Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

For neighbours no it's not but for their household it is. If getting up and into the front room and fed stops the screaming they may need to be a 6am household.

It sounds like he’s used to being babied tbh

and honestly, you sound like you’re faffing about making hot drinks whereas the milk could be back upstairs before he gets the chance to scream

take him downstairs because that distracts him and get out of this baby routine - have him go downstairs on him if necessary and sit at the table with you to have breakfast and chat there

He knows the milk is downstairs!
Also as he is 3 does he not want breakfast, not just to be fobbed off with milk? If he is that hungry take him down and feed him properly.

@Tia86 Brushing before breakfast removes bacteria that will have built up overnight. Toothpaste also protects your enamel against any acidity in your food. Not the end of the world of you brush after eating but you should wait at least 30 mins or you can damage your tooth enamel.

Could you get up before he wakes up, go downstairs get drinks whatever, bring them back up. All done before he comes to your room?

I don't understand why you're all having drinks in bed in the first place.

Why not just get up and have your drinks downstairs? Or just wait to have your drinks after your shower?

He's 3. Why's he having milk in the morning still? It should be a drink with breakfast, not a separate thing.

Oh my god, lightbulb moment!
Did OP say she has another baby?
Could 3 year old be screaming for milk because he’s copying the baby?
If OP is still babying the 3 year old (still in cot etc.) then he could be regressing into baby behaviour for attention x

Is he still in nappies so cold and wet? Ideally he should be in a bed by now.

When my DS was that age (and younger) he would get in a state first thing because he was hungry. So we went downstairs and he had milk and the first Weetabix to calm down. Then he'd calmly eat the second one. We would be in our pyjamas because he had to eat and drink first thing.

If your DC can't manage the stairs then carry him down. He can go to the table and have his milk and then he might be okay to wait a few minutes for breakfast.

Why can't he go downstairs to get his own milk (with help), @Toddlerhelpplease123 ? He can come back up afterwards if he wants or needs to.

If you scream, no milk.

@Toddlerhelpplease123 why don't you just put his milk in whatever cup he has in the fridge the night before and grab it before he's awake if you're so against taking him downstairs?!

You really sound like you're making your life much harder than it needs to be, and it's already hard enough with a 3 year old I imagine

So when you are both in the room, before someone goes down, then he's fine. But as soon as someone's gone to get drinks he starts screaming for his milk?

It’s very easy to baby your first born because it’s all new to you as well! But I do think you need to be treating him like a preschooler now and maybe look at some of the things he should be able to do before he starts school and build up to those in that time. Stairs are a basic safety skill it’s important he has

Can you keep a banana or something in the bedroom for him to snack on when he waits? My 4.5 year old used to whine and cry for a while when he was around 2.5/3. He was just absolutely starving so we used to cut him a banana to have immediately. It always helped. Then he'd have his milk and was fine to wait until we'd had our coffees before having breakfast together.

Yes

Well he can't do that. Assuming there's nothing physically wrong with him I would be telling him quite firmly how rude he's being screaming at you for milk on demand. He's old enough to start learning manners and boundaries. Start as you mean to.go on otherwise you might be setting yourself up for trouble later. And he might find nursery tricky.

I was also a very lazy mother when my kids were little and wanted them to be able to sort themselves out and do their own thing as soon as possible. Children like to be independent as much as they feel safe being so. You just need to help them with that by setting boundaries and letting them happily do what they like within those boundaries. If he wants to come with you then let him.

This is so weird. You get up, put on a dressing gown, go downstairs with the toddler and give him a cup of milk in the kitchen while the kettle is on for tea or coffee. That would be the normal thing to do, surely?

@Toddlerhelpplease123 why can’t you get the drinks before getting him up and bringing him in to your room? That way the drink will be waiting for him as soon as he gets up?

Anyway, the simple answer is that he goes downstairs with the drink maker, holding hands. Has his milk while the hot drinks are made, then goes upstairs independently (hands and knees if need be) while the adult carries the hot drinks.

I agree with some others it all sounds like babying, mine were not getting milk at that time at that age. Is he not in a bed yet? (Think you mentioned a cot) as for screaming, I'm afraid I was just one of those parents that didn't tolerate that kind of thing, by not tolerate I mean it wouldn't have resulted in what they were demanding.

At that age mornings looked like this;

Midweek: straight downstairs together for breakfast

Weekend: come into bed with us, pop the tv on for a bit. Probably got him a drink if he asked for it. Then go downstairs for breakfast.

If he shouts like that he doesn’t get his milk upstairs, tell him he can’t have milk upstairs unless he can wait calmly. If the person making the drinks downstairs can hear him they won’t be able to make his milk, it’ll be worse for a few days as you’ll likely have him attempt to tantrum to get his own way but he’ll soon learn there’s no point shouting and that he should be quiet so he can still have milk. If you’re worried about him being thirsty have some water available but at nearly 3 he can cope without a glass of milk immediately on waking.

I think the screaming is because he's bored, he needs a little change of routine and more independence in the morning.. can he go down with you and pour his own milk or cereal?

It takes 30 seconds to run downstairs, pour milk into a cup and take it back upstairs for him if you insist that he has to have it upstairs. Don’t waste time making hot drinks too, get him his milk and then when you go downstairs again after make your other drinks then. At the moment your keeping him upstairs once he’s awake, making him wait whilst you make hot drinks and then seemingly all taking time to get ready upstairs, drink hot drinks and then you go downstairs for breakfast. This is not what any kid wants or needs. Of course he’s upset, it sounds very frustrating for him.