To leave DC home alone at midnight?

[djdran]

Bit of a WWYD really. DH thinks I’m being OTT, but I’m not sure.

We have two DC (12 and 9). We’ve been invited to a party next weekend, nothing wild, just drinks and a catch-up with friends we haven’t seen in ages. It’s at a house about ten minutes away, and we’d be back by 1am at the latest. DC would be asleep, and we’d obviously make sure they know how to contact us if needed. We have lovely neighbours who’d be in if anything went wrong.

DH says it’s fine, that DSS (12) is responsible, and they’ll just sleep through it anyway. But 9 still seems quite young to be left that late, even if we’re nearby.

Would you do it? Am I being a bit PFB about it, or is DH being too relaxed?

(For context, they’re fine being left for an hour or two in the day, but we’ve never left them this late before.)

TIA!

Chances are they would be totally fine and sleep through it all @djdran

But, what if they don’t? What if they wake up scared/there’s an intruder/there’s a fire/they hurt themselves/fight/go looking for you? What’s the issue with getting a babysitter?

I wouldn’t. A few years ago my husband bought tickets to see my favourite comedian. Unfortunately he didn’t manage to get the venue that’s 15/20 mins max away, he got one that was 40-50 mins away. My eldest (14 at the time) said he was happy to babysit his younger brothers (12 & 8 - both 2 months off their next birthdays) and the younger 2 were happy to stay at home with big brother. My sister leant me her wifi camera that she uses to watch her cats when she’s not home, so I set that up in the living room. My sister and a friend who lives over the road both said they’d be available if the boys needed someone, and they all know our immediate few neighbours well, with all 3 boys being best friends in fact with the 3 sons of a neighbours house at the top of our driveway. So I uneasily agreed that this would be ok (we were due back at 11pm).

Honestly, the whole night I was really nervous. My youngest ended up not going to sleep upset because he wanted me home, my eldest basically couldn’t be arsed with anything and middle son took the opportunity and to play up. My friend went over and sat with them til 9pm ish then my sister went round til we got home.

It pretty much ruined the night out and I wish we had just tried to find someone to babysit - but my eldest was so adamant he could/would do it and I was babysitting at his age, we thought it would be ok.

You won’t be able to enjoy yourself OP - either don’t go, or get a babysitter.

Heck no!

Out of interest what are the risks that you are worried about?

I'm assuming the OP wouldn't be asking if her children regularly wake up during the night and aren't sick or fire staters. . Which risks are higher because there isn't an adult in the house for a few hours?

I'm not saying do it I'm wondering what the actual concerns are

How would the early evening work - would the 12 year old have to put themselves and their brother to bed?

ot is too much your DH needs a wake up call if he thinks he is being OTT they are far too young for this

a house behind us had a car catch fire yesterday these events happen and they are not old enough

find a babysitter

I wouldn't do it at that time of night. Perhaps during the day or earlier in the evening, but definitely not at 1am. You don't even know they'd be asleep, they might be anxious when left alone. They'd probably stay up (mine would). They might argue - a 9 year old won't necessarily listen to a 12 year old. You might as well take turns to go and have peace of mind.

Absolutely not - sorry, OP. I don't have a twelve year old, but I definitely would have hated being left without adults in the house at night at that age, and I don't think it's fair leaving him with responsibility for the 9 year old either.

Not sure why people are having a go at you for asking given that you're obviously trying to break a deadlock between you and your husband. But no.

Honestly, it's kind of difficult- it depends on so many things- actual age of oldest is one, but also, age gap (14&12 is different to 14&7), how well they get on, how sensible they both are, if you know your neighbours and how close their house is, how far you're going, what time you're back etc etc. Agree with pp that I only go out while I know they'll be up so we get back by 11 and tend to stay fairly local.

@CindereIIa out of interest, why wouldn't you want him to go to sleep before you got home?

In my case, one of the 14 year olds went to bed at a normal time (or so they tell me, and they were asleep when I got home) and one came out to meet me at my event at 11pm and helped clear up! Small village, so I have no problem with him walking 10 mins down the road in the dark to meet me.

I really can't think of a time when I'd want the 14 year olds to wait up for me.

I wouldn't and it's illegal anyway. 12 is too young to babysit a younger brother or sister.
Why can't you get a babysitter?

My kids are the same age. Absolutely no way in hell would I even consider this. Definitely not!

Nope. Not a chance.

Well, the risk of a fire could be the same.. (unless like you say one of them tried to use a grill or hob or something.. not out of the question at all. My well behaved and sensible DB used to set fire to things and drop them on the worktop when my parents went out!!)

Don’t you see they have nobody to protect them if a fire does break out?! Or if someone does happen to break in just when the parents aren’t there. So it’s not necessarily risks are higher, but leaving young kids alone in case that situation did arise. I certainly wouldn’t be happy to allow my 11yo to be in a position of responsibility if there was some kind of emergency.

Thanks for the reply. You’ve got a point about the smoke alarms, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll look into getting a sitter, or maybe see if one of the grandparents can have them overnight. I just feel a bit torn because they are usually fine being left for shorter periods during the day, but I guess overnight is different. Appreciate the input!

No!

It’s unfair to leave a 12 year old in charge of anyone else. Regardless of how the 9 year old behaves. My guess would be that you’d be done for neglect if something went wrong.

No we haven't but know lots of people who have. Mine are 14 and 11 now and we've just started leaving them for 1.5 hours 5-6.30pm when we pop out for a quick drink, which they and us are comfortable with.

Concerns must be obvious.
Younger child plays up and leaves the house.
Fire.
Intruder.

Just get a sitter.

No

For me it would be fire if they're asleep- mine are both totally drilled in what to do if they catch the kitchen on fire while making lunch so I don't worry too much about them being on their own in the day, but if they were asleep I'd worry about them not making it out if there was an electrical fire.

They'll stay up and watch TV/game together so long as we're back by 11, and we dont go out that much so the odd late night doesnt hurt.

NO! Definitely not! Too many 'what if's' and to be honest I am surprised you even have to ask OP!

No I wouldn’t leave them at that age in the middle of the night. But I think your children are old enough that they don’t need “babysitting” as such - there just needs to be an older, more responsible person in the house in case of emergencies. I used to “babysit” for my younger cousins (I would have been 14 or 15, my cousins probably 12 and 10) and my aunt and uncle would bung me £30 to say thanks. Is there a relative or family friend or neighbour like that you could ask?

No, and I'm fairly relaxed compared to many on here.

15 and 12, yes, if they can be relied on to cooperate.
Not much younger than that though for back after midnight.

14 and 11 if sensible the fine, this is just too young.