Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

Try taking him downstairs and see if he still screams. Tbh I thought everyone ate their breakfast in their PJ's. Even on work days getting dressed is after breakfast.

Yes! At weekends we get up, have breakfast and then wash, dress and clean teeth. I am not sure why you would clean your teeth before breakfast?

On school days then we do get up and dressed as need to be quicker at getting ready.

If you need to be dressed before taking the toddler down, why not preempt their waking and set an alarm so you are washed and ready? This is nothing unusual and what many families do.

Also just to note my son used to wake at 5am when he was little. That was his routine and we would go downstairs. It doesn't last forever. He is still an early riser but now amuses himself as he is a lot older.

We also had stair gates when mine were little. Would your son be happier if he could get out and play in his room?

Could you speak to a health visitor or something OP? You seem a bit lost.

Why are you confining this child so much? Poor child needs to be up and about and learning some independence. You can have your drinks downstairs and go back up for dressing like everyone else in the country with small children.

Brush teeth after breakfast!

No need to buy a thermos op just take him downstairs.

Yes in the context of eating and immediately brushing. But you can eat have a coffee / drink do other bits and bobs shower get dressed then brush your teeth which by this time is 30 mins later

Throughout the day you talk to him and explain the screaming in the morning has stopped and “tomorrow we shall play nicely and quietly until your bottle is ready”. At almost 3 he understands this. Repeat a few times. Repeat very clearly at bedtime right before you leave his room. Obviously with the add-on of “you will come downstairs with us and we can’t scream because neighbours XYZ are still sleeping at that time” - if you decide to bring him with you.

Don’t try pleading with him once he’s already in meltdown mode - he needs to hear several times during the day, when he’s calm, how the following morning will go.

Sorry, OP, you can have whatever morning routine you like, but I don’t know anyone who doesn’t go downstairs in PJs first. I only get ready straight away when I have to go to work.

Some kids are too short to navigate stairs well – my DD couldn’t reach the handrail for a long time. But at this age they can go up and down on their bottom if necessary.

You seem to be putting an awful lot of restrictions on your child and they likely feel really frustrated.

Yes! To start with a 3 year old isn’t really a toddler anymore, unless they have disabilities they should be able to navigate stairs by themselves. It’s on the two year old health visitor checklist. A 3 year old is plenty old enough to be taking themselves to the toilet when they get up if they need it, or can go to the toilet downstairs once down (you have a large house so assume a downstairs toilet, but if not they can go upstairs to it if they need to). Why does it take both of you upstairs getting ready, one of you could go downstairs with your son, make breakfast whilst the other is getting ready then switch. DS can go upstairs to get dressed after breakfast, with one of you if he needs help.

I think this would work well for you and stop the screaming:

Child wakes up, parents goes in, takes child to toilet then both go downstairs. Have milk, play and have breakfast. Go upstairs, get dressed and brush teeth, go back downstairs. It’s pretty much what everyone does!

This is a really strange thread. Simply pick up the toddler and take him downstairs with you when you go downstairs? Why do you need to have drinks in bed? Why do you need to be fully clothed before breakfast? Just chuck on a dressing gown, go downstairs and have breakfast/drinks, and get ready together afterwards. Brushing teeth before breakfast isn't good anyway.

The whole going downstairs thing is weird but I'm surprised by the cot issue. Ours were in cots til the moment they could climb out and we're perfectly happy. They were both 3 when we moved to a bed if I remember correctly.

Your current arrangement clearly isn't working so maybe try taking him straight down with you. What have you got to lose? We never brought morning drinks up for our DC at that age. They got up and came down in their jammies for breakfast and drinks. You also need to teach him to go up and down the stairs safely. Surely you are not carrying him up and down every time?

You have a choice, either take him down and back up again or put up with screaming. I know what I would have done.
You sound like your bedroom is on top of a medieval tower. What's the issue with getting a 3 years old up /down (even if we believe for a second he can't climb up himself).

Yes

teeth after breakfast, shower after breakfast (then if he gets dirty he can be cleaned!)

give this child some independence, he’ll be at school. Is he out of nappies?

OP, very gently, you're going to have a tough next 15 years if you don't realise that parenting needs to adapt and change. What was right for your child yesterday may not be right for them today.
Be solution focussed. If somethings not working, change it.
Comparing your now 3 year old with what they did at a couple months old won't help either!

If you don't want to take him down can you run the milk up quickly and then go back down to make tea and coffee? Or get some long life milk and keep it upstairs?

Yes, a typical 3 year old would be able to wait but yours is struggling for whatever reason. I'm assuming he can't articulate it yet so you're stuck guessing which is difficult, all you can do is try different things and see what works.

He can go downstairs on his bum if needed. But you really need to get him using stairs confidently for his core strength and balance. What else is he limited in doing by you?

And yes I'd say the majority of people with a nearly three year old take the child straight downstairs for breakfast in pj's.

Probably do a wee first then straight down stairs to eat.

Then back upstairs to get dressed and clean teeth and get ready for the day.

What do you think he wants to do?

He wants his milk!

It’s not like he’s chasing after his dad and screaming take me downstairs. He’s sitting sits in the bed until he leaves.

Then after 30 seconds he’s sitting in our bed irrationally screaming. And when I said what’s wrong. He’s screaming milk.

It’s quite alarming honestly. From zero to 100 in 30 seconds. He does sound like he’s being murdered!

I’d put him in a bed by 3, I’m assuming he’s not needing to get out for a wee because he’s still in nappies? Which is fine if potty training is happening but he’ll need a bed by now. Most cots can convert into a bed. You could always put a stair gate on his bedroom door if that’s a worry for you.

As for the drinks in bed situation, I’ve never heard anything like it. It sounds lovely but it’s not working anymore is it?
I’ve always got my daughter out of bed, straight to toilet/potty etc. then downstairs for drink/milk/breakfast. Then once everyone’s finished, brush teeth and back upstairs to get dressed.
He might be screaming because he WANTS to go downstairs so that’s going to have to be the solution OP 😕 x

We all get up, go downstairs (in pyjamas!), have drinks/breakfast etc then go back upstairs and get ready for the day. I thought that was fairly normal!

I really don't get your morning routine. Who brushes teeth before breakfast? And what 2 year old can't manage stairs, however steep they are. My 2 year olds were climbing up and down climbing walls at the park yesterday and they did this whilst wearing wellies and snowsuits. If it's past 6am when one of the children wakes. 1 adult goes downstairs with them for a play/breakfast. Then everyone gets showered/dressed/teeth later on. Also a cup of milk takes 30 seconds to make.

For goodness sake take him downstairs. The world won’t end if you go downstairs in pjs.