Fed up of mils rules in show home it's ridiculous

[ShowHouse]

I'm absolutely fed up of going to mils and feeling totally constrained by the atmosphere and feelings in the house. I think it's crossing a line where I don't want to visit anymore.

Examples she stands over us to watch us taking our shoes off and I feel she's enjoying it like a control thing.
We can't freely say go into the snug or wander around we are directed by fil to a table.
Then we have a fan fare of tea and her cake where she comments on crumbs and how we mustn't damage her stuff.
Every move feels watched, dh could never go into the fridge for instance or make tea our visits our "managed".
I feel completely at home at my dp and don't feel any constraints at all, I would walk in and make dm tea etc.

She's also complained about dd jumping off a sofa and other dc and I just think why bother.

Does she twitch when she's in your grubby house and has to perch on your trashed sofa?

I dont expect people to take their shoes off in my house but i have no problem doing it in other people's houses. It is a bit odd if she stands and watches you, but maybe she sees that you dont think much of her house rules and you dont control the kids properly, so she doesnt want them going off into other rooms where they might be destructive.

You for things different - fair enough.
Don't go if you don't want to. If you do go relax and keep your child under control.

Theres no right or wrong to it, I dont like it or allow it, who cares what 'most families' do.

Shows off is polite. (It’s unusual dh grew up shoes off and now is happy to walk round the house with shoes on, doesn’t feel relaxing for most people).

no child should jump on any furniture, at all. Ever. Not even your own, it’s quite dangerous as well as risks damaging the furniture.

Why is your kid jumping on her furniture?

Poor excuse for allowing your child to jump off the sofa

Also OP, can you solve the problem by inviting her over to you regularly? Might just be easier until dd is older.

Debris isn’t inevitable, debris sounds like piles,lumps,mashed in. Crumbs, etc fine.debris , no
Your kids jumping on sofa,you need to get them told No we don’t do that, take toys to distract them with. Get a strategy Intervene before they get hyper, really you need to get them out that habit.

Fil gets dc whipped up into excitement but has no where to go with it, the get on a sofa and jump off

What absolute rubbish. There's plenty other options than jumping on/off furniture. You're making excuses for their behaviour. They're right to be annoyed about that

If you don’t usually bother to take your shoes off and happily ignore your kids jumping on the furniture, maybe she feels the need to ‘manage’ your visits in case her house gets trashed? She sounds a bit uptight, but if your definition of a ‘relaxed’ house is being able to do as you please despite how bad mannered it may be, then you’ll probably never see eye to eye 🤷‍♀️

I can never understand "shoes on" households, think of all the dirt you're bringing in all over your floors 😐
Agree with previous people, you shouldn't let your kids jump on other people's furniture, it's really rude. Take him out in the garden or for a walk to blow off steam.

Control your child (obviously that extends to child’s father)

Dont visit her if you don’t want to 🤷‍♀️

What would you expect her to do while you are taking your shoes off? I wouldn't go wandering around someone else's house, and I wouldn't let y kids stand on their furniture either.

Just to be as clear as I can, they are both extremely well behaved and they are not charging in and tearing around, bouncing off the furniture. It was mire fil deliberately whipping them up and they stood on the sofa and jumped off.
Mil swiftly put a stop to it and they sat back down.
It's not like they won't do as they are told and being uncontrollable.

What do you mean you're "shoes on" you're trampling dog shit everywhere take them off!

I’m a shoes on house. I don’t go splashing around in dirt, I wipe shoes on the mat.

Also, germs are good

Why did they think it was ok in the first place? Do they jump off your sofa??

She's having to keep a close eye on you because she thinks that the type of people who don't teach their kids not to jump off furniture also haven't taught their kids table manners. Why don't you meet elsewhere like a day out at a zoo where you'll feel more at home?

I'd be watching someone who had kids jumping on my furniture as well!

We are also a 'no treading germs and muck through the house' household.

<sniggers>

A bit mean but that made me chuckle

It's no bad thing for children to have a bit of exposure to some strictness, and learn that there are different rules in different places.

They were under fils eye when the jump incident happened.
Why would people get shirty over it.

Unfortunately they don't like coming to our house, we have invited them.
They won't accept any offers of tea or snacks and don't seem comfortable.

They sound really inhospitable, especially this bit:

Then we have a fan fare of tea and her cake where she comments on crumbs and how we mustn't damage her stuff.

Agree with everyone else re the jumping off furniture but the rest sounds awful. Very difficult not to visit such close family though.

Absolutely.

We are pretty free and easy in our house but I’ve never ever allowed the kids to jump off furniture. I can’t bear when their friends come over and start climbing all over the sofa.

Per everyone else, your kids shouldn't be jumping on any furniture.

Watching for crumbies is a bit much. If you entertain, you should expect some cleaning up afterwards. You should make a joke about eating it over the sink instead lol.

I can wonder round my PIL's house if I wanted, but why would I?! We're either in the kitchen or living room, where else do I need to go? I can also help myself to a drink.

It does sound a bit regimented, but you should make the effort if they're otherwise nice people. Surely it's only an hour or two every now and again?