DH constantly making lewd graphic comments

[CucumberSandcastle]

All the bloody time! If we are chatting about something ordinary or I ask him about what he wants to do tomorrow etc he will make an extremely lewd comment about what he wants to do to me - like I cannot wait to plough your you know what or lewd comments about sexualised stuff he wants to do to me etc. Not even remotely related to anything we are talking about- basically says the most shocking/highly graphic things he can think of with a guffaw. He has a habit for saying outlandish stuff so often that coming from anyone else would be highly shocking but as he says it all the time it’s become normal if that makes sense?

Its a huge bloody turn off 👎

He says in while laughing in an almost playful way but it’s constant!

(TMI I know but he says oh I just want to destroy your an$! or I want to plough your sloppy m!nge 🤮) It’s gross I know. I try to ignore him or just say WTF to him.

He’s a “zany” off the wall type of character and his weirdness initially attracted me to him but this is just too much.

He was close to being diagnosed with bipolar disorder (he didn’t attend his follow ups) and I’ve heard about hyper sexuality and it being one of the symptoms?

Also, it really annoys me when people suggest these behaviours are due to illness, MH or ND. Because in my experience, people who are genuinely ill, or have genuine MH conditions or ND, don't WANT to feel the way they feel or do the things they do. Or they're bemused by why they can't do something when everyone else finds it so easy.

But this is not what's happening here. He is behaving in a way that is not, by any objective measure, "normal" and he's doing so in public as well as in private and he's doing so despite being told it makes his wife uncomfortable (and, presumably, depsite other people saying "whooah, dave, that's a bit much don't you think?" etc). Becuase he doesn't CARE.

my dh is a bit like this, I suspect there’s neurodivergence, he doesn’t have many friends and struggles with adult conversation, everything has to be a joke. It’s annoying op, I am following for tips.

That would drive me mad @CucumberSandcastle he's not saying anything alluring it's all really nasty childish talk, what's worse is he won't stop it for a serious conversation - trying to discuss bills and getting pathetic sexual remarks. He doesn't take you seriously at all

TMI I know but he says oh I just want to destroy your an$! or I want to plough your sloppy m!nge 🤮) It’s gross I know. I try to ignore him or just say WTF to him.

This is genuinely repulsive.

I wouldn't be able to tolerate a relationship with someone who spoke to me like this, irrespective of the cause (and I'm not convinced that the cause isn't just him being a turd).

My ex was (is) like this. He obviously had undiagnosed ASD so I played down a lot of his inappropriate remarks, but they just got worse over the years. When I started pulling him up on it or simply stopped engaging/being affectionate at all he snapped at me for ‘not being able to take a joke’. Then upped it to touching me inappropriately at any given moment. I ended up wearing oversized clothing so he wouldn’t grope at my breasts or just openly stare. Put on a huge amount of weight just to be left alone, which I lost after we split and led to more uncomfortable comments when handing the children over about how good I was looking - not enough to be lewd but still inappropriate. I few weeks ago we went on a family day out (has to come with as children have high needs), and took a wrong turn. He joked about me ‘never liking going up the wrong way’, again said that was inappropriate, again told off for no longer being able to ‘take a joke’.

It was (and at times like that, still is) fucking miserable. It makes you feel like you’ve lost ownership of your own anatomy, and yet somehow you’re the bad guy for not being able to take a ‘compliment’.

I would tell him that both my anus and sloppy minge will be closed until further notice.

He is revolting OP. A little piece of me would die inside every time I heard that and I would be emotionally distancing myself. Totally unacceptable.

There are women who are turned on by that kind of talk (or at least they’ll pretend to be in return payment), but if you aren’t engaging and returning the “compliments” then it needs to stop.

So his libido is low, he’s talking about sex as a substitute for having sex.

He is seemingly very prudish when it comes to porn and won’t even discuss it or hear the word! He’s catholic and is odd, uptight in some ways but crude/graphic in others. Unless he’s got a raging porn habit that I don’t know about but somehow I don’t think so.

Where's he getting phrases like "destroy your anus" from if not porn.

Does he hang out on sites/forums or with particularly "laddy" types?

It sounds like a porn phrase to me.

What form did the sex addiction take?
(If not excessive use of porn).

@CucumberSandcastle I think if you read the reddit thread 'love after porn ' - it's often the most uptight , prudish and religious ones who are the worst when it comes to porn habits

Anyway, he kept a history of 'sex addiction" from you until after he'd locked you down with marriage (and kids?).

And now, he's bailed on a bipolar disorder investigation.

Did he hold back on these lewd comments until after he'd locked you down too?

Quite strategic for someone with (???) asd, bipolar etc. etc.

Ever think he knew he'd not get a nice woman (or any woman) to stay either him and have a family with him unless he hid lots of pertinent things about himself ..... But now he thinks you're locked in so ....

Did you marry the guy from MAFS??

Awful OP. I wouldn't be going near him ever again. Sorry you have to put up with such awful behaviour from him.

Gross!

Life is too short and childhood is even shorter. You don't need this and your kids definitely don't need to see their dad treating their mom this way.

He sounds like a lost cause.

Grim

This.

What a turn off. Grim

Late OH had a disorder that caused hypersexuality - you start to lose a grip on what is normal and what is not as it chips away at your life.

Don't let this go on. I would leave and get a normal life.

My first thought was to ask if he's I'll.

This isn't normal behaviour.

*ill ffs

And you married him?

It's gone too far when it's upsetting and annoying for you. When you tell your spouse to stop doing something because you find it unfunny/offensive/gross and they continue to do it they are pretty much telling you they don't give a shit, and possibly even actively enjoy upsetting you.

I can't help but think of Jay from The Inbetweeners - and his dad! Sorry you're going through this. Time for him to grow up!

Honestly? I would say "You stop these crude comments NOW, Steve, or we're through and you can pack your bags and get out."

And if he carried on, I'd pack his bags while he was out and put them on the doorstep.

Yes that’s it, I do feel like I’ve lost a grip on what is normal and what is not.

My libido post-menopause has become very low and I don't even mention such things. I'm not buying that as an excuse.