Husband leaving me and kids alone in foreign country

[Hunnybunny235]

Okay this is going to be an unusual one. My husband and I are travelling around Thailand for the month with our kids 3 and 1. As we just arrived a few days ago our body clocks are out of whack and the kids and I sleep during the day. As husband is a digital nomad he needs to work whenever he can. Well we just got into an argument. I feel like his being selfish and he says I treat him horrible because I asked if while we sleep he can work from home as he wants to work in a fun Thai cafe or something. I feel like I’m stopping a child from having fun and his definitely throwing his toys out the pram saying his just always meant to suffer. I encourage for him to work away but only while we’re awake. We don’t have a hotel it’s an AirBnB in the middle of the jungle literally. You hear about snakes coming into houses (the neighbours said they have had this problem), scorpions, and not to mention I don’t know the natives or the language. If something happens while I’m asleep with the kids we’re doomed and there’s no one to protect us. I feel like his only thinking about himself and even though I am very appreciative of his hard work and treating us to this trip, I don’t feel like im being unreasonable or “treating him bad” I’m a mother and my kids are my greatest priority. If I’m awake I can protect them if something or someone enters the house. When I’m sleeping I’m useless and would feel comfortable with someone else there. When I wake up he can work in Bali for all I care. What part of that is unreasonable?

This doesn't sound like your idea of fun. You are there now though and unless you want to cut the trip short I think you need to try and adapt.

Your husband going to work in a cafe seems fine to me. What are you doing to adjust the body clocks of you are your children? Sleeping all day isn't going to help so I think you need to try and scale this back and get out. If you are in the middle of the jungle and there's nothing to do then how about you move somewhere slightly less remote.

Yup! Might as well before they’re in school. We’ve met friends worldwide with kids same ages as our kids who have been even more places than us! It sounds crazy unless you do it. As long as they’re happy, healthy and the parents have the funds who cares how others live their life!

Hang on in there OP. In a few days your body clocks are going to sync and you'll be able to keep daytime hours and get out and about a bit. Your current accommodation doesn't sound ideal if you're so far out of your comfort zone but, as you get used to the country, you'll probably feel more at ease.

I actually don't think it would kill your husband to be more supportive.

Very practical approach appreciate it! :) well we’ve been here a few days. As they’re young it isn’t any point making the kids stay up all day and get overtired but slowly they’re making steps in the right direction!

This is so weird.

1 month 'holiday'....... but husband has to work
Children are tiny - too young to appreciate the attractions of Thailand
Mother thinks that sleeping in daytime is the answer to jetlag
There seems to be no itinerary, no planned excursions

What planning has gone into this trip? Why are you there?

Jet lag with small kids is not fun.

Been there done that.

Hopefully they are starting to move in the right direction.

The traffic may look chaotic (and I wouldn't advise driving) but if you get a taxi or tuk tuk they are pretty safe. There's rules of the road and they do know them.

Almost anywhere in Thailand looks like jungle to U.K. eyes. Most of it is pretty safe though and snakes generally don't want to be around people. Can you check out what the locals do? (Probably keep doors closed etc).

My family regularly travel to Asia with DC. It is worth keeping them up and going through a day or two of grumpy tired children to sort the jet lag.
Don't let them nap more than short naps during the day and then get them moved onto a better schedule which will help

YABU. He's trying to work through jet lag and adjust to the local schedule (as you should be btw) and you want him to sit in a silent airbnb trying to stay awake and focus on work while watching his family sleep the day away? That sounds absolutely miserable and utterly unnecessary.

If this trip wasn't your preference the reasonable options were to either say no or say yes and commit to trying to make it a great experience for everyone. Do you honestly feel like you're doing the latter? If you believe your accomodations aren't safe you need to move, not expect your DH to sit on watch duty while you sleep like you're on a war campaign.

After a few days what progress have you made switching to a local schedule? I'm a frequent traveler and by far the biggest things for jet lag (besides the obvious step of intentionally shifting your sleep) are getting out in the sun, being active during the day and eating and drinking on the local schedule. Staying home all day and sleeping (or watching others sleep) is a horrid idea.

Does this digital nomad thing make him an income or is he currently trying to make it happen?

Because I could imagine being dragged to Thailand under the auspices of work, when really it's just a very expensive holiday where there's no holiday activities, and it's a drag on on family finances, as being very annoying. I'd resent it too.

If you’ve got a mosquito net and make sure it’s well tucked in none of the critters will get to you and your kids while you sleep.

The previous posters aren’t wrong really, but you’re tired. Everything seems worse when we’re tired and we don’t do our best thinking when we’re tired. When you’re well rested you may well find you’re more measured about your concerns and will settle in to what sounds like rather isolated accommodation. Or decide it isn’t suitable for young children should an emergency arise and move as a PP suggested.

But all you’ve asked him to do is stay at the Air BNB with you for one day. He sounds like a petulant child whining that you are spoiling his fun ( for one fucking day). Even if your reasons were silly it’s not like you’re blocking a once in a lifetime opportunity, he’d be working in the cafe. How much fun is he expecting it to be? Surely if he’s going to be working he will only be vaguely aware of all the fun going on around him. Tosser.

I think yabu. I can see why he doesn't want to sit in working whilst you all sleep when he could work somewhere more interesting...I'd want to make the most of being away, not sitting trying to work quietly whilst you all sleep so I see where he is coming from

Kids at 1 and 3 are pretty portable, why not try and carry on with the day and get body clocks more in sync with local time instead of sleeping in the day?

What is the local advice for dealing with snakes/scorpions? I'm not sure what you expect him to do of one comes in and you are asleep? One could come in in the night when you are all asleep?

Very funny actually I’m writing this at 1pm of course it must be English time for you. And the kids have gone sleep a lot earlier than the previous day. We all went to the beach yesterday morning and grabbed breakfast. We’ve been here 2 days relax! I’m not the worst mom because they’re aren’t sleeping at 7pm when we literally come from the UK!!

Usually taxis are very cheap so getting around shouldn't be a problem. You and the kids have to get over the jet lag, you sound like you are intending to stay on UK time for the whole trip! Bite the bullet and stay up till sensible Thai times for the kids and you and get up at a sensible time, a day or two maybe a bit grumpy and all will be well.

More so travelling to be fair. Digital nomad means someone who can work remote from anywhere in the world. Husband has businesses and has to maintain em not an employee. Next, who says it’s for the kids? Being a parent doesn’t mean you can’t see the world. I got one life and I intend on living it unless a snake takes me out (only joking!) UK is so cold kids are ill all the time really this is 1000% better even if it seems like I’m complaining. My bad.

So what's the big problem if you are now pretty much over the jet lag?

We just come back from grocery shopping it’s 1 now. Yes toddler has been grumpy but baby is happier than ever. We have many excursions planned in the next week so the bullet will definitely be bitten.

YABU and expecting him to pander to you. Sorry to sound harsh but you are a grown ass woman, you dont need protecting. So what if he wants to work in a Cafe? Sounds like you want everything your way...

Any recommendations? It is such a beautiful place absolutely loved Bangkok as we stayed for 2 days when we landed. Everyone was so friendly and loads to do!

Why are you sleeping in the day? If you from UK then you should be adjusted by the 2nd day

Tbh it sounds as though you are a bit out in the sticks which may be a tad boring but Thailand is very safe ( I am currently here)

You described the situation as "the kids and I sleep during the day." Did you just mean a nap then?

Your DH is also jet lagged and trying to get adjusted to local time so getting outside, getting some activity, being around other awake people (a walk/ride to a cafe for example) is going be make a dramatic difference in his ability to stay awake and work.

No one has called you the worst mum and I certainly didn't. Maybe AIBU isn't what you're needing right now.

One thing I’ve learnt in my years is not to judge a book by its cover. I love my husband as much as we get on each others nerves lol we also have 2 young kids and are extremely tired. He still is and always will be the most interesting person I know. It’s called mumsnet for a reason. Talk to a community of parents and who can tell you when you’re wrong and offer you advice to better yourself! You don’t know my name or even his. How can you judge two strangers lol. I’m pretty sure that makes you just as delusional as me so hop off your high horse thanks for your comment have a great day :) remember to smile.

Wow what part? Have a great time!

You need to slowly adjust yourself and kids into the timezone. Mine went all over, for long periods, as babies and toddlers, for husbands work, it was so exciting and not difficult to gradually change their sleep pattern.

It wasn't a personal attack though? It was stating the obvious.
And if you've read all the stories about attacks online, why did you still go and stay in "the middle of the jungle" with two small children?