DH constantly making lewd graphic comments

[CucumberSandcastle]

All the bloody time! If we are chatting about something ordinary or I ask him about what he wants to do tomorrow etc he will make an extremely lewd comment about what he wants to do to me - like I cannot wait to plough your you know what or lewd comments about sexualised stuff he wants to do to me etc. Not even remotely related to anything we are talking about- basically says the most shocking/highly graphic things he can think of with a guffaw. He has a habit for saying outlandish stuff so often that coming from anyone else would be highly shocking but as he says it all the time it’s become normal if that makes sense?

Its a huge bloody turn off 👎

He says in while laughing in an almost playful way but it’s constant!

(TMI I know but he says oh I just want to destroy your an$! or I want to plough your sloppy m!nge 🤮) It’s gross I know. I try to ignore him or just say WTF to him.

He’s a “zany” off the wall type of character and his weirdness initially attracted me to him but this is just too much.

He was close to being diagnosed with bipolar disorder (he didn’t attend his follow ups) and I’ve heard about hyper sexuality and it being one of the symptoms?

Lots of excuses trotted out.
Not your problem. I rarely say LTB but if you can't even talk about paying a bill without having him make crude remarks, there's no point in staying. He sounds like a 15- year-old on 4 Chan.

Good point. If he says things like this to a woman at work, I hope she makes his life a fucking misery.

Ewww I'm shuddering for you that is so gross op. This is way way beyond normal banter and it's not fun & playful when one of you isn't enjoying it and down-right disrespectful to continue when you've been told to stop. I think you need to be a lot more direct & shut this down once and for all - make it absolutely clear that it stops now or he leaves. And mean it. This is highly inappropriate at the best of times but when you have kids they will eventually hear if they haven't already.

Are you not concerned that this hyper-sexualised and inappropriate man might talk to your children in this way?

When does it go over the line?

It's gone way over the line because you say it has.

Tell him that in order to remain in the relationship you need him to continue seeking support with his mental health/personality disorder/whatever it is that's causing this short wiring in his brain, and stick to your ultimatum.

Your kids are watching this circus, and learning how to adult.

How is his deliberately shocking others going down in his workplace?

If this is new behavior—like in the last few months—have him checked for a brain tumor. Disinhibition like this is sometimes the product of pressure or damage on part of the brain.

Have you asked him to stop?

Does he say the same type of things in front of the kids, parents, friends?

Because if he doesn't but continues in front of you then he is aware of how inappropriate those things are and can stop, but is choosing not to.

Don't let him use the excuse he can't help it.

Unless of course he is saying things in front of other people, and that's a different problem.

Oh, and all this he's quirky/not right/might be autistic.... does not excuse him in the slightest. I'm guessing he can control himself at work or in public which confirms this is a nasty sexual kick/control thing just for you 😡

So he says this stuff in your house. Where your children could hear?

I can’t understand why you would want to be anywhere near him tbh. He sounds utterly revolting

Nothing like the comments I’ve made but he’s definitely said inappropriate stuff in front of them.

And if you don't move them away from him then you're as bad as he is.

That's abuse, Op.

Yikes that would make my foof close up shop for good.

Please protect them. They didn't ask to be in such an environment. It must be so uncomfortable for them.

Gross. Dealbreaker. “Stop the disgusting comments or it’s the end of our relationship as it makes me want to avoid being anywhere near you”.

His off the wall sense of humour and general quirkiness was initially attractive but he definitely goes too far in the things he says. He also thinks (I do too) that he might be autistic.

It is true that "quirky humour" can be an effective cover for quite serious social disabilities. But autistic people can learn to control behaviour that is very obviously inappropriate. Why is he choosing not to?

"I might be autistic" is not a justification. OK, maybe he needs a diagnosis and some proper language therapy or social-skills training. But then he should go get them. He should at least believe you when you tell him that something he said is inappropriate.

One important thing you can do is avoid mixed messages. When he crosses the line don't smile or laugh. Calm flat voice. "That's not funny, it's inappropriate. I want you to say sorry." Every time.

Why are you allowing it?

If he doesn't say he wants your sloppy minge in front of the kids, then he can control it.

If he says it in front of the kids, then that is wrong on so many levels.

There is only one outcome to both of the above statements though, and that is leave the filthy pig.

@CucumberSandcastle He snickers like a school boy and if I don’t play along I can’t help but feel like I’m being no fun or too serious etc even though I know I’m not.

There’s your problem .. WHY are you playing along with behaviour that’s, quite frankly, disgusting and harmful??

I think it's anus as OP put an N in there but could be wrong. Even worse.

I loathe 'zany', 'crazy' people. They get away with appalling behaviour.

I'd leave and have nothing to do with him ever again. He sounds disgusting.

@CucumberSandcastle if you’ve made it clear you don’t like it, if you’ve made it clear it puts you off him romantically and sexually and he’s been in the process of a MH diagnosis and agrees he may have autism - yet is doing fuck all about any of this… then what does it say to you?

he can’t be arsed dealing with it or it simply isn’t a priority to him.

you face a life time of this if it isn’t dealt with now. Imagine you are both retired and kids have long left home.. just you and him in the house 24/7… can you survive that without planning a new patio constantly?

Stop playing along and pretending this is funny, for fear of being labelled a bore, by who?

This is not banter, your DC father says sexually inappropriate things in front of them. If you continue to giggle along with it, you are complicit.

I would never want to have sex with him again.

Any chance he's a secret porn addict?