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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC home alone at midnight?

308 replies

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:36

Bit of a WWYD really. DH thinks I’m being OTT, but I’m not sure.

We have two DC (12 and 9). We’ve been invited to a party next weekend, nothing wild, just drinks and a catch-up with friends we haven’t seen in ages. It’s at a house about ten minutes away, and we’d be back by 1am at the latest. DC would be asleep, and we’d obviously make sure they know how to contact us if needed. We have lovely neighbours who’d be in if anything went wrong.

DH says it’s fine, that DSS (12) is responsible, and they’ll just sleep through it anyway. But 9 still seems quite young to be left that late, even if we’re nearby.

Would you do it? Am I being a bit PFB about it, or is DH being too relaxed?

(For context, they’re fine being left for an hour or two in the day, but we’ve never left them this late before.)

TIA!

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 03/02/2025 18:10

My oldest is nearly 10 and I wouldn't leave him at night at all. Glad you are getting a sitter.

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 03/02/2025 18:10

No, absolutely not.

Imagine the trauma and guilt your eldest would have to live with if something happened whilst he was responsible for your youngest.

Anything could happen. In two years, maybe, depending on personalities.
Now is way too young.

Moonnstars · 03/02/2025 18:11

No. Mine would probably wind each other up and upset each other as well, plus eat all the sweets and treats 😂

AllHopeandRainbows · 03/02/2025 18:11

Nope.

UrsulasHerbBag · 03/02/2025 18:11

Also no. Way too young.

ilovepixie · 03/02/2025 18:12

No. My mum used to leave us at night. I was 12 my sister 8 and I was terrified. I hated it. It didn't happen often but I always dreaded it.

Anothercoffeeafter3 · 03/02/2025 18:12

12 year old possibly okay. I wouldn't be worried about our DS sleeping through a fire alarm at that age as he would spend the night gaming until we got home!! I used to be left until 10/11pm at that age. DS will be getting the bus 10miles away on his own at 11 nearly 12 so at home seems safer. I don't feel it is anymore dangerous leaving them at night vs during the day. It was during the day we got broken into plus he has every light on so the house looks like we are having a party!!

The 9 year old really needs someone 16 plus to make sure he goes to bed etc.

Oldglasses · 03/02/2025 18:12

No way! DCs were nearly 14 and just 12 when we first left them. We were not late back (although we were about 20 mins drive away). You'll know when the right time is as it will be when it's 'weird' to have a babysitter - DD (eldest) went from having a babysitter to being a babysitter in a quite short space of time.

ButterCrackers · 03/02/2025 18:13

Get a baby sitter.

BruceLikesCake · 03/02/2025 18:13

No, they’re too young.

NewHeaven · 03/02/2025 18:14

Ask your dh if he'd considered what would happen to your kids if:
a) you were involved in an RTA on the way home (killed or injured)
b) burglary because thieves watching your house thought you were all out

These scenarios might sound far fetched but they do happen.

McP13 · 03/02/2025 18:14

I have a very mature 10 year old but I would not leave her at night like this.. I also have a 13 year old and we went for dinner about 10 minutes away and I kept making sure he was ok.. and he’s very independent.

Ponderingwindow · 03/02/2025 18:15

Nope. Too young and too late.

they aren’t old enough to go to sleep worried that you might not make it home.

you can’t guarantee you will make it. I’ve been the teen babysitter and my parents didn’t show up because my mother was rushed to the hospital. This was before cell phones, but still, it was extremely traumatic and I was much older.

cheddercherry · 03/02/2025 18:16

No, for a few reasons such as even if you’re 12 year old is fine being left in the day I still think it’s young for them to be alone at night and would possibly be freaked out/ scared more easily home alone. Secondly, totally unfair to put the responsibly of your 9 year onto old them in that circumstance, whether they were asleep or not. (Plus surely your 9 year old would act up for them the second the know mum and dad are out for the night). For the 9 year old I know it would definitely be something my parent friends would probably judge if I’d told them, I think if I had a friend do it I’d raise an eyebrow at that age.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/02/2025 18:16

Would you be happy with their teachers knowing you were going to leave them alone in the house till 1am? If you'd be embarrassed or feel awkward at anyone knowing you have your answer.

(I work in a school, this would raise eyebrows and there would be questions).

HousesofHolbein · 03/02/2025 18:18

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:55

Thanks for the reply. You’ve got a point about the smoke alarms, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll look into getting a sitter, or maybe see if one of the grandparents can have them overnight. I just feel a bit torn because they are usually fine being left for shorter periods during the day, but I guess overnight is different. Appreciate the input!

Show quote history

It's definitely different at night.

Imagine the littler one wakes up and vomits on the floor/there's a power cut that causes everything to trip and alarm/there's a fire and they're panicky etc etc.

I always consider how I would feel justifying myself if things go wrong and I can only imagine the guilt and discomfort of having to come home to a neighbour who has been got out of bed to clean up and comfort in my absence and know I wouldn't want to risk it.

Pickled21 · 03/02/2025 18:18

No. As a parent I just accept that there are some things I can't do until mine are older One of you could go and stay a few hours and then the other but I wouldn't leave them, no. Why not arrange a babysitter or ask a family member or friend if they could stay over?

Iwishiwasapolarbear · 03/02/2025 18:18

Pippa12 · 03/02/2025 17:39

My children are exactly these ages. Personally, I feel my 12 year old can only be responsible for herself. She stays alone maximum 2-3 hours in the daytime. I would not leave my 9 year old for all the tea in China, day or night. Your 12 year old shouldn’t be responsible for a minor at anytime.

I agree. Mine are also the same ages

HousesofHolbein · 03/02/2025 18:19

FWIW I'm not sure I'd be looking for a babysitter in that situation as at 12 it gets a bit awkward.

I'd probably look for friends to have them for a sleepover or something with a reciprocal favour for those parents in the near future.

RareMaker · 03/02/2025 18:20

No

BogRollBOGOF · 03/02/2025 18:20

Mine are 14 & 11(y7). At the recent Christmas party, we got a babysitter in. This year at 15 & 12, we probably won't (we're not heavy drinkers and will be back before midnight and their current baby sitter is likely to be off to uni).

In the past year they've been left for a few hours at a time early evening (gym) but not yet past 9pm.

My boundary is times that they are reasonably awake. Neither reacts well to beeping alarm clocks, and I wouldn't like both asleep if they're not likely to be responsive to the smoke alarm.

The fire service did research following a major fire that had tragic consequences when a large family of children died in their beds having not reacted to the fire alarm. Children don't tend to rouse well to high pitched alarms (boys more so than girls). They're more attuned to responding to voices.

Is the house likely to spontanously combust in our absence? No, that would be incredibly unlikely. But the difference in outcome if it did randomly happen between waking hours and being asleep is potentially quite significant and much more favourable for them being awake.

ChristmasCwtch · 03/02/2025 18:22

Absolutely not. Get a babysitter or don’t go.

treesocks23 · 03/02/2025 18:23

Definitely wouldn’t personally. Far too young IMO.

Tiswa · 03/02/2025 18:23

What time were you leaving once asleep?

Evilspiritgin · 03/02/2025 18:24

Is the 12 yr old your son or ss? If the latter mum might not be happy that ds is being left alone