Husband leaving me and kids alone in foreign country

[Hunnybunny235]

Okay this is going to be an unusual one. My husband and I are travelling around Thailand for the month with our kids 3 and 1. As we just arrived a few days ago our body clocks are out of whack and the kids and I sleep during the day. As husband is a digital nomad he needs to work whenever he can. Well we just got into an argument. I feel like his being selfish and he says I treat him horrible because I asked if while we sleep he can work from home as he wants to work in a fun Thai cafe or something. I feel like I’m stopping a child from having fun and his definitely throwing his toys out the pram saying his just always meant to suffer. I encourage for him to work away but only while we’re awake. We don’t have a hotel it’s an AirBnB in the middle of the jungle literally. You hear about snakes coming into houses (the neighbours said they have had this problem), scorpions, and not to mention I don’t know the natives or the language. If something happens while I’m asleep with the kids we’re doomed and there’s no one to protect us. I feel like his only thinking about himself and even though I am very appreciative of his hard work and treating us to this trip, I don’t feel like im being unreasonable or “treating him bad” I’m a mother and my kids are my greatest priority. If I’m awake I can protect them if something or someone enters the house. When I’m sleeping I’m useless and would feel comfortable with someone else there. When I wake up he can work in Bali for all I care. What part of that is unreasonable?

Why not?
Kids adjust easily, if they are happy and healthy it's a great way to live.

I know what a digital nomad is. But it shouldn't stop him from doing his fair share of looking after two tiny children in an exotic, unfamiliar land.

We travelled a lot, 2--3 months at a time, when our children were little. But we always had a plan and put their needs first.

I'm still not clear what you are planning to do in Thailand.

I live in Thailand... I am a bit confused why you have chosen an Airbnb in the middle of nowhere considering it really isn't that expensive here to be in a more populated location.

If you are in town then you can use Grab or Bolt to get you to a hospital if you need to.

It seems really silly to have chosen a random, rural location... Thai people are lovely and there's places with every amenity you could desire. You guys have made this much harder on yourselves than it needs to be.

You will feel much safer in town, and he could pop out for a few hours without you feeling so isolated.

Also you don't need to worry about people coming into your house. It just doesn't happen here. Cambodia is a different story, but Thailand is very safe for foreigners as long as you are sensible and don't piss off the wrong people.

Yes but you don't seem at all suited to this lifestyle. Sleeping all day and needing your husband to stay and protect you.

There's actually heaps of 1 and 3 year olds in Thailand.

Whatever you do don't ride a moped. Those things are death traps. Why can't you just move somewhere more urban now? Then you can take the kids out everyday to shops and cafes and beaches and parks and all sorts and then they'll be exhausted and sleep all night.
Are you in Bali or Thailand? I must have misread.

”You really have issues” is the part thats unnecessary. If I asked this question to someone in real life they would leave that bit out even if they’re thinking it but that’s the beauty of the internet lol! Next of course it’s different actually being here like I’ve said before you can’t know exactly what something is like until you come here. Many forums when researching say you will never see a snake but when we got here the neighbour told us one was in his house. Again, how could I have anticipated that?

In the north at mo.

Oh yes would never. Sadly, I seen someone in a moped crash yesterday looked in a horrible way. Really hope he is doing well.

Tbh the whole thing sounds pretty horrific, specially with a 1 and 3 yr old!
What do you do all night when you and they are awake from sleeping in the day and your dh is asleep?

What are you going to do with two toddlers all day while your husband works if you don't feel comfortable doing things alone?

You don't sound cut out for this sort of trip (and I don't blame you) and your DH sounds like he's trying to live this nomadic care free life style rather than think practically about what's best when you have young kids.

You didn't go
All the way to Thailand to spend every day asleep. Not unreasonable at all for him to want to go out.

I think either you embrace the trip or you go home. He’s working, which funds your lifestyle. He’s not at a beach rave.

Just until I get used to it. I haven’t been here long and just want to get a bit comfortable make more connections with the locals. Nothing wrong with protecting each other! He works away a lot when we’re at home it’s never a problem. In this situation just want to get used to the land :)

Well presumably the baby is crawling around and I would be worried they got bitten by something. Is your house concrete built so unlikely anything enters?

I lived in the far east with small babies but had a housekeeper, gardener, driver. An eight foot python was found in a nearby tree -but it was after the neighbours chickens not the baby. There is probably also rabies we thought one of the DCs might have been bitten by a ?squirrel and woud require jabs but turned out they hadn't. Move house.

Did a lot of travel with 3 young kids in SE Asia. You need to get them into the timezone ASAP. You also need to plan better! What are you going to do in a jungle all day?!

Can I ask where you're staying? I lived in Thailand and traveled to more rural places and never had an issue. I do understand anxiety when being in new places though.

See your point.

Oh god you have not made my fears any better lol! That’s crazy. Yes he does crawl and that’s what I’m afraid of. Two pairs of eyes are better than one when it comes to two kids and would love someone to be around to make sure they’re safe. Definitely will move though! Do you still live here?

YABU. Let him go and work where he works best. You're a big girl and don't need him to watch over you all sleeping. You don't need to be sleeping during the day anyway, work on changing that with your kids and it won't be an issue in a few days.

How long? South but not Phuket although we do plan on going there soon. My toddler is very stubborn sleep wise but the baby is starting to adjust quite well.

If you were in Bangkok for two days, why are you still not operating in local time?

From what is sounds, you are no longer in Bangkok. So how long have you been in Thailand? 4 days?

If you arrived a few days ago you should have adapted to the local time zone by now. Sleeping all day while your husband is awake all day doesn't sound a good idea & makes no sense to me. I've done long haul flights in the past where got zero sleep overnight and still adapted to the local time zone within a couple of days. And should be even easier for the kids as they can nap during the day but don't need to sleep all day! Not if you want them to adapt to living in Thailand.

I think you should sort out your sleeping patterns (after all, your husband had to do it immediately) and then a lot of the other problems would disappear.

You're only there for a month - let your DH go out and about and see things. If you've been able to communicate enough with the neighbours for them to tell you about snakes, then surely they'll be able to help you in an emergency? They'll probably more helpful than your DH.

Your thread title is very dramatic for your situation.

Your DH is essentially leaving you and the children to sleep whilst he goes to a cafe?

Looks like you are starting to get into the timezone now. Not sure why you chose to stay in a "jungle" if you have animal/ crawly fears. Once you get a beach resort you will love it. Thailand is my favourite place you just need to find some more child friendly areas.

I'm v jealous!

If you don't feel safe without your husband there then different accommodation would be better if you can afford it- it's makes no difference whether you are awake or asleep with the things you are worried about.

Since your that far from a beach, etc, isn't it better that he works where he wants when you're sleeping and be with you and the children when you're awake? Imo, it doesn't make sense for him to work when you're all awake at the same time.

Enjoy the experience though, I wish I had the funds and job to take mine travelling. Its an opportunity that not many people have!