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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC home alone at midnight?

308 replies

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:36

Bit of a WWYD really. DH thinks I’m being OTT, but I’m not sure.

We have two DC (12 and 9). We’ve been invited to a party next weekend, nothing wild, just drinks and a catch-up with friends we haven’t seen in ages. It’s at a house about ten minutes away, and we’d be back by 1am at the latest. DC would be asleep, and we’d obviously make sure they know how to contact us if needed. We have lovely neighbours who’d be in if anything went wrong.

DH says it’s fine, that DSS (12) is responsible, and they’ll just sleep through it anyway. But 9 still seems quite young to be left that late, even if we’re nearby.

Would you do it? Am I being a bit PFB about it, or is DH being too relaxed?

(For context, they’re fine being left for an hour or two in the day, but we’ve never left them this late before.)

TIA!

OP posts:
Narwhalsh · 03/02/2025 19:54

No. And it sounds like you’re talking about leaving them for several hours?

MatriarchalMadness · 03/02/2025 19:56

Definitely not

Janelle84 · 03/02/2025 19:58

Nope

MumblesParty · 03/02/2025 19:59

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:55

Thanks for the reply. You’ve got a point about the smoke alarms, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll look into getting a sitter, or maybe see if one of the grandparents can have them overnight. I just feel a bit torn because they are usually fine being left for shorter periods during the day, but I guess overnight is different. Appreciate the input!

Show quote history

Yes, the difference is definitely the time of day. DS2 is nearly 16 and has been fine being left alone during the day for years. But it’s only been in the last few months that he’s been unphased by me going to pick DS1 up from parties at midnight. Before that, he’d be anxious when I went out late at night , even if it was only for half an hour. Being at home in the middle of the night without an adult can be quite scary.

NoTouch · 03/02/2025 20:03

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:55

Thanks for the reply. You’ve got a point about the smoke alarms, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll look into getting a sitter, or maybe see if one of the grandparents can have them overnight. I just feel a bit torn because they are usually fine being left for shorter periods during the day, but I guess overnight is different. Appreciate the input!

Show quote history

Not hearing the smoke alarms is irrelevant. Even if they heard it and it woke up you expect a 12 year old to make a judgement where the fire is, not panic, get to the 6 year old and work out the best route to get both of them out? I'm an adult and not sure if I could do that without panicking!

Sounds like your dh is the one wanting to do this. Trust your instincts and give him hell for even suggesting it!

Hope you manage to get a sitter and enjoy your party!

Briannaco · 03/02/2025 20:04

I was babysitting toddlers when I was aged 12

TokyoSushi · 03/02/2025 20:07

Gosh no, ours are almost 12 & 14 and my cut off is about 8/8:30pm

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 03/02/2025 20:07

Absolutely not. A 12 year old isn't old enough to take responsibility for a 9 year old or to deal with any emergencies. They're also both too young to be left for that long.

141mum · 03/02/2025 20:08

Are you mad

Annaannaannab · 03/02/2025 20:12

Absolutely not. 9 is far too young to be left alone in my opinion anyway - my youngest is 11 and I have only just left him alone and that was whilst I drove to the local shop a few minutes away , as an absolute must. He will be alone after school for a very short while in September but he will be almost 12 and that will just be for a short while until his older sibling is home.

I think around 12 is an ok age to be left alone in the daytime, before / after school- for when needs must - or in the day if they don’t want to go shopping etc …. But not at night .

Anything could happen - 1am is very late . Not only that but wouldn’t the younger one at least be scared ?

Annaannaannab · 03/02/2025 20:12

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 03/02/2025 20:07

Absolutely not. A 12 year old isn't old enough to take responsibility for a 9 year old or to deal with any emergencies. They're also both too young to be left for that long.

This too - the responsibility falls on the eldest and that’s far too much for a 12 year old

rivalsbinge · 03/02/2025 20:15

We would go to a neighbour house or next door but one but even then we would pop back and maybe aim to home about 11.30 latest.

I'd also only have a few drinks.

schoolsoutforever · 03/02/2025 20:15

Personally I wouldn't at that time of night. An hour or so during the day, yes, prob OK but I wouldn't at that time. I wouldn't judge you if you said you did it but it wouldn't be right for me.

Merrygoround8 · 03/02/2025 20:17

No

Anjo2011 · 03/02/2025 20:24

Personally no I wouldn’t. At a guess you are uneasy with it and your gut feeling is no otherwise you would just go ahead and do it. They are too young to left alone at night imo.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 03/02/2025 20:25

I live in a different country where that would be very normal.

WonderingAboutThus · 03/02/2025 20:26

My kids are out alone during the day, allowed to stay alone during the day, and so on, in what clearly amounts to a minority view here.

And yet I wouldn't do this. Night is disorienting. Something happens, they go outside to get a neighbour, no jacket, lock falls in, key left inside, frozen cold if the neighbour doesn't answer, plus a panic. Stumble of the stairs when they wake up - they don't normally wake, but now they did because you aren't home - because they're half awake. They decide to go watch more TV beyond bedtime because whoohoo no parents, get hungry because such unusual timing, now decide to make themselves a snack, and problem with the microwave. Don't hear the fire alarm. Don't know how to respond. A burglar who sees the car is not home, who doesn't expect to find kids asleep as they are looking for jewellery and gets surprised. And so on.

NotthinglikeaBondGirl · 03/02/2025 20:29

NO, NO AND THRICE MORE NO. I think you will probably got the message now op. Get a babysitter & have a lovely time.

myheadsjustmush · 03/02/2025 20:29

No. Just no.

DottieMoon · 03/02/2025 20:33

No way.

I can’t believe you would even need to ask!

TeamGeriatric · 03/02/2025 20:35

Mine are a similar age, and I wouldn't leave them home alone in the evening for a few hours, never mind until 1am.

RainRainRain123 · 03/02/2025 20:35

No

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 03/02/2025 20:39

Can’t you take them? Maybe leave an hour earlier

Neodymium · 03/02/2025 20:40

During the day, yes, but not at night.

mine are 15, 14 and 11 and we have just left them a couple weeks ago to go for an early dinner together and back by 9pm.

Briannaco · 03/02/2025 20:44

Was no one else babysitting at aged 12?

I was a babysitter by myself at age 12. So was my cousin.

I used to go and be a babysitter for 2 toddlers. Their parents would go out and come back at about 2am