Husband leaving me and kids alone in foreign country

[Hunnybunny235]

Okay this is going to be an unusual one. My husband and I are travelling around Thailand for the month with our kids 3 and 1. As we just arrived a few days ago our body clocks are out of whack and the kids and I sleep during the day. As husband is a digital nomad he needs to work whenever he can. Well we just got into an argument. I feel like his being selfish and he says I treat him horrible because I asked if while we sleep he can work from home as he wants to work in a fun Thai cafe or something. I feel like I’m stopping a child from having fun and his definitely throwing his toys out the pram saying his just always meant to suffer. I encourage for him to work away but only while we’re awake. We don’t have a hotel it’s an AirBnB in the middle of the jungle literally. You hear about snakes coming into houses (the neighbours said they have had this problem), scorpions, and not to mention I don’t know the natives or the language. If something happens while I’m asleep with the kids we’re doomed and there’s no one to protect us. I feel like his only thinking about himself and even though I am very appreciative of his hard work and treating us to this trip, I don’t feel like im being unreasonable or “treating him bad” I’m a mother and my kids are my greatest priority. If I’m awake I can protect them if something or someone enters the house. When I’m sleeping I’m useless and would feel comfortable with someone else there. When I wake up he can work in Bali for all I care. What part of that is unreasonable?

Did you do any planning and preparation (vaccinations, travel insurance, research the area) or just hop on a plane and go?

Are you literally in the middle of the jungle or in a rural area close to civilisation? I don't understand why you would choose to stay somewhere like that if your DH is going out to work each day? What do you get out of it? And if he's only got to do a little bit of work to keep his business ticking over, then surely he can do that in the house where you're staying. Did you not discuss where you would stay and where he would work before you went?

There seems to be more to this story. If me and DH had do e such a thing with small DC, even on a whim, it would have been arranged around the needs of the children and me first.

Do think about what you really want for your future. To move abroad with someone without a job is to entirely put your life and happiness into their hands. Think carefully.

I totally agree.

@Hunnybunny235 - you started this thread without reference to what is clearly a huge backstory. This is about way more than your digital nomad husband leaving you and two tiny children amongst snakes and scorpions in a jungle in Thailand.

You really need to focus on how you are going to safeguard your future. Don't allow your selfish and neglectful husband to move your family to a foreign land, where you may be alone and without rights. You'd risk ending up stuck there, unable to move back home unless he gives permission for you to take your children.

NB: The UK isn't riddled with knife crime. Your idea of the US being safer is ludicrous. School drills about gun attacks are a real thing there.

@AnnoyingHabits

Digital nomad means you are able to work from anywhere eg I take my laptop with me and work my hours anywhere (I'm only 20 hours a week thankfully) I've sat editing websites on my bed in all kinds of locations.

Sorry, the phrase still makes me cringe!

I'd be annoyed at being left to manage the kids alone in a strange place anywhere, even without those circumstances and worries.

I think booking a place an hour away from a cafe was odd, knowing he would go all that way to Thailand and just work. That would be like me going from our home town into London to work, time and travel-wise.

And if anything should go wrong you're left to deal with everything.

I assume it's the nearest internet, so again it's an odd arrangement.

Any chance of moving nearer the facilities he needs and away from the less 'rural' elements you're worried about? He gets his cafe, you're nearer (I can't think of a better way to put this) civilisation and help if needed and further from the wildlife.

This doesn't sound much like a holiday.

OP, I have just skim-read your other posts. Your relationship is clearly in a bad way. Both of you in poor mental health. Your husband kicks a chair in anger in front of your daughter because you asked him to find a dummy. He said you were ‘just like every other trash girl out there.’

I think you need to consider your options. Your children are at greater risk from unhappy parents and an aggressive dad, than a bite from a snake or scorpion.

Google translate, love.

Well id assume the OP has I nternet in the house seeing as she's posting on here lol

so you worry about the UK knife crime but were considering the US with their guns??

Tbh everywhere I've been in Thailand the internet is good. 11th time here now

Your view is the UK is riddled with knife crime I'm assuming you haven't been to many parts of the UK then since theres a lot more crime in other countries lol. Anyhow Thailand is beautiful spent 6 months there with our 3 toddlers and 2 teens came back before last Xmas.. and loved every minute did half in the country half in the city and enjoyed every second. The first 48 hours were tiring but after that back to normal. I couldn't imagine for one second going on a trip and expecting my hubby to stay in. Sorry I'm an independent,happy mum and wife and can happily figure whatever comes along if it did. Not sure but a lot of your thoughts come across unbalanced as do other posts you've made, expectations, thinking the worst etc etc. Letting visas run out, randomly going to a country

One adult should be able to cope with two kids for a few hours surely?

Did your DH tell you there was nowhere available to stay closer to civilisation or did you check too? A 10 second search on Booking.com using Phuket, putting in the whole month of February shows that absolutely not to be the case?

Where did you live when you lived in Spain for 3 months? Were you able to move about feely during the day with the kids whilst he worked?

You say your DH has been away a lot. Has he been to Thailand before?

How is your DH traveling to the cafe? Does he want you and the kids to travel with him and spend the day nearby but you won't be ause if the jetlag and sleeping? Kids could sleep in a pushchair or on the beach.

Thailand can be a culture shock to anyone who hasn't travelled in SE Asia or similar countries before. Throw in two tired children, the heat, threat of bugs, snakes a foreign language and different food, it can be hell for a mother who's husband needs to work during the day. So, now you are there and trying to make the best of it and enjoy the experience. As others have recommended:

• everyone get into the timezone today - children adapt quicker than adults so make a big effort to keep a routine you have at home, in a new timezone
• encourage the children to play with other children, there is no language barrier for them and Thailand can be one of the most child loving nations in the world IME
• Why not go to the internet cafe with your husband? You will meet people and can look online at places to visit and plan the trip. If its nap time for your 1yo, you can take it in turns with your DH to entertain the 3yo.
• Plan trips with your DC, there are so many tourist desks to book excursions so look into the child friendly ones and you might also meet like minded parents who are travelling in Thailand! Or people who have emigrated and run businesses out there

I hope you do get 'into the groove' of the trip soon but I am sure you will once the jet lag (which should have been easier after 2 days in Bangkok) has gone.

Bit backdoor braggy this one.

If you feel you need someone to be on guard while you sleep then you shouldn't stay there. It doesn't really matter whether the feeling is justified. You feel how you feel. Find somewhere more suitable either within Thailand or elsewhere. The current plan isn't working.

This is such a waste of a beautiful holiday. Get the kids up. Power through. Go to bed early and at least try to enjoy your days there. If you sleep all day what do you then do all night? I don't blame your DH for wanting to experience at least some of Thailand during the day or what is the point in even going?

Yep, life happens.

You are safely in your Air BnB. If you don't feel it's safe for your children you shouldn't be there. Even in Thailand I'm sure the odds of a large snake coming for tea are relatively low and not worth worrying about for an afternoon.

I love my husband as much as we get on each others nerves lol we also have 2 young kids and are extremely tired. He still is and always will be the most interesting person I know.

Funny because I've just looked at your multiple other threads from the last few weeks...

Surprise surprise now he wants to suddenly divorce after one argument and leave me completely blindsided.

So fast forward to last night he kicked a chair in front of our daughter out of anger because I asked him to help search for our toddler’s dummy.

I was horrified he was so nasty to me

But while I was on the phone to her he called me a weirdo and said I was just like every other trash girl out there. Send help! Men are evil sent by Satan

Doesn't sound great tbh and I think him working from a cafe is the least of your concerns. Why on earth you have travelled to the middle of nowhere in Thailand with him I do not know.

Anyhow, I don't think @Hunnybunny235 is coming back to this thread.

I didn't realise we referred to the 'natives' in 2025. 🤔

I didn't feel the poster was being rude. You do sound rather out of sorts and melodramatic.

Ive lived in thiland for almost 17 year not once have i been attacked with a scorpion.

Yes ok but that doesn't explain the thinking behind a month long trip to Thailand really, is it a holiday? Why's he working for example? And what were your plans?