Fed up of mils rules in show home it's ridiculous

[ShowHouse]

I'm absolutely fed up of going to mils and feeling totally constrained by the atmosphere and feelings in the house. I think it's crossing a line where I don't want to visit anymore.

Examples she stands over us to watch us taking our shoes off and I feel she's enjoying it like a control thing.
We can't freely say go into the snug or wander around we are directed by fil to a table.
Then we have a fan fare of tea and her cake where she comments on crumbs and how we mustn't damage her stuff.
Every move feels watched, dh could never go into the fridge for instance or make tea our visits our "managed".
I feel completely at home at my dp and don't feel any constraints at all, I would walk in and make dm tea etc.

She's also complained about dd jumping off a sofa and other dc and I just think why bother.

And? Why haven't they been raised to know they shouldn't be doing it?

Yes this. Her house her rules and I wouldn't let children jump on the furniture either.

amazed by people suggesting your mil is being reasonable!

our DC (3) is a crumb making whirlwind who may well try and have a sofa bounce (and be strictly reminding that it’s unacceptable and wouldn’t try it again. Kids are chancers.

Do you genuinely not know why someone would be annoyed at kids jumping off the sofa? Come on
Shirty? Jumping off the sofa. Yes I’d be annoyed and I’d make my displeasure known, I’d radiate disapproval and I’d say something to you and the kids

No not really, firstly we have ikea sofas with washable covers and the dc occasionally play hot lava where they jump from sofa to chair and ottoman to avoid the "lava",floor.
No damage or problems have ever occurred due to this.

Just say OP “You come to us next time as I feel the kids are a bit feral for you at your lovely home!”

But why don’t they know that they can’t do it in other people’s homes?

I don't mind if my adult kids do this in my house but I wouldn't do it at my parents'. Different generations perhaps or different outlooks. I'd never presume in someone else's house that it's OK to go in their fridge. I wouldn't do it in one of my adult kids' houses either - I'd ask them if there was something I particularly wanted and it hadn't been offered. At that point they might say, just help yourself, but if they don't then I stay out of their fridge.

Just accept they aren't happy about it and control your children.
Invite them home, to the park, the Zoo, a meal out - whatever you like. If they say no that's life.

Jumping off a sofa is not the same as using the sofa like a trampoline and jumping repeatedly on it.

Outwith this behaviour is she nice to you all? Is she warm, caring, loving, interested in what you have to say, your life etc?

Exactly. Play floor is lava in your own house sure.

If I ever go to my mum’s or MILs I’m shooed away from the fridge because I’m a guest and “If you want anything I’ll make it for you myself!”. I always come away half a stone heavier they’re a right pair of feeders 😂

If she refuses to go to yours or accept food or drink there, you either have a grubby house or she has some sort of OCD.

Shoes on in the house is disgusting after walking In God knows what in them so I understand her point there.

Either way this is an issue for your partner to deal with. If he’s bothered he needs to bring it up with his mum.

It's a control thing - at your house, you're in charge and thats what she doesn't like. She wants to be in control, as you rightly said.

Just don't go there - especially if you're not enjoying it. Life is short and it's meant to be enjoyable

It’s not that different

Its having their feet and using it not for sitting

We have been in many other people's houses and they have never done it. I don't know why they did it but obviously it's a heinous act!

Me too.
I have made the odd cup of coffee at mil's , but normally she's so happy to see us, and likes fussing around making everyone a brew

That sounds suffocating and oppressive.

You still don't do it then you visit other peoples' houses. You sit at the sofaes.

Ok, the kids do this at home and assume it’s okay elsewhere
It isn’t
Can you genuinely not see the issue, it’s really not ok. This is their routine play and they expect it’s ok elsewhere, it’s not about fil it’s about habit and what they consider ok as they don’t experience a sanction or disapproval at home for Sofa jumping

It’s good to teach children that in other peoples homes there’s different rules, and that it’s different to our home, and you have to respect that

It could damage the sofa

@JandamiHash it's very different because it may break the springs. One innocent jump off is a different catagory of crime.

(Unless you're Tom Cruise)