Husband leaving me and kids alone in foreign country

[Hunnybunny235]

Okay this is going to be an unusual one. My husband and I are travelling around Thailand for the month with our kids 3 and 1. As we just arrived a few days ago our body clocks are out of whack and the kids and I sleep during the day. As husband is a digital nomad he needs to work whenever he can. Well we just got into an argument. I feel like his being selfish and he says I treat him horrible because I asked if while we sleep he can work from home as he wants to work in a fun Thai cafe or something. I feel like I’m stopping a child from having fun and his definitely throwing his toys out the pram saying his just always meant to suffer. I encourage for him to work away but only while we’re awake. We don’t have a hotel it’s an AirBnB in the middle of the jungle literally. You hear about snakes coming into houses (the neighbours said they have had this problem), scorpions, and not to mention I don’t know the natives or the language. If something happens while I’m asleep with the kids we’re doomed and there’s no one to protect us. I feel like his only thinking about himself and even though I am very appreciative of his hard work and treating us to this trip, I don’t feel like im being unreasonable or “treating him bad” I’m a mother and my kids are my greatest priority. If I’m awake I can protect them if something or someone enters the house. When I’m sleeping I’m useless and would feel comfortable with someone else there. When I wake up he can work in Bali for all I care. What part of that is unreasonable?

Yes, but, respectfully, you don’t seem temperamentally well suited to travelling in Asia with young children if you’re pitching a fit about being left alone and ‘unprotected’ in an Airbnb during daytime, are afraid to drive, and are stressing about not knowing the language or the locals.

Maybe you’d be less stressed in a suburban semi in Milton Keynes?

They’re not on holiday. The idea is to be nomadic - because his job doesn’t require him to be in one place they’ve decided to not have a home for now and just go live in different countries for however long they can under tourist visas then move on. While they’re there they live the same way they would anywhere as a single-earner family with him working and her a SAHM. They enjoy & explore the area when he’s not working. Then in a month or three they pick up and move and have a new area to do this in where there’s a whole new set of walks to take and cafes to visit and parks to play at.

That’s the concept, and it’s fine. But OP’s posting history shows that this relationship is awful and going and being in an awful relationship in Thailand is not going to fix that.

Bless you, I get where you’re coming from. We’ve done Thailand several times and like you always stay remote in the middle of the jungle, however unlike you it’s just me and my DH as we are retired.
I understand because on our first trip I felt really vulnerable if DH left me alone, but I can honestly say no snakes, no lizards or scorpions ever walked in, all we got was the tiny lizards which are totally harmless and quite cute.
I hope you have the most wonderful holiday, and once you have all gotten over the jet lag that you can settle and enjoy everything that Thailand has to offer, DH included. The people are also lovely and very respectful.
Use mosquito repellent day and night, there are different types of mosquitoes and the daytime ones can cause dengue fever so it’s important to protect your little ones too. However even though I’ve been bitten numerous times and have always been absolutely fine aside from the itching!
On a final note try not to take any notice of the nasties on here, the majority of them might never have set foot in a tropical country but use any excuse to spew their vitriol, simply because they enjoy being vile.

From what has been said about your other posts, it does sound as if your husband 's resentment and your anxiety is not just about this situation.

Can you try and use this trip to strengthen your resilience and independence so that you know you can return to the UK more able to do what YOU want, and feel less dependent on your husband?

The surroundings might feel less threatening once you are not awake at night. If you want to consider alternative cheap accommodations, booking.com is your friend. Get familiar with Grab, Google Translate.... look up health info.

I traveled in Thailand pre-internet and found people generally more helpful than in the UK, even when I had to draw a diagram on a piece of paper to show (less than clearly) where I wanted to go 😅

“We’re doomed and there’s no one to protect us”! Come on Op. You can do better than that. You sound a bit like a drama llama to me.
A lot of Thais speak fabulous English. Much better than we speak Thai. You WILL be able to communicate. But you are in Thailand after all where the mother tongue isn’t English. You can’t assume that people will speak your language.
Start enjoying the wonderful country with its beautiful scenery and wonderful food and stop bloody moaning

YABU. He is working. I don't blame him for wanting to work somewhere stimulating not in a rented house full of sleeping people where he has to keep quiet all the time.

in the unlikely event a snake or scorpion sneaks in - what's he going to do? Is he an experienced snake wrangler with a supply of antidotes to scorpion poison? Or a black belt in a martial art who can fight off intruders with his ninja moves?

I've been all over Thailand and IME, apart from a few areas it's a very safe country. The fact that the culture and language are less familiar than continental Europe makes it unfamiliar and maybe a little bit scary but not dangerous. it's not as if Spain is a crime free zone! I think you are unfairly taking about your concerns about unfamiliarity out on him.

It's borderline racist and othering to call the local residents 'natives'. They are locals and your current neighbours not stereotypical caricatures from a Carry On movie.

This is all a storm in a teacup. In a weeks time your jet lag will have faded and body clocks will have adjusted and you will be sleeping normal hours. You will have found your way around and I'm sure will be starting to recognise some familiar faces. You will probably look back on this and laugh.

I hope you end up loving Thailand - maybe even extend your stay.

This is good advice. Pictures and a translation app are your allies here. plus having children. In Thailand, as in so many countries, children are very welcome and people will go out of their way to be friendly and helpful.

After going Spain for a quarter of the year we both decided we want to stay there but as we r no longer in the EU have to leave after 90 days.

If you are admitted to the EU on a tourist basis you aren't allowed to work. Not a single day, let alone 90. It's unlikely that anyone would dob you in when they find out that DH is actually working all day, but it might happen if you annoy the wrong people.

However, Spain has a digital nomad visa that allows for family reunification, which makes it possible to live there and work remotely.

With respect, if your kids are your greatest priority maybe a snake infested jungle where their lives are at risk if there's no big strong man around to stand over and protect them while they sleep wasn't a great choice of holiday destination?

It sounds like you just need to adapt to the time difference like you would normally on a holiday and start getting on with life. It should take a day or two at most to acclimatise even if it’s painful for a few days

If you sleep during the day, what do you do at night with 2 very young kids in tow?

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Borderline racist…? don’t be ridiculous, just another way for you having a pop at OP when all she’s asking for is a bit of support with two very young children in a foreign country. She’s human, she feels vulnerable, where’s your compassion. I am native to UK, so I am a native, sort yourself out and get it right!
Falsely accusing OP of racism , even borderline is wrong and isn’t helpful, and people like you need to just shut up!

This all sounds mad.

Peter pan type husband who wants to work in a trendy cafe an hour away from family, just because.

Wife who wants to be watched over all day because they’ve knowingly gone to a jungle with 2 young kids. And wants to escape knife crime and so goes to Thailand or the US!

And lord only knows the position re work visas or tax- don’t even think of “digital nomadding” in the US unless you want the IRS after you for decades…

It all sounds mad… really? You sound mad! FFS just read the post and do your homework before mouthing off and being judgmental.
DH does not require a work visa or any other documentation to work, he is a digital nomad, he takes his work with him, it’s called a laptop, he will not be employed by or seeking work in Thailand, oh and yes he can also do ‘his work’ in the US.
As for knife crime that’s absolute nonsense, I’ve been to Thailand numerous times and I felt safer there than in my own country. They are mostly Buddhist by faith and the kindest people I’ve ever met, the majority wouldn’t hurt a fly, literally.

On a final note try not to take any notice of the nasties on here, the majority of them might never have set foot in a tropical country but use any excuse to spew their vitriol, simply because they enjoy being vile

😂 What?

How can you know where other posters live and may have been?

There is more to this than OP's post of today. If you had read the previous posts, it is pretty obvious that she is not happy generally. If you think pp pointing that out is being vile, you are quite mistaken.

I traveled on my own in Thailand with a baby and it was fine. The locals really loved my baby and were super helpful. You'll be ok. Trust yourself !

This is months ago but I hope OP survived the scary encounters with 'the natives' and was not smothered in her sleep by the scorpios or other creatures she heard so much about on the TV😂