Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

Apologies, OP I thought he was left upstairs alone however, yes it is completely normal to get up and go straight down for breakfast and then get ready after. Completely normal. Teeth should be brushed after you’ve eaten.

It’s not taking two of us to get drinks

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

I love MN for this, is your mind blown by the idea people can go downstairs without cleaning their teeth?! You need to read some of the threads/furious arguments about wearing pjs all day!!

We all go downstairs, we all get our drinks there, we all eat breakfast. Toilet either up or downstairs depending on need. Then dressed and teeth last. Even your little one is like 'why are we all waiting up here when everything we need is downstairs?!'

Agree with others that if your 3yr old can't do the stairs you should be working on it, that's a bit unusual imo.

Yes 😂😂 DS had just turned 4 but for at least the last year and a but since potty trained it’s been

• wake up
• quick stop at the toilet for a wee
• he comes to the kitchen and helps with making breakfast
• he plays for half an hour while I get ready/put on a laundry/get bags etc sorted for the day
• then brush his teeth (I don’t like doing them immediately after eating so try to wait half an hour if possible) and get him dressed and we’re ready for our day

He’d be fuming if I made him wait in a bedroom and bugger about getting milk etc! He’s up and ready to start the day

You might think it is. I wouldn't appreciate being woken up by screaming at that time if I lived next door.

Also op, if he’s seeing you prepare milk or whatever he’ll eventually learn to do it himself. He needs to see you doing the things that you do for him.

No he’s screaming in our bedroom. He usually comes in and we sit on the bed. Say hi nice morning, what are we going to do today etc.

Whoever got up is already going downstairs getting drinks straight away. We aren’t faffing about.

Maybe I do need a thermos flask or a microwave but if a younger baby can cope with a 2-3 minute wake then surely a 3 year old can.

It’s just so intense. It’s literally a melt down within about 30 seconds from being fine to screaming.

Bizarre.

Take him with you and have the drink sow statues like normal people do!

Downstairs ^^

Yes we used to pop dressing gowns on and go downstairs, leisurely morning drinks in bed don’t work with a toddler, then after breakfast upstairs to get washed/dressed and brush teeth, and he should definitely be able
to go up and downstairs at 3 years old

"Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything."

Absolutely. That is what normal people do, to the point it never occurred to me to do anything else. This whole thread is bizarre and I don't understand you at all.

You say "oh we'd just have to take him back upstairs to get ready anyway"- yes? That is what normal people do. But if you want to minimise going up and down the stairs, I don't understand why you can't just keep a drink by the bed and then just get ready and go downstairs after.

Or get the toddler ready upstairs, then one of you takes him downstairs for breakfast/plating while the other gets themselves ready. Then switch.

Actually, it's better for your teeth to brush before breakfast

Cot sleeping for as long as possible (without safety issue) has been shown to be more beneficial to sleep. Til 2.5 at least.

What a bizarre issue to have.

Prioritise your toddler's needs by bringing him downstairs with you for a drink. Then go from there. Honestly mind boggling.

Get him out of the cot. He's nearly 3.

Look up parenting tips online.

He usually comes in and we sit on the bed. Say hi nice morning, what are we going to do today etc.

What a bonkers way to start the morning when he's obviously going to be hungry. Just take the poor lad downstairs to eat and discuss the day over breakfast like everyone else does.

Tastes horrible though. And I'm in my 40s with no fillings, so clearly it's working ok for me.

Absolutely. But given the circumstances the toddler can have a drink water or milk then brush teeth later on.

As we know our children wake up at a generalish time, at least one of us has usually been to the loo and cleaned their teeth, so when our three year old wakes she can be taken straight downstairs. If you don’t want to go down in your dressing gown, you need to make sure you’re dressed and ready before they wake up.

OP we never did this. Never had morning drinks. Never got dressed before going down. Also had a massive house.

Your child needs to learn the stairs. At 2 both mine were going up and down and we removed stair gates. And honestly. We had a massive house.

By age three they were going down and putting the TV on!

A baby is very different from a toddler so you can’t compare their patience

if he is unable to tell you why he gets so upset once he’s calmed down then you need to try different things and the obvious is to take him down

it does sound very much like you baby him and that will be adding to his frustrations.

My 13 month old can climb stairs, your 3 year old should be able to.
Teeth should be cleaned after food and drinks not before.
He's screaming because he doesn't want to be left, go downstairs, make drinks then worry about getting ready later

@Toddlerhelpplease123 Do us a favour and humour us OP - will you try just taking him straight downstairs for the next few days and see how it goes 🤣
Of course it’s nice to say good morning and chat about your day etc but you can do that while he helps you prep breakfast.

Out of interest - how much is he doing for himself in his day? Take breakfast for example - are you making it and serving it to him as if he’s a baby or is he helping with the process?

He's 3, not a baby. Walk him downstairs, let him see what's going on. Stop infantilising him for your own convenience. He's clearly frustrated and telling you in the only way he knows how.

What do you think he wants to do? Do you think he wants to go with you? My eldest son at that age used to have melt downs on walks (we live in the country and I assumed he would want to tootle about doing his own thing) and I couldn't work out why for ages. It turned out he just wanted to hold my hand!! I felt such a terrible mother but sometimes it's just little things like that. Maybe he wants to be with you.

I agree with this. Seems an odd set up, no wonder he’s frustrated after being stuck in a cot all night at 3!