Fed up of mils rules in show home it's ridiculous

[ShowHouse]

I'm absolutely fed up of going to mils and feeling totally constrained by the atmosphere and feelings in the house. I think it's crossing a line where I don't want to visit anymore.

Examples she stands over us to watch us taking our shoes off and I feel she's enjoying it like a control thing.
We can't freely say go into the snug or wander around we are directed by fil to a table.
Then we have a fan fare of tea and her cake where she comments on crumbs and how we mustn't damage her stuff.
Every move feels watched, dh could never go into the fridge for instance or make tea our visits our "managed".
I feel completely at home at my dp and don't feel any constraints at all, I would walk in and make dm tea etc.

She's also complained about dd jumping off a sofa and other dc and I just think why bother.

@laraitopbanana we can't relax in our home with them here, she's extremely critical, they sit looking uncomfortable and won't eat or drink.

Because of how they are I don't trust it's because our louse is too unclean. I think it's because it's quite nice and she doesn't like it.
Fils parents came over once tears ago for a dc party and mils mil kept saying how nice our decor was and liked this and tst8, mil actually sulked.
When we have gone somewhere neutral, not deliberately but just how it worked out they repeatedly kept saying we must go to their house.

Gosh. Sounds like you’re not a fan of your in laws and are finding fault in everything they do. Perhaps even seeing things that aren’t there.
Obviously they enjoy your company otherwise you wouldn’t continue to get invites to their house. You acknowledge yourself that she simply asked the children to stop jumping off the sofa. This doesn’t sound like she overreacted and your children listened, so are you perhaps the only one who’s thought anything more of it than what it was?

I think your comments about the BBQ seem particularly mean and bitter. My dad is in his 70s and has no reason to “watch” what he spends but he grew up in a large family in the 50s where money was tight. It’s engrained in him to save money and find the best value items. He doesn’t particularly notice or appreciate the taste of more expensive options. I doubt she is deliberately bragging about how cheap the food was to say “you’re not worth spending more money on”, she genuinely thinks she’s found a good deal and perhaps is making conversation.
In any event I would simply suggest that if you dislike it that much, you start to reduce the number of times you visit them and leave you husband to do the visits with the children. Its quite simple really.

Oh yeah.

jaleousy and control issues. It is sad women can be so domineering to feel valued or just seen.

honestly. Just don’t bother. Don’t communicate with her or answer at all. Block her if you need to. You do your thing, let dp invite his mum when he wants AND handle her if she decides to come. Coffee? Cake? Tea?...let him do Everything and tell her HE did.
that should shut her up. If not...your dp can have the fall out and the drama to deal with and figure out himself he maybe doesn’t want his mum to come around that much.

If all did go tits up already...just let him go alone. Block and ignore. Don’t go. Don’t invite.

Good luck 🌺

In your own home, you can do whatever you want. When you're a guest at your in-laws home, that would probably be considered to be rude.

Yeah I wouldn’t want someone rooting though my fridge for the milk or just wondering about my house or garden even.

Mils terrible for it goes out for a fag which is bad enough but then she can’t or won’t just sit she has to wonder all the land and comment on every plant or weed and just be invasive like bindweed.

Don’t get why they watch over the shoes and fil should be to blame for the sofa jump.

Exactly. I shake my head at how some people think it's reasonable for them to have strict boundaries but one else is allowed to place any limits on their behavior.