Wish I said something at the time

[Shannon9955]

Today we went to smyths toy shop with my little girl who is 2, we went to buy her a treat since she's been potty trained and nappy free now for a week. She was so excited, roaming around each aisle to see what she wanted. She had picked what she wanted and we just carried on looking, she saw a little girl run past her, this little girl was miles in front of her parents and my little girl would make friends with a brick wall, she is so social. My little girl thinks this girl is racing, so she instantly runs with her, I of course run after my little girl and the parents have obviously caught up and with their child. When I turn the corner my daughter has run round, the girl she chased was pushing her saying "get away girl, go away now" I heard the parents saying their child's name and stop it before I turned round the corner.

But I was a bit taken a back, it was a silly innocent thing. But in that moment I just thought what a nasty child. My daughter was being harmless. I just grabbed her hand and said come on let's go now and pay for your toy. But it's really bothered me all day and I wish I'd of said something because I feel so bad my daughter has just been plodding along and then randomly gets pushed and told to get away. The parents didn't even say sorry. If my child did that I'd be so apologetic. I just feel so sad in that spilt second that she was there without me and she's getting pushed. It's really upset me

yeh its you.

No, it's best not to say anything. I know it's frustrating to see one's child slighted or seemingly picked on by another child, but in your case you did the right thing by not saying anything. Although your DD had good intentions by running alongside, it's possible the other child felt chased or threatened in some way which is why she reacted like that.
I usually handle situations like that by talking it through with my DCs and say how unkind it was that's all - or if my DC seemed affected by it I'd role play what happened and again highlight how unkind the other child was and how behaving like that isn't ideal. However, for a 2-year-old she is likely not even going to remember what happened while you're still feeling from all of this. It's important not to project your own adult sensitivities on to your DD. Your role is to help her navigate feelings and the world around her, but it seems as though you're projecting an adult interaction and reaction on two very young children.

I hope you've woken up with a different perspective this morning.

Yesterday you came across as being THAT parent with a perfect, angel child. If you carry on with the same outlook that your daughter is a perfect victim who can do no wrong you won't be doing either of you any favours in the long run.

Absolutely this and obv have parent bias. The other child may be ND for all you know.

It’s similar to how dog owners get angry when ppl get pissed off that their dog has bounded over and scared their kids - they assume everyone knows Rex is ‘soft as fuckin tripe - what’s their problem?!’

I don't believe you have. I've read all your posts and can't see where you've said what you believe you should have said at the time.

You haven't even been clear whether you mean something to the child or the parents.

I'm not going to rein her up at every event unless she gives valid reason to

A valid reason like running off around a corner out of your sight in pursuit of a stranger she wanted to make friends with?

You describe her as wanting to make friends with a brick wall - combine the two things, running away and being friendly towards everybody whilst you also have a baby to take care of makes her a perfect example of exactly why reins are a good idea for safeguarding toddlers and preschoolers.

I'm a primary teacher and have to say that you are showing the signs of being the Mum we all dread.....

...while the kid who pushes and screams at everyone else is I'm sure just a delight to have in the classroom. And I'm also sure that when the parents just shrug every one on here would accept that their child was the one to blame and reprimand them as such. Get over yourselves.

My DCs wouldn't have ever just joined someone running.

I would try and explain boundaries a bit to her, she didn't do anything wrong but you don't want her just running off at random.

Exactly, no one is telling you how to parent, but especially with a baby in tow running after your toddler at a moments notice whilst also pushing a pram is less than ideal. You're taking any form of constructive criticism as a personal attack. People are just saying, consider that you don't know all the facts because you were out of eye shot for a couple of seconds, and perhaps don't just allow her the freedom to run off.

What was a cute moment for you, of your toddler running with another child, was probably a bit scary for the other child (who was presumably a similar sort of age).

Put yourself in the shoes of the other child. If you were minding your own business in a shop, and suddenly become aware of another adult seemingly chasing after you, wouldn't you have told them to stop/go away? And if you'd had the (lack of) social skills that a toddler has, you'd probably have pushed them as well.

Neither child was to blame. Yours was just being a toddler, but the other child wasn't unreasonable to react with fear and annoyance at seemingly being chased by a stranger.

Nope, you really haven’t. I’ve read all your replies. You’ve said you expected the other parents to apologise but you haven’t said what YOU should have done differently. You saying to them something like “aren’t you going to apologise” wouldn’t have helped the situation and would have escalated it.

for what it’s worth I’m not one of the posters who wants to berate you for your child running off, just that the other child is very young too at 4/5 and her parents did tell her off - that child is obviously still learning too. So I don’t think there is anything more that should have been done in this situation so I am curious to know what you think you should have done or said differently.

I don't mean to imply that at all. Your daughter sounds lovely and friendly. But the otherl little girl is not entitled to be chased or play with your child. No she shouldn't have pushed and it sounds like the parents told her to stop pushing etc
We teach children about being allowed to say no to hugs and kisses etc I suppose in this situation that little girl was saying no. But she's a samll child and sometimes small children react by pushing etc it doenst make her nasty.

Thing is she doesn't even know how the interaction started because she was around the corner out of sight momentarily.

For all OP knows her child could have tried to stop the other child running and grabbed her hand or something. It's hard to know because OP keeps changing the story every time someone raises the possibility that the other child might have perceived the interaction differently.

More than one child? I thought just one child. And I've never known a 2 year old just run off alongside a stranger child running in a non-play environment, no

I'm surprised at how many people seem to think it's normal for a 4 year old to push a smaller child. I would crack down very hard on my 3 year old DD if she did anything like that. I also think that thinking the OP should apologise for her DD's behaviour, who was essentially trying to make a friend, is a bit mad.

I wonder if there's a difference in how people are perceiving the push. A gentle hands out to keep the 2 year old at bay is nothing but an aggressive push is pretty weird behaviour imo. OP hasn't really specified tbf.

Once a boy, around 4 or maybe a little older i wasn't really sure, shoved my DD in a supermarket. She was 18month old and went skidding along the floor. She wasn't physically hurt but was shocked and hysterical about it. She kept crying and saying "boy! boy!" 😢 Anyway his mum apologised immediately and grabbed him to drag him away, I felt kinda bad for her actually! But I also thought that OF COURSE she was right to apologise. I would feel horrible if it were the other way around.

There's not enough context. We don't know what triggered the push because OP was out of sight around the corner. (Even though she keeps changing the story).

With that in mind, if for example the trigger was that the OPs child had grabbed hold of the other child to try and stop her from running would you still be saying it wasn't normal for a 4 year old to push?

“So my child can't be herself is what everyone is trying to say? I'll have to tell my TWO year old that not everyone wants to be friends.”

Yes that is right. You teach her about the world.

You need to reverse this… the other child can’t be herself and tell your child to go away…. She didn’t want to be chased, and told your daughter to go away. The end.

Your dd picked the wrong wall to befriend this time and it’s your job to ensure she understands this.

@Curtainqueen yes i would agree with you that if the 2 year old grabbed the other kid then a reactive push would be normal.

I was just going to say that schooldays will be long and onerous for this OP!!

@Gastore I'm a Primary School teacher too and after your unprofessional comment, I imagine you're the kind of Teacher that all the Parents dread!

What if this had happened on the street, and she had run into busy traffic? My 2 year olds were in buggies!

Proving my point of the 50%. In case you haven't realised, you and the other haters, the little girl isn't reading this post, I'm replying to the OP and providing her my opinion and trying to help her with anxiety My nature is to not try and make others feel shit about themselves for honest posts or personal opinions (like the 50%)

I meant to quote the roses roses post!

And another one.....