DH constantly making lewd graphic comments

[CucumberSandcastle]

All the bloody time! If we are chatting about something ordinary or I ask him about what he wants to do tomorrow etc he will make an extremely lewd comment about what he wants to do to me - like I cannot wait to plough your you know what or lewd comments about sexualised stuff he wants to do to me etc. Not even remotely related to anything we are talking about- basically says the most shocking/highly graphic things he can think of with a guffaw. He has a habit for saying outlandish stuff so often that coming from anyone else would be highly shocking but as he says it all the time it’s become normal if that makes sense?

Its a huge bloody turn off 👎

He says in while laughing in an almost playful way but it’s constant!

(TMI I know but he says oh I just want to destroy your an$! or I want to plough your sloppy m!nge 🤮) It’s gross I know. I try to ignore him or just say WTF to him.

He’s a “zany” off the wall type of character and his weirdness initially attracted me to him but this is just too much.

He was close to being diagnosed with bipolar disorder (he didn’t attend his follow ups) and I’ve heard about hyper sexuality and it being one of the symptoms?

Presumably, if you're married and you're only just now mentioning this, it's a new development and he hasn't always made these sorts of comments all the time?

To be honest, if you've repeatedly and firmly told him you really hate it and it's not normal, and he keeps doing this, it does sound like he's got something going on mentally. Whether it's related to bipolar or some kind of compulsive condition or some kind of personality disorder that manifests itself in a constant need to shock/get attention, this is not normal at all. Have you told him that you think there's something wrong and that this isn't just gross, but also worrying and weird?

Regardless of what the cause of it is, you do not have to put up with it. It's not just a mildly annoying habit, after all - it sounds like it's making you feel really degraded, which is completely understandable.

For what it's worth, I love dirty talk in bed, sexting, the dirtier the better - but if my partner said the kinds of things you've repeated here, either in bed or out of it, I would be pretty disgusted. It's not even properly sexy stuff, it's immature, schoolboy-level gross-out kind of comments. Really juvenile, off-putting and just disrespectful, especially if he's saying these things just in normal conversation when you're trying to get on with day to day stuff.

You would be more than entitled to leave him. He sounds like incredibly hard work on every level. Sex addiction? Constantly hypersexual comments? Bipolar? Inappropriate stuff in front of kids? Honestly, you're meant to be his wife, not his therapist and support worker. What does he actually bring to the relationship that makes you happy? How does he contribute?

My ex-DH used to do this, also used to peer down my top when we were having a serious conversation and raise his eyebrows at me. It was like being married to a horny teenager, a serious ick.

He also had a sex and porn addiction.

OMG! It's a pity he can't be castrated like a dog that won't stop humping people's legs.

Honestly, he makes Beavis and Butthead sound like Ciceronian orators. What an absolutely disgusting man he is. Surely you can't stay with him?

Yet another sex pest!!

Its a huge bloody turn off 👎

What did he say when you told him this?

You say he's on medication and has lost his libido?

Could he be taking other drugs...like cocaine?

Sounds like he needs help.

You have told him to stop and he isn't getting it. How inappropriate is he around others? If he is on this level then it sounds like he has a problem in general, if however he can control himself elsewhere he is either letting himself go with you (as you are a safe place) or just simply ignoring and not respecting you.

I would be looking at some kind of therapy, especially if he had a sex addiction in the past. Sounds like he needs help managing his interactions and knowing what is appropriate and how others interpret his behaviour.

He sounds vile!

Wouldnt want him anywhere me, or my kids.

To me it doesn't matter what the reason for these comments is
You have children who will learn from what goes on around them (and they hear more than you think)
It needs to stop - NOW.
If it doesn't stop you need to leave.

Yes, it seems the entitled a-holes are really coming out of the woodwork today.🙄

I don't really want to jump on the LTB bandwagon but I'm getting close to it...

Oh god 🤢 Yes he also does this. The porn subject is an odd one. He is seemingly very prudish when it comes to porn and won’t even discuss it or hear the word! He’s catholic and is odd, uptight in some ways but crude/graphic in others. Unless he’s got a raging porn habit that I don’t know about but somehow I don’t think so.

Well, that's your cue to either kick him out or leave him. That is completely unacceptable. That sort of language was quite funny from Jay in the Inbetweeners as he was an adolescent boy with no sexual experience and he behaved completely differently when he got a girlfriend. Your DH is married with children. What an awful parents and terrible role model he is.

Not lost but the medication dampens it - before he said he would feel almost sick and couldn’t stop thinking about sex etc.

You need to tell him he's not getting anywhere near your sloppy minge if he doesn't pack it in. And mean it. It's pretty revolting.

sounds like a porn addict to me.

oh my god that would make me feel sick 😩😩😩🤮

It sounds a bit like Pick's disease, I believe David Baddiel's father suffered from it.

• Pick’s disease is a type of frontotemporal dementia (FTD), a condition that causes progressive damage and disruptions in a person’s brain at younger ages than expected for age-related brain disorders. FTD also affects parts of the brain that allow you to understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior.

Shock and awe time, methinks!

What would happen if you got graphic back?

'Yes, honey, you can absolutely destroy my anus as long as I can tear yours asunder first!'

Can't bring himself to say the word 'porn' but will talk about wanting to 'destroy your arse' and 'plough your sloppy minge' in the middle of an otherwise ordinary conversation?

He has definitely got something seriously wrong mentally. I'm sorry, but this is so, so peculiar that this isn't just a bloke being a twat.

However, as I said before - that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. He sounds seriously messed up and he's degrading you and saying inappropriate stuff in front of his kids.

I also wonder if his supposed sex addiction was actually sex addiction at all, because I'm now wondering whether his odd/uptight Catholic guilt thing made him paranoid about what other people might think were ordinary sexual thoughts. Or maybe it's like a 'pure O' OCD thing, where people constantly think about something that disturbs them. It's all incredibly fucking weird.

Honestly between this and the thread about the husband demanding sex from his wife who has just given birth I have to wonder - what exactly is wrong with men.

Its not all men but it is far far too many.

ffs

What rubbish.

Comments like this show absolutely no knowledge (or respect) for people with Tourette's.

Stop making excuses for vile male behaviour

Sorry - but he talks about "ruining your a- and a sloppy m* he almost certainly watches porn - and probably not just occasionally.

Picks is very rare and symptoms include repetitive behaviours not just inappropriate ones. Not sure dc should be around the DH here though - also any woman!

Does he make these comments in front of other people?

And if he really can't help it, does he say them TO other people? Because i bet he doesn't, and then it's even clearer that this is abuse.

What about actual sex - is it relentless and unpleasant in that he's always pawing at you or wanting it?

I couldnt stand this. Horrific.