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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend being strange with me now she's researched my financial situation

315 replies

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 21:51

This situation first arose a couple of months ago and I still don't know how I feel about it. I've name changed in case anyone I know guesses It's me as I can't really tell the story without some outing details.

We're friends as part of a group-'Sally' and I haven't ever been the closest but we've always got along absolutely fine and have had some good times together as part of a group.

I am a landlord-a small scale one. I own 3 properties with a business partner, a home I live in (mortgaged) and another residential property which an ex lives in and owns 50% of-I rent out the spare room in that (that I used to be in) to a friend. Of the latter property, I don't' get rent as such-friend just pays the mortgage for me.

None of the properties are particularly big or in expensive areas, one is a three bed the others are small two beds.

Sally messaged me (not unusual, she messages me sometimes) and said that she'd looked online (assume rightmove or somewhere) and worked out how much each of my houses were worth and so she knows how much I am worth. My first question was 'well why've you done that?!' and she said she was working out how much she was 'worth' and decided to do mine too. She has also (alarmingly, I think) looked at some of my more expensive clothes and added this to my 'worth' too. She said in part to this conversation 'What's (dog's name) cost as well?!'

(FWIW my dog is a mutt and not worth anything in terms of monetary means).

She told me the amount she'd concluded and since then she's been acting strange. We met up for a boozy lunch one weekend and toward the end someone said they were getting another glass of wine and I said 'Hm, not sure if I fancy another one too' to which 'Sally' said 'Get one, you can afford it, moneybags!'

Another time I was out walking my dog and bumped into her and I had scruffy clothes on as it was cold and wet and she said 'You shouldn't be wearing that bobbly jumper with all you money!' or something.

I have another couple of examples-It's odd and making me feel uncomfortable.

I am a single woman, I don't earn a lot of money in my job, I don't buy expensive things, simple lifestyle, no holidays or huge purchases, old car-I definitely do not see myself as ANYTHING like wealthy or rich or such. It isn't as if I can just withdraw a couple of £100 from a house to treat myself. I've been quite unlucky in terms of relationships and jobs, just broke up with someone so I am feeling quite down and lonely- and the fact I've got a couple of houses give me a safe feeling, but I don't see myself as 'moneybags' or successful or anything of the sort. I also find it really weird that she's essentially rummaged about in my situation like that, who could be bothered? It's nosy and intrusive IMO?

I don't know what to think. I havent' told anyone I know about this and I also would like some examples of what I should say to her if she says anything else which I am sure she is going to!

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 02/02/2025 21:53

What does she think your worth is? It sounds like petty jealousy tbh.

For what it's worth i am technically asset rich but cash poor, with a nice car and clothes/handbags. However I was in a £90k household a few years ago, when all these things were bought. People assume I've loads of money when I really haven't.

username299 · 02/02/2025 21:54

I would be furious. It's difficult because you're in the same group but I'd give her short shrift.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 21:55

Something like £120K. I don't know it myself to be honest-equity changes often and I don't know how much second hand clothes would fetch and things like that.

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Talulahalula · 02/02/2025 21:55

That is shockingly out of order and I would say so.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 21:56

She seems to think It's okay because she also told me how much she's worth! But she has a larger house than me albeit no other houses, and a husband who earns a lot of money, they have some shares etc etc but her personal worth is apparently less than what she's worked mine out as.

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pikkumyy77 · 02/02/2025 21:57

How horrible for you. If you can I would suggest ending the friendship.

VastOtter · 02/02/2025 21:57

That’s really intrusive, weird and rude. It’s really bad manners to even ask about someone's financial status, just out of curiosity.

pickywatermelon · 02/02/2025 21:57

It’s very weird of her and bullying

I am not great with phrases so someone else hopefully will come along, but the idea that she can start poking at you like that to me means she isn’t a friend - can you cool things down and not interact with her? Or a simple direct message “Your comments on what you believe about my finances aren’t welcome and need to stop”

Is there anyone else in the group you can trust deeply who you can ask has she done it to them also?

Ontherocksthisyear · 02/02/2025 21:58

But £120k isn't that much?

myplace · 02/02/2025 21:58

I’d probably bluntly say “look, you know nothing about my circumstances and you’re being very rude to keep bringing it up. Please stop.”

If It didn’t change I’d stop mixing with her.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 21:59

VastOtter · 02/02/2025 21:57

That’s really intrusive, weird and rude. It’s really bad manners to even ask about someone's financial status, just out of curiosity.

I don't like it either.Someone in the local pub who I have a casual chat with sometimes asked me how much I earned recently and I found it really rude, none of their business! Maybe that's me being embarrassed that I didn't make more of a success of myself though.

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myplace · 02/02/2025 21:59

I imagine she assumed she’d be better off than you, did the maths to make sure, and was irritated to see it wasn’t so.

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 02/02/2025 21:59

She's an absolute psycho. You'd think she'd caught you out running a bordello or dealing drugs; not just wisely investing in property when you had the opportunity.

I wonder if she's lining herself up to have an 'emergency' which costs a huge amount of money to fix... and she knows whom she can count on, right...

NuffSaidSam · 02/02/2025 22:00

She sounds like an absolute nutbag!

I'd avoid her as much as possible. And tell the others in the group why.

WellsAndThistles · 02/02/2025 22:00

Remind us why you want to remain friends with this green eyed weirdo?

Hankunamatata · 02/02/2025 22:00

With friends like that you don't need enemies

Pinkmoonshine · 02/02/2025 22:00

She sounds awful. Give her a wide berth!

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:00

pickywatermelon · 02/02/2025 21:57

It’s very weird of her and bullying

I am not great with phrases so someone else hopefully will come along, but the idea that she can start poking at you like that to me means she isn’t a friend - can you cool things down and not interact with her? Or a simple direct message “Your comments on what you believe about my finances aren’t welcome and need to stop”

Is there anyone else in the group you can trust deeply who you can ask has she done it to them also?

Yes there are, and I'd thought about this but then felt that this would break the group up and/or cause bad relations and I just don't want to be the instigator of anything negative really. Not saying I'm definitely not going to do it.

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Talulahalula · 02/02/2025 22:00

Does she want you out of the group for some reason? Because it kind of puts you in a really awful position where you would no longer feel comfortable. The mere fact that you are now asking on here and assessing her comparative financial security shows that it has made you feel insecure and questioning of yourself. It’s not the actions of a friend. The only thing I possibly think is that she is maybe not secure in her marriage and concerned that she would not manage alone financially but even then, it’s an entirely bizarre thing to do,

How are you placed with friends outside of this group? And is everyone else in the group normal?

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:01

myplace · 02/02/2025 21:59

I imagine she assumed she’d be better off than you, did the maths to make sure, and was irritated to see it wasn’t so.

That's a good point actually! Although I really didn't think she thought like that but I am likely to be wrong.

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ShortBreak · 02/02/2025 22:01

Pensions tend to be worth as much or more than someone's property, so this makes no sense.

But apart from that, how does she know how much equity you even have relative to secured debt (i.e. mortgage debt)?

Does she not know anyone she's that owns any property?

85pinkballoons · 02/02/2025 22:02

VastOtter · 02/02/2025 21:57

That’s really intrusive, weird and rude. It’s really bad manners to even ask about someone's financial status, just out of curiosity.

100% this

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:03

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 02/02/2025 21:59

She's an absolute psycho. You'd think she'd caught you out running a bordello or dealing drugs; not just wisely investing in property when you had the opportunity.

I wonder if she's lining herself up to have an 'emergency' which costs a huge amount of money to fix... and she knows whom she can count on, right...

I Really really hope not, I don't know how that would pan out

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ShortBreak · 02/02/2025 22:03

/ anyone else

I'd keep my distance from her, and not share too much personal financial info with others in future.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:03

ShortBreak · 02/02/2025 22:01

Pensions tend to be worth as much or more than someone's property, so this makes no sense.

But apart from that, how does she know how much equity you even have relative to secured debt (i.e. mortgage debt)?

Does she not know anyone she's that owns any property?

That's a good point, she didn't mention pensions at all! Sorry can you rephrase your last sentence, dont understand what you're asking?

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