To leave DC home alone at midnight?

[djdran]

Bit of a WWYD really. DH thinks I’m being OTT, but I’m not sure.

We have two DC (12 and 9). We’ve been invited to a party next weekend, nothing wild, just drinks and a catch-up with friends we haven’t seen in ages. It’s at a house about ten minutes away, and we’d be back by 1am at the latest. DC would be asleep, and we’d obviously make sure they know how to contact us if needed. We have lovely neighbours who’d be in if anything went wrong.

DH says it’s fine, that DSS (12) is responsible, and they’ll just sleep through it anyway. But 9 still seems quite young to be left that late, even if we’re nearby.

Would you do it? Am I being a bit PFB about it, or is DH being too relaxed?

(For context, they’re fine being left for an hour or two in the day, but we’ve never left them this late before.)

TIA!

I think my elderly brother was babysitting for me ages 13. I'm seven years younger. He was and is a great and hugely responsible person. Neither him nor I would let our children do likewise. Times have changed. Twelve is too young that late at night even alone. Being responsible for a nine year old just makes it really unfair. Elder not elderly! He's only in his 40s now and it was a while ago!

No. If any emergency arose, it’d be unfair for a 12 year old to be responsible, whatever the outcome.

I would do for an hour in the daytime if they're sensible but not at night they'd be so scared

This

I thought this was going to be leaving them for 10 minutes while you popped out to collect your DH from the pub.
At the moment I wouldn't consider leaving my 8 year old alone while I did that and I can't imagine leaving them alone for the entire evening without an adult there.

No, you should not leave them alone at night, asleep or not! That's totally irresponsible. Find someone responsible to sit in your house until you get home, get them to come early enough so the children meet them and know they will be there. Honestly.

No. Just no

Absolutely not. I won't leave my 14 year old home alone that late at night

Get a grip, of course it's not OK!!!

I wouldn’t and I consider myself quite a relaxed parent

No.. it’s not fair on the 12 yo if there’s a fire or accident - too much responsibility.. plus I think it’s illegal under the age of 14.

I am super relaxed but no way on this one. Just get a sitter it’s not worth the worrying

Kids same age and great neighbours. Absolutely no way. Far too young and they could panic if anything small happened.

You're mad even thinking this

Why not? Unless your 15 is ND why could they not be left alone for a few hours at night?

This is quite a timely thread as we have a 13 & 10 year old and went out for a friend's birthday dinner last night, got home after 11pm.
The boys put themselves to bed, FaceTimed us to say goodnight and are sensible kids.

We don't live in the uk, are in a new house (low risk of fire) in a secure neighborhood so I accept my view is skewed but I don't see what difference it would make waiting a year before doing that.

Certainly I'm sure my kids wouldn't be happy being left if we lived rurally or in the sticks, but at what age do they suddenly morph into responsible teens?

Thinking back on my own teen years I was far more sensible and responsible before I turned 15 and morphed into a drinking, smoking, hormonal selfish ratbag.

Can't believe you've even considered it.

I wouldn't. 9 and 12 - too young imo. I'd be waiting a couple of years before doing this. Maybe when oldest is 14 or 15. You have lots of options aside from leaving the kids at home...

1: take the kids with you
2: get a babysitter
3: take turns at the party and swap out every half an hour or so
4: you go, DH stays at home
5: DH goes, you stay at home
6: neither of you go

No. I'd get a babysitter.

Don't be so tight. Get a babysitter or stay in. Perhaps we did babysit at 12 years old in 1999 but times have changed.

I wouldn’t. My parents left us regularly when I was very young. Although I hid it, I can still remember how terrified I was.

She will be faced with charges of child neglect if anythig goes wrong - a woman has just gone to prison for leaving her children alone for half an hour. They all died in a fire. A twelve year old is much too young to be left responsible for a younger child - and it may not be against the law in fact, but in practice it's considered neglect to leave them alone.

@Strokethefurrywall that was your decision. I think most would disagree though and think 10 is too young to be putting them selves to bed while you are out partying.

Neglect would be judged on a case by case basis, you can't extrapolate from one horrendous instance of 4 pre schoolers being left alone to every other time children are home alone. I'd imagine the number of cases that end up with prison sentences is tiny

I don't know where you live, I was clarifying the position in England as it's a common misconception

Yes, it's a common misconception, I agree. But if there was an accident a child of 12 would not be considered competent, I think. Anyway, I wouldn't leave them alone. When I was the mother of a 12 and 8 year old I would not even leave them in the house after dark when we were in the garden - we had an enormous garden and they could have left the house without our knowledge, had we done so. As for leaving them on their own in the house while we went out - no way.

Some people think it's fine though.

I was babysitting a young baby when I was aged 12. I stayed in the house by myself.

It was fine.

At 12 girls are very responisble

I remember babysitting for a family that had a five year old a six year old and a 2 year old when I was 13.

The 2 year old was in bed when I came so I didn't have to do anything with her. Just keep an eye on her.

It was fine. You're never totally alone. I had their number for emergencies

I asked my cousin there and she told me that she used to babysit for her neighbours when she was 11. She had a phone number for emergencies and other neighbours she could run to