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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wish I said something at the time

284 replies

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 20:56

Today we went to smyths toy shop with my little girl who is 2, we went to buy her a treat since she's been potty trained and nappy free now for a week. She was so excited, roaming around each aisle to see what she wanted. She had picked what she wanted and we just carried on looking, she saw a little girl run past her, this little girl was miles in front of her parents and my little girl would make friends with a brick wall, she is so social. My little girl thinks this girl is racing, so she instantly runs with her, I of course run after my little girl and the parents have obviously caught up and with their child. When I turn the corner my daughter has run round, the girl she chased was pushing her saying "get away girl, go away now" I heard the parents saying their child's name and stop it before I turned round the corner.

But I was a bit taken a back, it was a silly innocent thing. But in that moment I just thought what a nasty child. My daughter was being harmless. I just grabbed her hand and said come on let's go now and pay for your toy. But it's really bothered me all day and I wish I'd of said something because I feel so bad my daughter has just been plodding along and then randomly gets pushed and told to get away. The parents didn't even say sorry. If my child did that I'd be so apologetic. I just feel so sad in that spilt second that she was there without me and she's getting pushed. It's really upset me

OP posts:
DressOrSkirt · 02/02/2025 00:04

YABU
What do you have said? That you're child deserves to stomp on bounties?

Rugs1 · 02/02/2025 00:04

explain to your daughter about running away and trying to play with someone who doesn’t want to play.

don’t call the other child ‘nasty’. She was protecting her boundaries and her parents shouldn’t have to deal with that.

i have toddler twins and i wouldn’t let them run away or get in someone’s space like that, I don’t think they are perfect, so I tell them to walk and stay beside me, and I watch them carefully

Stravaig · 02/02/2025 00:05

OP, What you should have/could have/I'd have said to the other parents, as you caught up is — 'Sorry! This one's mine, she escaped, I hope your wee one wasn't too scared at being chased.' Then start telling DD off for chasing the other girl, and for running away from you, as you led her away. No big deal, just everyday parent stuff.

No-one here is bothered by what the 2 year olds were doing. Both escaped, yours chased, the other pushed; they're being normal toddlers. Almost everyone is bothered by your reaction: your focus is on the wrong things.

Tobycarvery11 · 02/02/2025 00:05

Nobody is saying that is what happened because we weren't there, but neither were you and you have to be open to the idea that your child might not have been as innocent as you believe they were. Hey they may well have done nothing, but you don't seem to be able to accept the possibility it was retaliation.

purpleme12 · 02/02/2025 00:05

@Shannon9955 There are many people who haven't agreed with you but also haven't made any comments about your daughter chasing or running or that she did something to be pushed or any of that. And have been more progmatic.

Sometimes you have to filter out the posts on here.

(But that doesn't mean only listening to ones who 100 per cent agree with what you're saying)

peachystormy · 02/02/2025 00:06

IrritableVowel · 01/02/2025 21:56

It is 2 little girls being 2 little girls.

Their little girl shouldn't have run off
Your little girl shouldn't have run off
Both sets of parent should have had them by the hand
The other girl shouldn't have pushed yours
Her parents should have told her not to (they did)
You should have told yours not to run off (you did)
There is no harm done.

There will be a day in soft play or nursery when your little girl sends someone flying. You'll tell her not to, explain it's not nice. You won't appreciate the other mother calling her nasty.

They are all just learning.

Most sensible comment on this whole thread

TotalDramarama24 · 02/02/2025 00:07

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:33

I'll inform my child from tomorrow to apologise for thinking she was in a race in a toy shop and got carried away and ran alongside someone. I'll make sure she understands this and says sorry for just running

Why would she even think she was in a race in a toy shop just because a complete stranger was running though? So yes you do need to teach her that not everyone is her friend or will welcome her joining in with whatever they are doing. But as far as today goes, it was a non event and no need to overthink it. When kids go to nursery they get pushed all the time.

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 02/02/2025 00:08

Tobycarvery11 · 02/02/2025 00:05

Nobody is saying that is what happened because we weren't there, but neither were you and you have to be open to the idea that your child might not have been as innocent as you believe they were. Hey they may well have done nothing, but you don't seem to be able to accept the possibility it was retaliation.

You really are pushing the narrative of my 2 year old being a monster aren't you. You really are continuing to make me seem an incompetent parent for the 3 seconds I wasn't in eye shot of my child

OP posts:
tilypu · 02/02/2025 00:09

This makes no sense to me.

The girl was miles ahead of her parents, yet you caught up in two seconds and the parents had caught up with their child first?

Original poster
Shannon9955 · 02/02/2025 00:10

@TotalDramarama24 maybe because she's 2 and that's probably how a 2 year olds mind works. Sees more than one child running and thinks it's a game

OP posts:
Onabench · 02/02/2025 00:10

Shannon9955 · 01/02/2025 21:38

@Overthebow I'm sorry, but what parenting tips do you have that kids are so well behaved and stay by your side 24/7. Please give the tips of this

Tips? Hand holding is pretty effective, nothing modern...
Mine is six and hand holding is almost always happening. At age 2 it was non negotiable and enforced always, everywhere

purpleme12 · 02/02/2025 00:11

Maybe it might be time to just step away from the thread now OP

Butchyrestingface · 02/02/2025 00:11

Shannon9955 · 02/02/2025 00:08

You really are pushing the narrative of my 2 year old being a monster aren't you. You really are continuing to make me seem an incompetent parent for the 3 seconds I wasn't in eye shot of my child

Show quote history

Such hyperbole over absolutely nuffink.

Go and have a nice cup of tea and calm down.

hideawayforever · 02/02/2025 00:12

your two year old child joined in running with another older child, don't you know this makes her out of control and stomping on boundaries and that she deserves to be pushed, it also makes you a terrible mother......only on mumsnet can people villify a 2 year old for daring to join in playing with another child.

Rugs1 · 02/02/2025 00:14

Please forget about it, they were both just being kids. Enjoy rest of the weekend. These things happen, toddler years are not easy and they forget about things a lot quicker than us parents.

Stravaig · 02/02/2025 00:14

When I turn the corner my daughter has run round, the girl she chased was pushing her saying "get away girl, go away now" I heard the parents saying their child's name and stop it before I turned round the corner.

From the opening post.
OP says she was around the corner (so couldn't see);
OP says her DD chased the girl;
OP says the other child's parents told their child to stop it.

No one is inventing things to make OP or DD look bad.

Merrygoround8 · 02/02/2025 00:18

My daughter would be really unnerved if someone started running beside her out of nowhere. Whilst I don’t think she would push; I can’t say for sure how she’d react in the moment as an alarmed 3 year old learning communication and boundaries around playing (much like your daughter is).

I also would have told her to stop if she pushed but I’m not sure I’d have said sorry. Don’t obsess over this.

You will quickly learn that the “oh they are sooo social and sooo sweet” 2 year olds become very overbearing 6 year olds who don’t have boundaries around play if you don’t start to teach her this now.

its never nice to see your child be pushed but you need to see this as a learning experience for you both.

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 02/02/2025 00:21

You are really overreacting.

I've had 3 2 year olds.

SouthLondonMum22 · 02/02/2025 00:23

Shannon9955 · 02/02/2025 00:03

The other child was allowed to run in the shop, the other child was allowed to push. But god forbid my child ran for all of 10 seconds

Both children shouldn't have been running in the shop. She also shouldn't have pushed.

Not a big deal at all really. Kids will be kids, especially young ones.

WilfredsPies · 02/02/2025 00:31

I get this. It’s horrible seeing a child you love trying to be friendly with another child and that child not reciprocating or, worse, being quite forceful in asserting their own boundaries. It hurts you because you know your child is just trying to be nice and it’s like watching a bit of their innocence knocked out of them when they start to understand that not everyone wants to be their friend.

I always find that distraction is the way to go, and then later on explain that some children don’t want to play with children they don’t know, but my first reaction is always one of protectiveness and thinking that the other child is clearly a little monster for not immediately seeing that the child I love is as adorable as I find them. Obviously this reaction is completely insane, especially as the child I love does his fair share of not wanting to play with others. But it’s there.

Take a deep breath and remember that the other child is just a toddler too, and that she’s still learning, just the same as yours is. And tomorrow, it’s just as likely that yours will clobber someone else’s precious baby for absolutely no sensible reason whatsoever.

Mnetcurious · 02/02/2025 00:37

“feel so bad my daughter has just been plodding along and then randomly gets pushed and told to get away”

She wasn’t “plodding along” - you said she was chasing the other girl. It wasn’t a “random” push, it was in response to being chased - the other child may have felt scared or uncomfortable and pushed her away on instinct (not that pushing is ok, but quite normal for a young child in this situation).
Not all children are as sociable as yours and don’t always like other children trying to play with them.

TotalDramarama24 · 02/02/2025 00:37

It's not quite the same but I went for a run by the lake earlier and a woman smiled and was trying to run alongside me with her dog. Every fibre in my body wanted to push her away into the lake so I do sympathise with the little girl and other fellow unsociable people.

justthatreallyagain · 02/02/2025 00:41

It appears this is normal for you but you have to remeber a 2 year old is roughly the same size as another two year old - so the equivalent of another adult suddenly breaking into sprint and chasing you. She was probably frightened. You think two two year olds running how cute - the other two year old became distressed by your daughter invading her personal space what exactly could you say?

Tobycarvery11 · 02/02/2025 00:46

Shannon9955 · 02/02/2025 00:08

You really are pushing the narrative of my 2 year old being a monster aren't you. You really are continuing to make me seem an incompetent parent for the 3 seconds I wasn't in eye shot of my child

Show quote history

No I'm really not, I have a 2 year old daughter myself. I'm simply trying to say it's a possibility. And a 2 year old pushing another child isn't "monstrous" anyway it's normal toddler behaviour, which is exactly the point. You're being a massive drama queen.

Newname25 · 02/02/2025 00:56

2 year olds really should be in a buggy or holding rhr parents hands, not running loose in s toy shop