might be a better idea to just have a short nap during the day while you try and adjust to the time difference rather than sleeping for long periods as you won't adjust to the time difference

Highlighta · 04/02/2025 05:47

The best way to get over jet lag is to get into the local time zone asap.

Force yourself to stay awake until the night time. It seems it will solve most of the issues ...🤨

As for snakes and scorpions. Did you even do any research?

Gumbo · 04/02/2025 05:48

I grew up in a country where I occasionally saw both snakes and scorpions (even in cities). I never encountered anyone who'd been bitten/stung in their own homes - although the odd snake bite occurred when wondering through the bush.

You'll be fine.

Original poster
Hunnybunny235 · 04/02/2025 05:51

category12 · 04/02/2025 05:43

If you're in the middle of the jungle, what internet cafe is there to work from? Is he going miles away?

Sounds like you'd be happier in a hotel if it's too rural for you.

Yes precisely. The beach and the tourist parts are an hour away. I wouldn’t even think about driving with the kids as the driving here is sooo dangerous especially as tourists. As this was the only accommodation available for the current time, it’s a bit far and out the mix. Im a SAHM and have been since the start. Husband worked away on multiple occasions was always fine because family was near but there’s something about a foreign country you don’t want to be far with no one around. If something happens I don’t know anywhere here! We will stay in a hotel soon which is closer to everything and the kids and I will be absolutely fine. But for now you can see I’m stressing lol

OP posts:
Hwi · 04/02/2025 05:52

1 and 3 and Thailand?

Original poster
Hunnybunny235 · 04/02/2025 05:52

Gumbo · 04/02/2025 05:48

I grew up in a country where I occasionally saw both snakes and scorpions (even in cities). I never encountered anyone who'd been bitten/stung in their own homes - although the odd snake bite occurred when wondering through the bush.

You'll be fine.

Oh wow that sounds exotic what country? :)

OP posts:
1234567890qwerty · 04/02/2025 05:54

Hunnybunny235 · 04/02/2025 05:31

Hey no one’s asked for you to be nasty! Issues are just below the belt lol as I’m aware it might sound bizarre to you but you hear horror stories about things happening to people abroad. Appreciate your comment I always ask this forum so I can be the first to apologise or see the error in my ways. That don’t warrant personal attacks my love.

Show quote history

You hear more horror stories about things happening to people at home. You sound very anxious and unreasonable. Sort out your body clock and try to stop worrying about things that are unlikely to happen.