Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

I didn’t think OP was mad to get changed before breakfast, whatever works for them! I thought it was mad that she thought it was so insane that not everyone does that 😁

20-30 mins to get the drink and bri g them back up?? What the hell takes so long . Of course he is screaming/ shouting . He is really hungry . He comes in bed with one of you for distraction or just take him downstairs while you make it . In our house we made the milk straight away delivered it to the hungry toddler and then sorted other people out.

This too shall pass. He's coming up to 3, and just being a very contrary 3 year old. I would do new born again in a flash, but I never want to do 2 and 3 again.

If you want an easy life (and there is nothing wrong with that) take him down to get his milk with you. Make it interesting for him. This is just the start of a new phase of his life that takes some adjustment from everyone, and finding new routines which work for everyone.

Oh, and mine are both mid teen now and like a glass of milk first thing, before breakfast! It's a routine they have always enjoyed through their life.

Can he sit in a high chair with breakfast whilst you get ready?

Maybe he's hangry?

I agree that's a long time. At that age, they were straight into weetabix and breakfast was done in 5 mins. They couldn't wait at that age, they were hungry. And why the need to be drinking milk in bed at 3? Bit strange!

Honestly people act like they've sacrificed a part of their lives when offering advice on here and then get angry when someone doesn't immediately follow it. Typical Mumsnet state of affairs. Well done for not taking it to heart.
Toddlers are hard OP and you may find that this weird phase turns into something else just as quickly as it started!

Can I just chine in with my response to the PP. We were the exact opposite- our DS2 diagnosed recently at 18 with ASD & ADHD was the calmest, quietest, least demanding baby out of all three. DS1 screamed for milk the moment he awoke- now 20, the most calm, chilled out of the lot & the only NT one I have. Different strokes.

Demonstrated to mine how to get down stairs by sitting on your bottom. They were climbing up as soon as they were walking (12 months).
At 3 years a toddler can tell you what they want and it seems to me he ‘s telling you he wants to get out of the cot. I’m surprised he hasn’t climbed over the sides by now. Mine did and that’s when they went into a bed.

Have you tried parenting?

I’m so confused. We also live in a big house - youngest wakes at crack of dawn. We go downstairs. He has breakfast , I have coffee. Then older kids start to wake up. We all have breakfast and then go back upstairs to get ready. Why is he not allowed downstairs- why is everyone having drinks upstairs?? So strange

@PlopSofa @olympicsrock

Op yesterday- He has drinks upstairs. He’s not going to die in the period it takes to get drinks (less than 5 minutes - probably 2-3). And he’s literally screaming blue bloody murder bless him.

The original op may have made it sound like both parents were going downstairs and that it took 20-30 minutes but actually only one of them goes, and are only a few minutes. He had been happy with this set up until recently.
Several posters suggested simply getting him up and going downstairs, which apparently was a mental approach as op couldn't believe other people did it.
She hasn't been back to let us know if taking him downstairs for a drink and breakfast was successful.

Ha ha yes!! He might need a quick wee first but then yes we go downstairs to have breakfast. Really seems like you’re making life hard on yourself - he’s probably hungry. Do you have other kids?

He doesn't scream in the cot. They take him out of the cot and he only screams when one of them goes to fetch milk.

Update from this morning?

If his fine until one of you leave to go and get the milk why don’t you just stop going to get the milk until your all ready to go downstairs?

if his quite happy to be upstairs with both of you just stay upstairs and get ready to start your day.

My 17 month old doesn’t even have a morning bottle at all, your 3 year old will be absolutely fine and doesn’t need a bottle bought up to him in the first half hour of him being awake

i would hate to listen to mine screaming like that for something I can’t imagine how stressful that is first thing in the morning so I would just eliminate the cause

I have a 3 year old and 1 year old. We keep a bottle of water next to their bed/cot for when they immediately wake up. 3 year old goes for a wee independently whilst I/dad get 1 year old out of cot and out her sleep sack and the other goes to the kitchen to start breakfast. 3 year old will then join whoever is in the kitchen to help/wait for their food. Brush teeth and get dressed about 20/30 mins after breakfast.

Probably takes 5 minutes tops to get them from their beds and down to the kitchen for breakfast. You really don’t need a whole faff with morning drinks upstairs.

Could you not get up 5 mins before he does, get drinks ready and then when he wakes it’s there for him?

NRFTso apologies if it's already been suggested but try screaming back?

Seriously?

Could the parent making the drink go straight downstairs without taking the 3 year old from the cot? Then the other parent get them out a minute or two later? That way the drink will probably be on its way.

Yes, you shouldn’t brush your teeth until after breakfast anyway.

Its the otherway around, you should brush before eating.

I can't stand screaming so I would just put a mini fridge with milk in in my room and give it him instantly. Anything for a quiet life.

I would just let him out to come in bed with you? Whilst one of you makes drinks. And if he settles for a bit try and get ready.
but yes I imagine most people go downstairs in the morning in their pyjamas. Sort breakfast out etc and then get dressed. That’s what I do as a mum of 3 (one being a 3 year old) except when I’m in work I’m up and dressed before anyone else is even awake. 3 year olds don’t have patience and they don’t understand why they have to wait their brains aren’t properly developed yet.
it is a weird rule to have. It may have worked when they were a baby but they are a young child now with their own opinions about what they want. We have a stair gate on our child’s bedroom door purely so she doesn’t walk about at night but as soon as she’s up in the morning the gate is open.

I'd just take him downstairs....