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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC home alone at midnight?

308 replies

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:36

Bit of a WWYD really. DH thinks I’m being OTT, but I’m not sure.

We have two DC (12 and 9). We’ve been invited to a party next weekend, nothing wild, just drinks and a catch-up with friends we haven’t seen in ages. It’s at a house about ten minutes away, and we’d be back by 1am at the latest. DC would be asleep, and we’d obviously make sure they know how to contact us if needed. We have lovely neighbours who’d be in if anything went wrong.

DH says it’s fine, that DSS (12) is responsible, and they’ll just sleep through it anyway. But 9 still seems quite young to be left that late, even if we’re nearby.

Would you do it? Am I being a bit PFB about it, or is DH being too relaxed?

(For context, they’re fine being left for an hour or two in the day, but we’ve never left them this late before.)

TIA!

OP posts:
TickingAlongNicely · 03/02/2025 19:15

I sometimes leave my 13&11yos at 5 30am to drop DH at the train station. I'm gone for about 30mins.

Somehow, 5 30am doesn't feel like night time, despite it being night really...

Winter2020 · 03/02/2025 19:16

CurlewKate · 03/02/2025 18:36

What do people think is going to happen?
I would leave the 12 year old if he was happy with the idea-but the 9 year old gives me pause. But I don't actually know why.

Well if there was a fire - assuming the children don't die - you would find that the fire brigade would be calling the police and social services and your kids would be in foster care while you fought through the courts to get them back.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 03/02/2025 19:16

Nope not a chance

Bestfootforward11 · 03/02/2025 19:20

I’d say no to this. It’s too long and too late. I also don’t like the idea of leaving the kids sleeping because if something happened eg a fire, they might not wake.

yeesh · 03/02/2025 19:20

way too young

CuriouslyMinded · 03/02/2025 19:20

Personally I wouldn't be leaving them alone at night until mid-teens. It just feels like risk for no real reason. But I often think I'm too overprotective of my DD. I am trying to imagine how I would have felt at 12 being left in charge and I think if my 9 year old sibling was in bed asleep but I'd been allowed to stay up with special snacks and a film, and I knew for sure that my mum was going to be home by midnight and I could text her if I needed to, I'd probably have loved the sense of freedom!

Ap42 · 03/02/2025 19:21

My children are the same ages. I've only just started leaving them for 15 mins to walk the dog, or to nip to the shop at the end of the road. My eldest has been left for longer, but not at night, that's a few years ago for me personally. I would get a babysitter.

zeibesaffron · 03/02/2025 19:21

Absolutely not

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 03/02/2025 19:31

You've said DSS and PFB so is the 12yo your stepchild?

If so, be prepared for a whole world of pain from their mum... I would go through the roof if my child was left alone to babysit for free on contact time.

SummerFeverVenice · 03/02/2025 19:32

Hard no. What if there is a house fire? Or gas leak? You can’t just leave kids sleeping alone.

Staggeredatthisadmission · 03/02/2025 19:33

Absolutely not under any circumstances!

SoozyWoozy5 · 03/02/2025 19:33

Definitely not!

CluelessAsFuck · 03/02/2025 19:33

No

AlecTrevelyan006 · 03/02/2025 19:35

It's a no from me.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/02/2025 19:37

Absolutely not. Far too young! No where near even on the cusp of this being ok.

If the eldest was 15 and the younger one 12 or thereabouts, fine, but that’s about the youngest I’d have wanted my eldest to be before leaving them that late.

My eldest is 16 now and she’s only been looking after my youngest in the evening for about a year. I still haven’t been out and left them past about 11 yet I don’t think (not that it would be unsafe with a 16 yo but I don’t need to be out that late for any reason, I don’t work shifts or anything).

HappyMamma2023 · 03/02/2025 19:38

No way

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/02/2025 19:39

SummerFeverVenice · 03/02/2025 19:32

Hard no. What if there is a house fire? Or gas leak? You can’t just leave kids sleeping alone.

Exactly so even if my teen is babysitting I would come back by the time she goes to bed on a weekend.

PurpleThistle7 · 03/02/2025 19:40

DreamW3aver · 03/02/2025 17:50

Out of interest what are the risks that you are worried about?

I'm assuming the OP wouldn't be asking if her children regularly wake up during the night and aren't sick or fire staters. . Which risks are higher because there isn't an adult in the house for a few hours?

I'm not saying do it I'm wondering what the actual concerns are

My kids are 12 and 8 and I'd worry about a house fire or similar. I actually would consider leaving them home and awake but asleep feels super risky to me. We are just now considering going out for lunch and leaving them home but I want my daughter to take a first aid course first for choking etc.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/02/2025 19:41

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:55

Thanks for the reply. You’ve got a point about the smoke alarms, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll look into getting a sitter, or maybe see if one of the grandparents can have them overnight. I just feel a bit torn because they are usually fine being left for shorter periods during the day, but I guess overnight is different. Appreciate the input!

Show quote history

If you know of sitters in your area or have grandparents you could ask, why would you even contemplate it?

Even in advising you not to do it, I assumed you were posting because there were no other options.

Is your husband quite all there?

Crumpies · 03/02/2025 19:42

No. I’m relaxed but would have waited until 12 and 14 before I left until that time

stillnotdark · 03/02/2025 19:43

No

clarehhh · 03/02/2025 19:46

No not safe too young. Also 12 year old can't be expected to look after 9 year old. What if you are burgled, one is ill, a fire? Absolutely irresponsible. If you do and they mention it in school expect social services to become involved.

TopshopCropTop · 03/02/2025 19:47

Absolutely not a chance in hell

dottydodah · 03/02/2025 19:48

maybe you could ask the nice neighbours to babysit? just leave food pizza or some wine/nibbles.Otherwise I think too young really

iliketobereasonable · 03/02/2025 19:51

Absolutely not. Mine are 14 and 11 (11 is still in primary) and just about to start leaving them alone for an hour together in daytime. The 14 was left on own for an hour or so at same age.