Husband leaving me and kids alone in foreign country

[Hunnybunny235]

Okay this is going to be an unusual one. My husband and I are travelling around Thailand for the month with our kids 3 and 1. As we just arrived a few days ago our body clocks are out of whack and the kids and I sleep during the day. As husband is a digital nomad he needs to work whenever he can. Well we just got into an argument. I feel like his being selfish and he says I treat him horrible because I asked if while we sleep he can work from home as he wants to work in a fun Thai cafe or something. I feel like I’m stopping a child from having fun and his definitely throwing his toys out the pram saying his just always meant to suffer. I encourage for him to work away but only while we’re awake. We don’t have a hotel it’s an AirBnB in the middle of the jungle literally. You hear about snakes coming into houses (the neighbours said they have had this problem), scorpions, and not to mention I don’t know the natives or the language. If something happens while I’m asleep with the kids we’re doomed and there’s no one to protect us. I feel like his only thinking about himself and even though I am very appreciative of his hard work and treating us to this trip, I don’t feel like im being unreasonable or “treating him bad” I’m a mother and my kids are my greatest priority. If I’m awake I can protect them if something or someone enters the house. When I’m sleeping I’m useless and would feel comfortable with someone else there. When I wake up he can work in Bali for all I care. What part of that is unreasonable?

Basically we wanted to travel to places on our bucket list to see where we would want to apply for a visa. When the kids are older we really want to settle down in a nice country (uk is riddled with knife crime.) After going Spain for a quarter of the year we both decided we want to stay there but as we r no longer in the EU have to leave after 90 days. While we apply for a visa we thought might as well visit somewhere else. Thailand or US n this won!

But you sound incredibly anxious and unhappy, rather than someone who thrives on a new climate, culture, language and set of challenges…

What nice country would you like to settle in?

“Two pairs of eyes are better than one when it comes to two kids and would love someone to be around to make sure they’re safe.”

That’s just not reasonable, OP, if your DH has to work. As for making more connections with the locals, just how many connections do you think you’re really going to make if you’re only there for a month and are moving around at that? Yes, there are snakes in Thailand - and you have to look out for them in the jungle, but like others, I don’t entirely understand why you’re living off the beaten track. As to your original question, YABU in not allowing your DH to go to internet cafés for his work - it would be like not wanting him to go into the office in the UK, if he’s a digital nomad. If you’re a SAHM, then he has to do his job while you look after the kids, and you can’t expect him to stay at home all the time.

This is the best advice.

You’re thinking of moving to the US to get away from knife crime in the UK? Erm…

The more you post, the more it sounds like you think you should want this lifestyle because you’ve seen it on instagram, but in reality you are more suited to a diet of beige food and a semi-detached in the British suburbs. This would be an amazing lifestyle for someone who enjoys this sort of thing, but you clearly don’t so why are you pressing on with something you clearly hate that’s making you miserable? Not everyone is cut out for the lifestyle of “adventure and travel”, and you clearly are not so why force yourself to pretend when it’s making you unhappy?

Go home, take the man child to the cleaners, find a life that works for you. It doesn’t need to be like this. Do you have family you can stay
with til you find your feet?

Yeah, OP I do think your previous posting history is relevant here. I am not one to usually advance search a poster, but in this instance this current post and all of your previous ones show a pattern.

Do you really even want to be there? Don't think about what it is your DH wants, do YOU want to doing all this travelling?

@Hunnybunny235

firstly if you want to adjust quickly to the time zone you really to try your hardest not to sleep during the day.

sscondly, i think you are very unreasonable.
you have to agree with your husband the idea of the trip that is how many hours is he working, which activities is he participating in, which activities you do while he works, etc.

he is on “holiday” too albeit while he works. How can you begrudge him to explore? You also say he is treating you all. If you are that worried, you stay aaake while the kids nap. So we ee back to adjusting to the time zone quickly.

you are a mother and you said your children are your greatest priority. Then you REALLY need to model to them independance ans resilience. Start doing that by not putting pressure on your husband to work work where he doesnt want to. But do agree how long.

and really you are so lucky if you take it. This an amazing experience. Glass half full and all that.

i have travelled the world with my backpack and i have been shit scared a few times with noises and animals, but i grew stronger and more reailient. Would i do it again now at 48? No.
do I wish my kids have that experience. Abig fat yes you bet.

I cannot comment about Thailand as I have never been but suffice it to say, I wouldn't wish to stay anywhere less than 4 star.

However, I wonder if your concerns are disproportionate as you state the UK is riddled with knife crime. It isn't. It is rife in very specific places, jist as it is in Spain and France actually, not throughout the country. I spent 35 years living in South London, working for 10 alongside young people from some of the most deprived areas. They all knew someone affected by knife crime. It wasn't a factor in mine or my children's lives though.

I'd venture you'd be happier settling in a stable area and putting down some roots, rather than glamorising the concept of a digital nomad. If your DH is such an exceptional businessman get him to buy you and the dc a nice house somewhere that isn't riddled by knife crime.

well excuse you jeez...

There are scorpions and snakes in Spain but you survived there. You need to stop sleeping in the day and go out,

It is nice for him to go and travel and do and see what he likes. As OP is there to do all the menial life stuff with what sounds like, solo care of the children. And she had to go along with it really, to save her marriage.

You don't have to though OP.

Speaking about ‘natives’ is quite racist OP.

YABU. And should win a prize for Most Hyperbolic Thread Title of the Week.

From your husband's comment, and the bit of backstory I read above, it seems dh is very unhappy at the moment. You seem pretty unhappy too but are trying to cover it up in this thread because people have been harsh.
This month, you need to make an environment where dh can work in a café/office alone and you are in a place where you can routinely get up in the morning and have a nice easy day out with the toddlers. That's the only way you can prevent arguments. You're already on top of each other all evening in an air BnB. Most couples wouldn't get on for a whole month couped up on holiday.
Do think about what you really want for your future. To move abroad with someone without a job is to entirely put your life and happiness into their hands. Think carefully.

Yikes. By my count this is the the 7th thread you've started under this username in the last month about how awful (sometimes bordering on abusive) your DH is, your poor mental and his health, how he told you he wanted a divorce last month before you ever left on this trip, and how much you dislike your life and are unhappy in your marriage. [Though there are some details wiggling around, like you having "2 under 2" just last week]

I had initially thought the PP comment about your marriage not being strong enough for this sort of trip to be way out of line, but honestly that was probably spot on. This sort of travel will come with tough moments for healthy marriages and healthy, confident people and in an unhappy marriage it's going to be full of insecurity, isolation and conflict.

Perhaps it's time to return to your home country and work on creating more security for yourself and your DC?

Why even bring such young children on such a long adventure if you worry about things like this?

Think you need to get a grip.

By now hasn't your body clock adjusted? What you said is odd I'm sorry it is.. growing up we travelled to Australia many times to see family and your body clock is out for a day or two at most but the actual thing to do by now is to stop sleeping the day .. you've gone traveling but you spend your days asleep in an air bnb while he also works.. what have you gone for then ? These stories are getting more and more made up