Friend being strange with me now she's researched my financial situation

[theidiotswind]

This situation first arose a couple of months ago and I still don't know how I feel about it. I've name changed in case anyone I know guesses It's me as I can't really tell the story without some outing details.

We're friends as part of a group-'Sally' and I haven't ever been the closest but we've always got along absolutely fine and have had some good times together as part of a group.

I am a landlord-a small scale one. I own 3 properties with a business partner, a home I live in (mortgaged) and another residential property which an ex lives in and owns 50% of-I rent out the spare room in that (that I used to be in) to a friend. Of the latter property, I don't' get rent as such-friend just pays the mortgage for me.

None of the properties are particularly big or in expensive areas, one is a three bed the others are small two beds.

Sally messaged me (not unusual, she messages me sometimes) and said that she'd looked online (assume rightmove or somewhere) and worked out how much each of my houses were worth and so she knows how much I am worth. My first question was 'well why've you done that?!' and she said she was working out how much she was 'worth' and decided to do mine too. She has also (alarmingly, I think) looked at some of my more expensive clothes and added this to my 'worth' too. She said in part to this conversation 'What's (dog's name) cost as well?!'

(FWIW my dog is a mutt and not worth anything in terms of monetary means).

She told me the amount she'd concluded and since then she's been acting strange. We met up for a boozy lunch one weekend and toward the end someone said they were getting another glass of wine and I said 'Hm, not sure if I fancy another one too' to which 'Sally' said 'Get one, you can afford it, moneybags!'

Another time I was out walking my dog and bumped into her and I had scruffy clothes on as it was cold and wet and she said 'You shouldn't be wearing that bobbly jumper with all you money!' or something.

I have another couple of examples-It's odd and making me feel uncomfortable.

I am a single woman, I don't earn a lot of money in my job, I don't buy expensive things, simple lifestyle, no holidays or huge purchases, old car-I definitely do not see myself as ANYTHING like wealthy or rich or such. It isn't as if I can just withdraw a couple of £100 from a house to treat myself. I've been quite unlucky in terms of relationships and jobs, just broke up with someone so I am feeling quite down and lonely- and the fact I've got a couple of houses give me a safe feeling, but I don't see myself as 'moneybags' or successful or anything of the sort. I also find it really weird that she's essentially rummaged about in my situation like that, who could be bothered? It's nosy and intrusive IMO?

I don't know what to think. I havent' told anyone I know about this and I also would like some examples of what I should say to her if she says anything else which I am sure she is going to!

I agree, we have one rental flat and some years actually do little more than break even if we've had to spend much on maintenance or whatever. I suppose if you have more properties the spending tends to even out between them so you would do better.
We tend to have long-term tenants, don't charge the highest rental and look after them and the property, We haven't made that much on equity as it was a newly developed property.

The next time happens, try turning to the friends next to you and ask: "Does Sally do this to you too? You know, check into how much you are worth and try to put a dollar sign on your friendship?"

Maybe it will embarrass her into stopping, or you might be unpleasantly surprised to learn that Sally loves to dig into other people's personal and financial matters and you are just her latest target.

If she brings it up again just say to her that it's not really any of her business & while you have the other properties you can't get any cash from them so financially you're probably worse off than her cash wise. explain that as you're on your own & haven't a husband earning a decent wage , like she has, everything you have in assets is your safety net for later life.

I bet she has done this to all the friends in the group. Very judgmental at best unhinged really. Bet if you mention it when they are all together it will all come out . No excuse for such behaviour. What a bitter human. Enjoy your life and you have achieved. Screenshot all her txts just incase it continues. I would not be polite or pussy foot around an answer. It would be a straight none of your business, fxxk off you stalker. Take care .

I would cool it and distance yourself; I’d be livid if someone snooped into my personal info like that (I’d be very tempted to tell them to mind their own b business!). You don’t need toxic people like this in your life OP x

She's a cheeky cow. I have friends who are considerably better off than me but wouldn't dream on commenting on their wealth. Whether you are richer or poorer than Sally should not be a topic of conversation for her, or a stick to beat you over the head.

Doesn't really matter what you replied to. The Ferrari comment, although I think you meant it facetiously, is a good example of why it's not meaningful to judge people's finances by how they present; that teacher might have had a windfall. Or the car might have been a prize. Or a present. You just don't know.

If you knew them well enough you’d have a good idea. This all evolved from my comment that making odd comments about “not being able to afford X or Y” to try and curtail “Sally” was a really irritating way of dealing with it. Because if you know someone well enough to be having those discussions you likely have enough insight into their finances to know they are bullshitting you.

That conclusion doesn’t take a great deal of mental gymnastics, time or whatever else you suggested. Nor is it a “judgment” for judgments sake. It’s a reasonable conclusion drawn on the balance of the facts known to you.

You have tried to imply that my ability to draw such conclusions reflects badly on me, personally and that I must be judging my friends or have a great deal of time on my hands, or have different (the insinuation being less morally superior) priorities.

I’m really surprised, but also somewhat flattered, that given your lack of time that you’re able to continue to return to have the last word on this thread..!

Well, what can I say? I know I don't devote mental energy or time to thinking about my friends' possible financial situations. You clearly do (whether it's 'a great deal' or less.) I've already said this but, if it needs repeating: looked at in terms of priorities, I just don't prioritise coming to 'reasonable conclusions' or musing on 'the balance of the facts known to me' when it comes to what people in my life might earn/spend their money on.

I haven’t said I do devote any such time. Just can, generally, make an educated judgment as to whether someone is trying to BS me as was suggested by another poster 🙄

What’s your axe to grind?

@MarkWithaC are you suggesting you accept everything on face value?

Extraordinarily rude! It's something that you just don't do.

Nothing helpful to add, other than saying WHAT A WEIRDO. Who has time to research all your house locations and work out the values? Does she have a serial killer room at home dedicated to pictures of you, your old tissues she's stolen from your bag and some of your post she's nicked!

Have you asked a friend about this? I'd be finding out if this is normal for her?

Just to avoid the friction within her group of friends.

Very odd behaviour.

I had a friend, we got on quite well but she started to pry about my finances. It was in a round about way but it was obvious what she was doing. It reached a head when she was selling her house, it was in the price bracket at the absolute top end of where we live. She insisted we could afford to buy it. She was completely correct but I wouldn’t confirm this which really irritated her. I really hate people being nosey about finances.