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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend being strange with me now she's researched my financial situation

315 replies

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 21:51

This situation first arose a couple of months ago and I still don't know how I feel about it. I've name changed in case anyone I know guesses It's me as I can't really tell the story without some outing details.

We're friends as part of a group-'Sally' and I haven't ever been the closest but we've always got along absolutely fine and have had some good times together as part of a group.

I am a landlord-a small scale one. I own 3 properties with a business partner, a home I live in (mortgaged) and another residential property which an ex lives in and owns 50% of-I rent out the spare room in that (that I used to be in) to a friend. Of the latter property, I don't' get rent as such-friend just pays the mortgage for me.

None of the properties are particularly big or in expensive areas, one is a three bed the others are small two beds.

Sally messaged me (not unusual, she messages me sometimes) and said that she'd looked online (assume rightmove or somewhere) and worked out how much each of my houses were worth and so she knows how much I am worth. My first question was 'well why've you done that?!' and she said she was working out how much she was 'worth' and decided to do mine too. She has also (alarmingly, I think) looked at some of my more expensive clothes and added this to my 'worth' too. She said in part to this conversation 'What's (dog's name) cost as well?!'

(FWIW my dog is a mutt and not worth anything in terms of monetary means).

She told me the amount she'd concluded and since then she's been acting strange. We met up for a boozy lunch one weekend and toward the end someone said they were getting another glass of wine and I said 'Hm, not sure if I fancy another one too' to which 'Sally' said 'Get one, you can afford it, moneybags!'

Another time I was out walking my dog and bumped into her and I had scruffy clothes on as it was cold and wet and she said 'You shouldn't be wearing that bobbly jumper with all you money!' or something.

I have another couple of examples-It's odd and making me feel uncomfortable.

I am a single woman, I don't earn a lot of money in my job, I don't buy expensive things, simple lifestyle, no holidays or huge purchases, old car-I definitely do not see myself as ANYTHING like wealthy or rich or such. It isn't as if I can just withdraw a couple of £100 from a house to treat myself. I've been quite unlucky in terms of relationships and jobs, just broke up with someone so I am feeling quite down and lonely- and the fact I've got a couple of houses give me a safe feeling, but I don't see myself as 'moneybags' or successful or anything of the sort. I also find it really weird that she's essentially rummaged about in my situation like that, who could be bothered? It's nosy and intrusive IMO?

I don't know what to think. I havent' told anyone I know about this and I also would like some examples of what I should say to her if she says anything else which I am sure she is going to!

OP posts:
theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:18

IridiumSky · 02/02/2025 22:16

This.

It’s really weird behaviour.

As others have said, it’s either pathetic jealousy, or next may be a suggested joint ‘business venture’ or a loan request. Be sure to have an immediate negative response ready.

And no disrespect intended OP, but it doesn’t sound you’re that ‘rich’ in liquid assets anyway; this woman does appear to be a bit thick.

I definitely don't see myself as rich! She has a professional role and a degree! It doesn't mean she knows about this sort of thing though. I mean, I have two degrees but I am probably 'thick' in some subjects that I just happen to know nothing about. I've never thought of her as thick but yes.....

OP posts:
gamerchick · 02/02/2025 22:18

It's about time you started speaking up OP. Next time she mentions it I'm front of anyone. Say 'aw, x is my pet stalker rummaging around to see how much I'm worth, bless her heart' and move the conversation on.

Don't take anything she says to you. Let her know in no uncertain terms that what she's saying and has done is weird.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:19

Franjipanl8r · 02/02/2025 22:17

Does she have a personality disorder? To do this and then actually TELL someone you’ve done this research on them is astronomically odd.

Not that I know of! Always seemed perfectly normal to me. We all have our quirks I guess

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 02/02/2025 22:19

She sounds unhinged & that is bordering on being a stalker. We all like a nose on right move but that's just weird to look up exact properties & values. How does she know what you owe on each one??

Is there anyone else in the group you can sound out? It sounds like she is competing with you for some reason?

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:19

gamerchick · 02/02/2025 22:18

It's about time you started speaking up OP. Next time she mentions it I'm front of anyone. Say 'aw, x is my pet stalker rummaging around to see how much I'm worth, bless her heart' and move the conversation on.

Don't take anything she says to you. Let her know in no uncertain terms that what she's saying and has done is weird.

That's a good one! 😂

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 02/02/2025 22:20

My granny used to say that some people “know the price of everything and the value of nothing”. Think this applies to your “friend”.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 02/02/2025 22:20

She is a jealous and psychotic woman

😄

Sorry girl, just tell the other girls about how you're uncomfortable about it and you haven't intentionally hid anything from them x

Talulahalula · 02/02/2025 22:21

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:08

I am feeling insecure and just odd about the whole thing, yes Sad

I do have other friends, and yes! Never had any issues between us at all other than the commonplace very minor disagreements but I can't actually think of one I've personally had.

Right, well hopefully the responses on here show you have no reason to feel odd or insecure because it is Sally who has behaved strangely here.
It is good that the rest of the group are decent and you get on well; also that you are not dependent on this group for social interaction. These are things to be positive about.
I think I would simply say to Sally that you are not comfortable with the discussion and that she has been trying to work out your ‘worth’. I don’t think you need say more than that. If she presses, I would remind her that you have asked her to drop it. And yes, make sure you are cultivating other friendships as well.

theduchessofspork · 02/02/2025 22:22

If this is real she sounds totally crazy.

It sounds like an episode of some sort but I’d avoid her from now on. If you have to see her in a group then grey rock her if she communicates with you.

Circumferences · 02/02/2025 22:22

myplace · 02/02/2025 21:59

I imagine she assumed she’d be better off than you, did the maths to make sure, and was irritated to see it wasn’t so.

I'd bet on this being what's happened.

But what sort of freak really compares their "net worth" to their friends and then gets the huff about it 😆 what a frienemy.

Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 22:22

theduchessofspork · 02/02/2025 22:22

If this is real she sounds totally crazy.

It sounds like an episode of some sort but I’d avoid her from now on. If you have to see her in a group then grey rock her if she communicates with you.

It sounds like an episode of Eastenders.

Redtrainyellowcarriage · 02/02/2025 22:24

Three properties and you are worth 120k?
That's not rich, your 'friend' is weird for checking what you are 'worth'
I bumped into someone I used to work with , did the whole catch up thing, asked if I still lived at a previous address when I told her new address she googled the house price, what I paid and what it's worth now. Ppl are weird.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:24

Peachy2005 · 02/02/2025 22:20

My granny used to say that some people “know the price of everything and the value of nothing”. Think this applies to your “friend”.

Oscar Wilde! So true.

OP posts:
Poorscreamer · 02/02/2025 22:25

She sounds like a complete psycho.

On a serious note, I'd be very careful if I were you and scammers are everywhere.

In future don't divulge too much info to friends and acquaintances about your personal finances.

MissMoan · 02/02/2025 22:27

Wow, she sounds awful. So sorry for you, OP. It sounds like such an uncomfortable situation.

I'd ask her 'Do you mean to be so rude?' at her next comment.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:28

Redtrainyellowcarriage · 02/02/2025 22:24

Three properties and you are worth 120k?
That's not rich, your 'friend' is weird for checking what you are 'worth'
I bumped into someone I used to work with , did the whole catch up thing, asked if I still lived at a previous address when I told her new address she googled the house price, what I paid and what it's worth now. Ppl are weird.

I know I'm not rich, but the crux of it isn't really about that, I just feel so uncomfortable that she's done it. Wierd of your colleague too!

And yes that IS a weird thing to do! I am quite interested in houses hence becoming a landlord-sometimes friends have asked me to have a look when they're buying somewhere to see if I think It's okay etc etc but I'd never ever dream of thinking about the price or anything such as-I'd just be looking to see if it looked to have any issues, to be helpful.

OP posts:
Nonaynevernomore · 02/02/2025 22:28

I’d say two words to her

Fuck off

LBFseBrom · 02/02/2025 22:28

username299 · 02/02/2025 21:54

I would be furious. It's difficult because you're in the same group but I'd give her short shrift.

I agree. I am appalled by what Sally has done.

Op, it's a pity she ever knew you had some property, you've been far too open.

This woman is vulgar and resentful, she is not your friend.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/02/2025 22:29

How bizarre.
Apart from anything else, unless she's found out the size of your mortgage she doesn't really know what you are 'worth'.
About what to say to her, I think I might tell her that she seems strangely obsessed with what she imagines to be my financial situation (which by the way she is wrong about), and is she feeling OK, because you're worried about her.
She really not be OK and may need a friend to talk to, preferably one she has not alienated by behaving weirdly.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:29

Poorscreamer · 02/02/2025 22:25

She sounds like a complete psycho.

On a serious note, I'd be very careful if I were you and scammers are everywhere.

In future don't divulge too much info to friends and acquaintances about your personal finances.

That's true. I don't mention it much anyway as I know a lot of folk can be funny about landlords. But extra careful from now!

OP posts:
IridiumSky · 02/02/2025 22:29

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:18

I definitely don't see myself as rich! She has a professional role and a degree! It doesn't mean she knows about this sort of thing though. I mean, I have two degrees but I am probably 'thick' in some subjects that I just happen to know nothing about. I've never thought of her as thick but yes.....

Ha ha! You have two first degrees or a postgrad?

I always say that the more one learns, the more one realises that one knows almost nothing. That little island of knowledge on which we live, surrounded by the limitless ocean of ignorance.

That’s not ‘thick’, OP, that’s lack of time.

People are weird. I’m only a geologist (by training, not subsequent profession): rocks are so much more predictable than people. 😀

StartupRepair · 02/02/2025 22:29

Bring it up in the group in front of her. 'Has anyone else had Sally nosing around in their finances or is it just me?'
This is weird, massively inappropriate behaviour from her.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:30

Thinking further about it, she hasn't mentioned her husband much at all recently. I wonder if she is contemplating breaking away and wondering if she could manage etc so began thinking about me as I am the only perpetually single one among the group.

I am going to ask if she's okay now I think about it.

OP posts:
theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:31

IridiumSky · 02/02/2025 22:29

Ha ha! You have two first degrees or a postgrad?

I always say that the more one learns, the more one realises that one knows almost nothing. That little island of knowledge on which we live, surrounded by the limitless ocean of ignorance.

That’s not ‘thick’, OP, that’s lack of time.

People are weird. I’m only a geologist (by training, not subsequent profession): rocks are so much more predictable than people. 😀

I have a postgrad! And yes that's very true. I often say that the most intelligent thing is to be aware of what you don't know!

OP posts:
FoolishHips · 02/02/2025 22:32

I think a lot of people don't really understand what a BTL mortgage is. I know this because I used to own two BTL properties and I just used the rental money to rent a house for myself. They don't get that you won't ever pay off the mortgage and own the property and they don't understand that you can't live in the property yourself.