Omg please help!

[Toddlerhelpplease123]

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

@Cakeandusername Thank you!

I suppose if you put a lid on the cot that might work 😆. Although then you might be opening yourself up to another set of issues.....

How did taking him downstairs with you this morning go op?

3 year olds scream quite a bit

My three year old is still in a cot - she still thrashes around so much that she would fall out of a bed. But her cot is designed with two removable bars that mean she can get out if she wants to. She also still has milk in the morning and before bed on the advice of her nutritionist. She doesn't scream for milk though. If she wakes up before it's ready she calls for me then says "I want my milk".

Mine's a cat today. It's going to be a long day.

It’s never occurred to either of mine to climb out of the cot – they’ve climbed curtains, Christmas trees and kitchen cupboards but not the cot. Kept DD in till well past three and will do the same with DS; I don’t mess with sleep when it’s working! They’ve always just woken up and bellowed until matters were resolved to their satisfaction or, if already transferred to our bed after a nightmare or something, woken us with a good sit on the head while chirping “wake UP it MORNING it BREAKFAST”.

My toddler has breakfast in her pyjamas then gets washed, dressed and teeth brushed. She doesn't own a dressing gown.

I felt the same reading this report. Absolutely shocking. There is some real bottom of the barrel parenting going on in this country.

Just in my experience, I have seen children of friends and family from outside the UK (various countries in Europe and Asia) there is a marked difference between DCs general behaviour and abilities, as well as attitudes towards parenting.

That report is such depressing reading. And as someone whose DC is really struggling with toilet training despite huge efforts from them and us, it's really disheartening to know we're likely to be mentally lumped in with that bottom of the barrel because all people will see at first glance is a non-toilet-trained child and assume the likeliest explanation.

That report is truly very depressing. Has there been a thread on it does anyone know?

Why not take him down and he has his milk downstairs whilst you make the hot drinks. Then (I presume you have staircases) you leave him downstairs whilst you take a cuppa up to other half, then come back down for breakfast with toddler. If you're taking it in turns, it's a fair set up.

Not helpful. I would say a fair few almost 3 year olds are still in pull ups at night. And even if not most kids that age will call for their parents to help them to the toilet in the night. She isn’t asking for help about the cot.

Take him with you?! Doesn’t need two of you getting milk, he doesn’t want to be alone!

Too old to be in a cot imo.

Mine are 5 and 6 and the first thing we have always done is have a hot drink when we wake up. However, I would just bring him downstairs with you I don’t see the big deal there personally. Quick walk down the stairs and then back up again. He then sees that it needs to be made and isn’t instant. Maybe do it a few times and he might not be as impatient. I would think at almost 3 he should be able to walk up and downstairs independently, so if he can’t it’s good practise.

How does he have the milk? Why does an almost 3 year old need warm milk in presumably a bottle? Genuinely sounds like he’s got some additional needs does he do anything else concerning?

I might be missing something but if you know roughly when he wakes up then can’t you have the drink ready for him?

Yeah, but the UK is American in its mentality, not European or Asian.

Get a baby gate on the stairs both upstairs and down 🙈

Bless you, I don't think you are doing anything wrong he is just hangery!

I was a nursery teacher for many years and sometimes this happens and the screaming almost becomes a routine for them. Some how you need to break the screaming routine. Use a cow teddy that he can bring to you to indicate his needs, he is maybe too hungry to verbalise. You could also try getting some toys where he can role play daddy or mummy going downstairs, pouring milk, then bring back up the stairs. This might be too much, so it could be as simple as making up a song or finding a song that you sing about drinking milk/waiting for milk that you could listen to (Iwouldn't use the phone/ipad at that time in the morning).

Speak to him before the morning about what you will do, make it special and calm so he will understand what will happen. Good luck.

Perhaps from a 3 year old point of view he just sees one of you disappear. They don't have much concept of time at 3 years old. And oddly enough it could be separation anxiety. Both of mine had it badly around this age.

So perhaps explain that the drink can't come immediately. If anything I'd say it's normal brain development. He's discovered that the milky drink comes from somewhere... he's not sure where or how long it takes.

Perhaps he just needs to SEE you getting the drinks ready to understand that this is where you've disappeared to.

I'd let him start screaming and then say, come downstairs to get the milk? Come with me? Pick him up and take him down.

And then let him SEE that it takes time to go down the stairs. Maybe count the stairs as you go down. And count out the seconds it takes to make the milk drinks. "Shall we get the milk out of the fridge?"

I'd just take him down a few times and once he understands oh this is where it comes from, and it takes few minutes to be made, he'll maybe connect the dots and realise he has to wait upstairs for one of you to do it.

Brains at 3 aren't able to understand time. They see you. Then they don't see you. In their little minds, you have disappeared - forever. Until they see you again.

It's like trying to explain it to a dog - but you can't. The dog won't understand and gets anxious when its owner goes out. Where have they done. When will they come back? Why aren't they here? When will I see them again?

The concept of time is a very human one. Fortunately he'll develop well beyond a dog and will soon understand that M&D haven't disappeared, they're simply in the kitchen!

For what it's worth, you're not mad to get changed before going down to breakfast, despite what some of these posters might (very vehemently!) say. It's what we've always done. Without food as bribery there's no fecking way we'd be able to get them dressed!

My 2.5 year old wakes up and says "mummy can we go downstairs please" or "mummy can we go in the bedroom to see daddy"
I walk in front of her down the stairs but she goes up and down on her own.
Sounds like you are holding him back developmentally?