Wish I said something at the time

[Shannon9955]

Today we went to smyths toy shop with my little girl who is 2, we went to buy her a treat since she's been potty trained and nappy free now for a week. She was so excited, roaming around each aisle to see what she wanted. She had picked what she wanted and we just carried on looking, she saw a little girl run past her, this little girl was miles in front of her parents and my little girl would make friends with a brick wall, she is so social. My little girl thinks this girl is racing, so she instantly runs with her, I of course run after my little girl and the parents have obviously caught up and with their child. When I turn the corner my daughter has run round, the girl she chased was pushing her saying "get away girl, go away now" I heard the parents saying their child's name and stop it before I turned round the corner.

But I was a bit taken a back, it was a silly innocent thing. But in that moment I just thought what a nasty child. My daughter was being harmless. I just grabbed her hand and said come on let's go now and pay for your toy. But it's really bothered me all day and I wish I'd of said something because I feel so bad my daughter has just been plodding along and then randomly gets pushed and told to get away. The parents didn't even say sorry. If my child did that I'd be so apologetic. I just feel so sad in that spilt second that she was there without me and she's getting pushed. It's really upset me

OP would you mind being slightly more clear. Your posts range from a few seconds, to two seconds, to three seconds to ten seconds. Then it was your kid was in your sight the whole time to your kid was around the corner.

You seem to be changing the story to suit your narrative which I think is causing some backlash.

I think you are just struggling to see it from their perspective. So your little girl is very friendly and sociable, but not everyone is. She's only little and still learning, but you do need to teach her that not everyone wants to make friends with everyone they see, and it can make other children uncomfortable. I have a child like this, who needed reminding that other people need some space or might not want to play. I also have a child who was like the other little girl, very shy and found strangers running after her/beside her/trying hard to force an interaction she really didn't want to take part in was scary for her and while she never pushed anyone she would have been upset in this situation. Her parents did tell her to stop, but you could also tell yours to stop as well , I used to point out to mine "oh I don't think he wants to play, let's give him some space" and redirect. She wasn't bad, but the little girl was also not bad just overwhelmed.

Do you take her to playgroup? Kids push each other all the time. There's really no need to judge the other kid by calling her nasty. It's such a horrible word to use on a little kid. She wasn't enjoying what your daughter was doing and couldn't articulate it properly in the moment. She was asserting her boundaries that your daughter was trampling, just has she hasn't learnt to be respectful of other kids boundaries yet. Neither kids deserved to be told of or humiliated or made to apologise.

Some parents think that all kids act like they are at a mad rave where everyone has taken an E, but actually lots of kids don't want other people's children in their face all the time. My kid couldn't enjoy rhyme time the other day because some girl was chasing him around non stop. He felt completely harassed. He hid behind a bookcase to avoid her. I wanted the kid to leave him alone but I didn't judge her because she was a little kid. The other parents would feel pretty bad if they knew you were calling her nasty after the fact, especially if she was neurodiverse or feeling harrassed and couldn't think how to get her away in the heat of the moment. No kid is nasty. Imagine if they were calling your kid an obnoxious dimwit behind her back? Doesn't feel nice. No she shouldn't have pushed but she will learn to use her words instead one day, then you would need to take your child away from her and teach her about boundaries.

I can understand you wanting to stick up for your dd but she also needs to be taught resilience. My sister was wrapped in cotton wool by dm and now in any form of debate she plays the victim. She can't take criticism. So put it down to a life skill. When she starts school she will need to deal with the class bully, being left out of games, falling out with friends and not being invited to birthday parties. Also next year watch her being mean to her younger sibling. It's all a sad part of kids development.

You could hold her hand ? kids running round in shops is annoying.

Lots of would of , should of , could of here 😬

I do hope not. Would have, should have, could have - maybe.

Why are you letting your child run around a shop and irritating another child? children are allowed to stand up for themselves and having worked in a Nursery for years this is how kids speak to each other! Maybe in future hold your DD’s hand round the shop and tell her to be aware that not every kid wants to play while spending time with their own family.

YABU. Your daughter isn't entitled to be friends with anybody she chooses. And all children don't have to embrace everybody that foists themselves upon them either.

I can see why you felt a bit sad @Shannon9955. Your little DD was getting a special treat and excited. Then she ended up being pushed away.

But other little kids don’t always know how to be polite. Kids who aren’t used to younger kids can find them annoyingly babyish. I wouldn’t describe a young child as nasty. They’re just still learning how to behave. And her parents told her to stop. They perhaps should have apologised to your DD or you, but were maybe a bit embarrassed.

Does your DD go to nursery or anywhere without you? If so, she’ll be used to dealing with other kids. If not, she will soon enough. For a confident, friendly child as your DD seems to be, other kids being less friendly is water off a duck’s back.

Hey OP i haven't read all of the replies but I read the OP i completely understand, it's heartbreaking when you beautiful happy innocent child first gets a taste of bullying or mean behaviour, when she is a bit older you can begin to teach her that unfortunately about 50% of humans are bad and that's life (mumsnet is a shining example)

Agreed, the parents should have not let their daughter run loose if they knew she was a mean girl (but then they probably wanted 5 mins away from her!)

Sounds like both kids behaved- like kids. The child that pushed yours wasn’t ‘nasty’, any more than your child was ‘badly behaved for running off’. Kids get excited and run off, and kids will push other kids when they’re annoyed/upset- they haven’t anywhere near learnt to regulate their emotions yet, its many years of good parenting (plus them simply growing and developing) that will teach them how to do this. All sounds normal- except your reaction, calling this other child nasty, and dwelling on this all day. Fine to say to your child ‘You shouldn’t run off, and maybe that little girl didn’t want to play, but she shouldn’t have pushed you, I heard her mum/dad tell her that. Are you ok? Cool, let’s go and pay for this toy….’ Literally could have been the end of it.

There maybe a parent somewhere wishing they’d dealt with a situation differently and asked their child to apologise, they did at least tell her off for pushing so aren’t entirely irresponsible. She maybe didn’t want to be raced/followed and lashed out. She shouldn’t have but sadly your daughter will learn that not everyone is sociable and wants to play. Hopefully she hasn’t let it upset her.

It's just horrible for a grown adult to call a little innocent child "nasty".

That child could have been overwhelmed, frightened being chased, have SEN. Pushing is not acceptable but they're far too young for that sort of emotional regulation.

You're making out the kid is a budding serial killer and the parents should have been profusely apologetic - that's nasty.

@Shannon9955 oh, I've been there too! I understand perfectly the sense of even sadness that your little child has been "mistreated". It's intense!
Now that I'm past the toddler phase, and my girl would be the one doing the pushing maybe 😬, I have some perspective on it.
I remember being in the park with my enthusiastic 2 year old, who was very interested in older kids, and thinking "who could not love her?!". But then when she grew up, I understood that all are phases.
Neither your sweet little one nor the other older girl were doing nothing wrong: they were being children.
As long as your toddler was fine (and I'm sure she was), you don't have to worry. You can say something like "oops, it seems this girl needs space/doesn't want to play now, let's go play ourselves" or something similar. And also say something like "best without pushing, because she is still little and just wanted to play" (or similar age appropiate thing to the other child, so that you also make it clear to your dd that it's not okay for her to be pushed!).

I can't believe there is a full 10 page thread about such a complete none issue! (Yes I am aware I am contributing 😆).
I can't believe OP is thinking about this hours after the event, I can only assume she lives a very sheltered life with her child.

In a few years OP will be wishing she understood the importance of encouraging her child from an early age to protect their boundaries by saying No when they are not comfortable with a situation, just like this child was doing.

For all you know, your DD pushed first while you couldn’t see her.

my child is autistic. If your child got in his personal space he would find that very distressing, and might push her away. And no I wouldn’t apologise to you when your child was the one getting in his space.

"When I turn the corner my daughter has run round, the girl she chased was pushing her saying "get away girl, go away now"

Perhaps it's because that's what you said?

@Shannon9955 I'd log off Mumsnet now and rest ASSURED that if the other parents post a thread on here saying 'our DD pushed a smaller child - we feel that was totally justified and no apology was due as she was just expressing her boundaries' they will get their asses handed to them by the exact same posters here saying that it's not OK to allow children to use force, even if they're annoyed.

You can't, and you won't, win. Some people just like to be superior and an anonymous forum is the perfect outlet for that.

There's nothing more tedious than other people's "sociable" children. It's like when people have dogs off lead and let them run up to other people saying "it's ok! He's friendly!"

Yeah well, I'm not. My children are ASD and have always hated being approached by random children trying to force them to play. Next time keep your child under control, problem solved.

I think everyone knows who the actual "mean girl" is

You really need to start getting used to this. You can't control other people's kids. You can't even control your own kid 100% of the time (no one can). Sometimes things will happen. Sometimes your kid will be the innocent one, sometimes she won't. You need to learn how to deal with it all , teach her whatever lesson she needs to learn and move on without making a massive drama of it.

She will meet all kinds of children, some will actually be nasty and for longer than 20 seconds.