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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend being strange with me now she's researched my financial situation

315 replies

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 21:51

This situation first arose a couple of months ago and I still don't know how I feel about it. I've name changed in case anyone I know guesses It's me as I can't really tell the story without some outing details.

We're friends as part of a group-'Sally' and I haven't ever been the closest but we've always got along absolutely fine and have had some good times together as part of a group.

I am a landlord-a small scale one. I own 3 properties with a business partner, a home I live in (mortgaged) and another residential property which an ex lives in and owns 50% of-I rent out the spare room in that (that I used to be in) to a friend. Of the latter property, I don't' get rent as such-friend just pays the mortgage for me.

None of the properties are particularly big or in expensive areas, one is a three bed the others are small two beds.

Sally messaged me (not unusual, she messages me sometimes) and said that she'd looked online (assume rightmove or somewhere) and worked out how much each of my houses were worth and so she knows how much I am worth. My first question was 'well why've you done that?!' and she said she was working out how much she was 'worth' and decided to do mine too. She has also (alarmingly, I think) looked at some of my more expensive clothes and added this to my 'worth' too. She said in part to this conversation 'What's (dog's name) cost as well?!'

(FWIW my dog is a mutt and not worth anything in terms of monetary means).

She told me the amount she'd concluded and since then she's been acting strange. We met up for a boozy lunch one weekend and toward the end someone said they were getting another glass of wine and I said 'Hm, not sure if I fancy another one too' to which 'Sally' said 'Get one, you can afford it, moneybags!'

Another time I was out walking my dog and bumped into her and I had scruffy clothes on as it was cold and wet and she said 'You shouldn't be wearing that bobbly jumper with all you money!' or something.

I have another couple of examples-It's odd and making me feel uncomfortable.

I am a single woman, I don't earn a lot of money in my job, I don't buy expensive things, simple lifestyle, no holidays or huge purchases, old car-I definitely do not see myself as ANYTHING like wealthy or rich or such. It isn't as if I can just withdraw a couple of £100 from a house to treat myself. I've been quite unlucky in terms of relationships and jobs, just broke up with someone so I am feeling quite down and lonely- and the fact I've got a couple of houses give me a safe feeling, but I don't see myself as 'moneybags' or successful or anything of the sort. I also find it really weird that she's essentially rummaged about in my situation like that, who could be bothered? It's nosy and intrusive IMO?

I don't know what to think. I havent' told anyone I know about this and I also would like some examples of what I should say to her if she says anything else which I am sure she is going to!

OP posts:
DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 02/02/2025 22:03

myplace · 02/02/2025 21:59

I imagine she assumed she’d be better off than you, did the maths to make sure, and was irritated to see it wasn’t so.

Is this her?!

Maybe she's so shallow and self-absorbed she just cannot possibly fathom other people not obsessing about being comfortable the way she does?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=-rVV7rUv3p4&pp=ygUoY29uc2lkZXJhYmx5IHJpY2hlciB0aGFuIHlvdSBob3RlbCBvd25lcg%3D%3D

user1471453601 · 02/02/2025 22:04

What does it matter what amount of money you may or may not have? If she decided your "worth" is calculated in ££, she's no friend.

I have a true friend who is worth at least a million £s. But it means nothing to me. I value her as a person, not how much cash she's collected.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:04

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:03

That's a good point, she didn't mention pensions at all! Sorry can you rephrase your last sentence, dont understand what you're asking?

Got it now, we're all homeowners (mortgaged) within the group apart from one.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 02/02/2025 22:04

That’s so so weird. Like, maybe out of curiosity she might have a peek at Rightmove but to then out herself and tell you and keep commenting on it?!

Sounds like she’s either just very money orientated and jealous that you’re more successful that way (in her view) than she is or she’s about to hit you up for a loan…..

Sassysoonwins · 02/02/2025 22:05

She is being very weird. Also aggressive and boderline bullying. I would avoid her in the main but prep for her next remark with a good comeback. "Your obsession with my financial situation is creepy, don't you have anything else to focus on?"

myplace · 02/02/2025 22:05

If you need to fight fire with fire, you could joke back about her hanging about and not trying hard enough, with her two income household…

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:06

user1471453601 · 02/02/2025 22:04

What does it matter what amount of money you may or may not have? If she decided your "worth" is calculated in ££, she's no friend.

I have a true friend who is worth at least a million £s. But it means nothing to me. I value her as a person, not how much cash she's collected.

I know, and it is not something I have ever thought about at all when making friends, within this friend groupor any other friends I have. Some are very wealthy, much much more so than me, some have nothing and have all sorts of different lifestyles, it just isn't something I consider.

OP posts:
BlondeFool · 02/02/2025 22:06

What a complete weirdo.

AcquadiP · 02/02/2025 22:07

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 21:51

This situation first arose a couple of months ago and I still don't know how I feel about it. I've name changed in case anyone I know guesses It's me as I can't really tell the story without some outing details.

We're friends as part of a group-'Sally' and I haven't ever been the closest but we've always got along absolutely fine and have had some good times together as part of a group.

I am a landlord-a small scale one. I own 3 properties with a business partner, a home I live in (mortgaged) and another residential property which an ex lives in and owns 50% of-I rent out the spare room in that (that I used to be in) to a friend. Of the latter property, I don't' get rent as such-friend just pays the mortgage for me.

None of the properties are particularly big or in expensive areas, one is a three bed the others are small two beds.

Sally messaged me (not unusual, she messages me sometimes) and said that she'd looked online (assume rightmove or somewhere) and worked out how much each of my houses were worth and so she knows how much I am worth. My first question was 'well why've you done that?!' and she said she was working out how much she was 'worth' and decided to do mine too. She has also (alarmingly, I think) looked at some of my more expensive clothes and added this to my 'worth' too. She said in part to this conversation 'What's (dog's name) cost as well?!'

(FWIW my dog is a mutt and not worth anything in terms of monetary means).

She told me the amount she'd concluded and since then she's been acting strange. We met up for a boozy lunch one weekend and toward the end someone said they were getting another glass of wine and I said 'Hm, not sure if I fancy another one too' to which 'Sally' said 'Get one, you can afford it, moneybags!'

Another time I was out walking my dog and bumped into her and I had scruffy clothes on as it was cold and wet and she said 'You shouldn't be wearing that bobbly jumper with all you money!' or something.

I have another couple of examples-It's odd and making me feel uncomfortable.

I am a single woman, I don't earn a lot of money in my job, I don't buy expensive things, simple lifestyle, no holidays or huge purchases, old car-I definitely do not see myself as ANYTHING like wealthy or rich or such. It isn't as if I can just withdraw a couple of £100 from a house to treat myself. I've been quite unlucky in terms of relationships and jobs, just broke up with someone so I am feeling quite down and lonely- and the fact I've got a couple of houses give me a safe feeling, but I don't see myself as 'moneybags' or successful or anything of the sort. I also find it really weird that she's essentially rummaged about in my situation like that, who could be bothered? It's nosy and intrusive IMO?

I don't know what to think. I havent' told anyone I know about this and I also would like some examples of what I should say to her if she says anything else which I am sure she is going to!

I find 'Sally' weird to say the least. I wouldn't be at all comfortable with her checking up on me like that. Tell her to mind her own, you don't have to justify/explain anything to her.

Endofyear · 02/02/2025 22:08

If I were you, she'd be an ex-friend! What a nosey bitch! Tell her to f off and keep away from her 😳

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:08

Talulahalula · 02/02/2025 22:00

Does she want you out of the group for some reason? Because it kind of puts you in a really awful position where you would no longer feel comfortable. The mere fact that you are now asking on here and assessing her comparative financial security shows that it has made you feel insecure and questioning of yourself. It’s not the actions of a friend. The only thing I possibly think is that she is maybe not secure in her marriage and concerned that she would not manage alone financially but even then, it’s an entirely bizarre thing to do,

How are you placed with friends outside of this group? And is everyone else in the group normal?

I am feeling insecure and just odd about the whole thing, yes Sad

I do have other friends, and yes! Never had any issues between us at all other than the commonplace very minor disagreements but I can't actually think of one I've personally had.

OP posts:
Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 22:08

Friend being strange with me now she's researched my financial situation

You do not have a friend in this woman. HTH.

ThinWomansBrain · 02/02/2025 22:08

she's nuts. rude and presumably thick - she can have no idea of your equity in the properties, or your share of ownership alongside your partner.
(unless she has looked that them on the land registry and there are no charges on the properties?)
Avoid.

If she persists, tell her you think she is being rude - and that she is a bit dim if she has no concept of the difference between market value and equity.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 02/02/2025 22:08

This is not normal. You might be curious, you might even look at the sold prices on rightmove, but to text someone with their worth is really not normal behaviour.

The weirdest part is surely factoring the dog into it! I mean, what are you going to do, chop it's leg off to pay the mechanic if your MOT is more expensive than you were planning?!

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:09

Thank you for all the suggestions of what to say. I haven't actually responded at all when she's addressed me in person about it, just stumped.

OP posts:
theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:09

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 02/02/2025 22:08

This is not normal. You might be curious, you might even look at the sold prices on rightmove, but to text someone with their worth is really not normal behaviour.

The weirdest part is surely factoring the dog into it! I mean, what are you going to do, chop it's leg off to pay the mechanic if your MOT is more expensive than you were planning?!

That's so true about the dog! Plus she knows my dog isn't a pedigree-we bump into another on dog walks and naturally have chatted about the dogs.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 02/02/2025 22:13

I do find that rude and weird. I'd say be careful around her.

Snowmanscarf · 02/02/2025 22:13

It’s quite easy nowadays to look at Rightmove ‘out if curiosity’ to see the value of someone’s house, or the area they lived in. I’m sure everyone had googled an ex or an old friend at some point.

However, to tell someone they’ve done this, and to work out current prices from searching sold prices is weird (and stalker-ish). Plus including other assets.

If
she brings it up again, I would reply that your financial situation is none of her business, and it’s a bit crass to bring up the price of everything, or make a joke of what you can or can’t afford.

Lavender14 · 02/02/2025 22:13

Next time she makes a comment, especially in front of people I'd call her out. I'd say "Sally, I find it deeply inappropriate that you went and researched my financial situation online to try and calculate my worth. So I'd appreciate it if you could stop commenting on it now. Its strange and uncomfortable. "

And let her sit with it. To me the friendship would be over anyway.

TappyGilmore · 02/02/2025 22:15

She sounds crazy, and rude. On occasion I have looked up the value of my friends’ or relatives’ homes but I’d be embarrassed to admit that to their faces! Besides knowing the value of their home doesn’t tell you much, I’ve obviously no idea what amount of equity they have in it.

If I were you I would steer well clear of her. I know it’s probably difficult if you have mutual friends. But this is so strange!

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:16

Snowmanscarf · 02/02/2025 22:13

It’s quite easy nowadays to look at Rightmove ‘out if curiosity’ to see the value of someone’s house, or the area they lived in. I’m sure everyone had googled an ex or an old friend at some point.

However, to tell someone they’ve done this, and to work out current prices from searching sold prices is weird (and stalker-ish). Plus including other assets.

If
she brings it up again, I would reply that your financial situation is none of her business, and it’s a bit crass to bring up the price of everything, or make a joke of what you can or can’t afford.

Yes! She seems to think what she's done is perfectly fine so why not discuss it!

OP posts:
RudbekiasAreSun · 02/02/2025 22:16

Goodness; I thought only the Polish mothers do it to each other, since once came with a Polish husband and the other fetched a well earning British man

IridiumSky · 02/02/2025 22:16

Sassysoonwins · 02/02/2025 22:05

She is being very weird. Also aggressive and boderline bullying. I would avoid her in the main but prep for her next remark with a good comeback. "Your obsession with my financial situation is creepy, don't you have anything else to focus on?"

This.

It’s really weird behaviour.

As others have said, it’s either pathetic jealousy, or next may be a suggested joint ‘business venture’ or a loan request. Be sure to have an immediate negative response ready.

And no disrespect intended OP, but it doesn’t sound you’re that ‘rich’ in liquid assets anyway; this woman does appear to be a bit thick.

Franjipanl8r · 02/02/2025 22:17

Does she have a personality disorder? To do this and then actually TELL someone you’ve done this research on them is astronomically odd.

Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 22:17

TappyGilmore · 02/02/2025 22:15

She sounds crazy, and rude. On occasion I have looked up the value of my friends’ or relatives’ homes but I’d be embarrassed to admit that to their faces! Besides knowing the value of their home doesn’t tell you much, I’ve obviously no idea what amount of equity they have in it.

If I were you I would steer well clear of her. I know it’s probably difficult if you have mutual friends. But this is so strange!

I have paid a small fortune to land registry over the years purely in the spirit of undiluted nosiness.

The snooping I have done on facebook, linkedin, Rightmove, and companies house also knows no boundary.

As you say, you don't admit to it. That's the really crazy part. At least I'm only a bit crazy.

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