Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

Yes he’s seeing the milk as a reward for the screaming, maybe it comes quicker that way?!

I would say stop screaming or no milk. And don’t give it.

Side note a proper breakfast is usually advised at this age and not filling up on milk before sitting down for meals. Can you get up earlier and get him sat down for breakfast? I wonder if he is very hungry by this point?

Maybe speak to next door neighbours to apologise and say you are addressing it but might get worse before it gets better.

If you are still struggling health visitor might be able to advise further.

My DC when three was getting and getting his own drink around 5.30 am each day.

It sounds like it’s you who can’t wait the 20 minutes to get downstairs before you have a drink? Unless I’m confused about you keeping a thermos at your bed? Meant kindly, are you autistic OP? I think it would go some way to explaining the rigidness of your routine. Honestly I’m surprised you’ve got to almost 3 years with the same morning routine.

An irrational 3 year old 🤣🤣🤣

He’s almost 3 and this routine has been going on all his life. He’s old enough to understand, daddy is getting your milk, he’s coming back in a minute! If he doesn’t understand at 3 that people go out of a room and don’t simply disappear, then there’s a problem! And before you say it, yes I know small children have no concept of time, but when their entire life has had the same routine, they can and do understand. Just because he may have decided that he has a problem with the routine, is not grounds to change it. These days people are letting their children behave like little dictators from a very young age, it’s what is causing so many problems as they get older. It is not for a 2/3 year old to dictate his parents routine.

Omg I am amazed by how much you have been castigated over this. Just ignore it. You have your routine and it’s not for a mini dictator to tell his parents how to behave! You are not doing anything detrimental to your child’s health or well being, so if you enjoy some family time over a cup of tea in bed in a morning, you do you. As he gets older your child will enjoy this time again and will probably remember it in later life. I’m amazed that so many parents simply give in to tantrums at the first sign of them, this is why we have so many out of control children. They think they are in charge and then get very scared when they don’t know what to do or how to control their emotions. We are the adults and need to have boundaries for our children to make them feel safe and secure. Children need to know that when they get out of control, there is someone there to catch them, to be calm and smooth them, not flapping about trying to fulfill their every demand and make things worse.

I really agree with this. Clear boundaries re behaviour and they can do what they want as long as they are within those boundaries.

Threads like this need a ‘turn off comments’ button ( except for OP updates) otherwise they just go round and round with PP’s not reading the updates and giving the same advice, again and again, 29 pages and weeks later….

Nah, it's because a lot of people like tearing others down. OP got a lot of grief for her nearly three year old being in a cot, completely irrelevant to OPs issue and they were wrong. A lot of people judged her for not letting her child do the stairs alone, when it was quite clear OP said she didn't feel they were safe. She was also under no obligation to take of the much insincere 'advice.'

I agree completely that a 3 year old should not be left navigate stairs on their own …

But with regards to calling a 3 year old a “mini dictator “ & “ irrational 3 year old “ GET A GRIP !!!!
Baby , Baby, Baby , Have I mentioned it’s a baby that we’re talking about here !!!!!

Kindly, this has very little to do with the selection of beverages. He is screaming because like all toddlers he doesn’t want to be trapped upstairs, he wants to go downstairs, have breakfast and start the day! He absolutely must learn how to use the stairs for his own safety. Mine both learned aged 1.5yrs. Also get him into a proper toddler bed, he is clearly frustrated by the lack of independence and autonomy.

No one is suggesting the toddler be allowed to walk up and downstairs unassisted. And toddler independence is so vital in forming self esteem, encouraging life skills is crucial before they start preschool. It takes a good year of practice to become confident at walking up and down the stairs.

Is it ok for the neighbours though? I'd be incandescent to be woken by a screaming 3 year old every morning!

Ooh lots of opportunities for the usual sneering and showing off on this thread I see.

Haven’t read far yet but favourite so far is ‘my DD was going up and down the stairs well before 1’. Independently I presume was meant, otherwise the observation was irrelevant in context as the point was about OP’s child not managing stairs alone.

Isn’t a child well before 1 going up and down stairs on their own negligence?

There were plenty of people saying he should be able to navigate the stairs by himself by now. Lots of smug 'advice' from people whose baby did the stairs by one or who were in their own bed at 14 months! It's unhelpful, irrelevant and shared with the intention of telling OP she is doing it wrong.

come on, “on their own” clearly indicates the fact they don’t need to be carried up the stairs, but can walk up and down unassisted, but supervised. No one (hopefully) is letting a 1 year old roam around the house up and down the stairs alone. 2-3 year olds are absolutely encouraged to take the stairs by themselves in childcare settings, itvis age appropriate- my son’s nursery encouraged parents NOT to hold their hands but to stand behind them as they climbed the stairs. It isn’t smug to say your child can safely climb the stairs for goodness sake. Is the bar really so low? this isn’t about parent’s egos its about a child’s self esteem.

Unless your child has any disabilities they should absolutely be encouraged to learn how to safely climb stairs!!

Toddler, toddler, toddler.

OH please excuse me , my mistake , changes things up completely ….
I hope he has his cvs handed out in time for a Summer Job !!!!
😂😂

You are missing my point I am not arguing that children should not be taught to use the stairs at all. My post is that there is nothing to suggest OP doesn't let her child use stairs. She said clearly that she is too short to do it himself and I presume difficult to do when carrying warm drinks. So the advice is completely redundant and in my opinion not opinion not said to be helpful but to be unkind.

And yeah on AIBU the bar is really low. People comment so harshly on here and I think OP got a lot of snarky comments.

I’m not sure I am missing the point. Literally you can teach a 1 year old to crawl up the stairs or shuffle down on their bottom. Height doesn’t come into it. I don’t agree with spiteful comments but I do think some people can be a tad precious to any perceived criticism.

The fact that you are still going on about stairs suggests otherwise.

We don't have a child… however we do have a cat that is very attached to us. If we go downstairs in the morning he follows us… if we prevent him he miaows like we're killing him. Same going upstairs any time of the day, he wants to be with us. Maybe it's a simple case that your child wants to be with you and doesn't understand the separation. I know this sounds over simplistic but our mammals, human or animal, are extremely attached to their carers.

Reddit are living this one!

and? who gives a fuck what the people posting about another forums threads think?

Surely on a thread that is screaming about toddlers being babied and how independent everyone's 18 months olds are/were, it should come as no surprise that it's totally possibly to teach children to eat properly so they don't throw food all down themselves?