To think the young are less interested in sex, relationships and children

[Dappy777]

Is it just me or do young people seem less interested in relationships than we were? It isn't so much that the young aren't settling down, more that relationships no longer seem the focus point of their lives. Rather than seeing relationships as life's central joy, they're increasingly viewed as a danger – something that might bring you happiness, but probably won't, and could even ruin your life. There seems to be a similar view of children. The young also seem less interested in sex. Statistically (and how the hell they measure this I don't know) the young really are having less sex.

I might be talking complete nonsense, but if it's true, I wonder why. I guess internet porn would partly explain the loss of interest/desire in young men. Also, when society loosens up about sex, and we're saturated with sexual images, sex no longer feels sexy. As for the declining interest in relationships/family, I'm not so sure. I suppose fear about the future, especially climate change, could partly explain it (why bring a child into a dying world, that kind of thinking). Then I suppose the internet has lifted the lid on the reality of relationships and child-rearing – how difficult they can be, and how much of a toll they can take on your health.

Has anyone else noticed this? I know young people still form relationships, have sex, and raise children. I'm just talking about their general attitude to it all. They seem so much less enthusiastic, so much more reluctant and cynical. Sex and relationships and children are viewed more as 'problems' you need to cope with.

It's stating the obvious but a therapist is going to see a disproportionate amount of people in unhappy relationships because of the nature of her work. Same on here. People talk about problems, not successes.

I think my maternal grandparents' marriage would not have survived these days. My paternal grandparents' marriage might have. My parents were very happily married for over 50 years until my father died.

I'm twenty years in. Lots on here would have told me to go, if they'd known what was going on some years back. I decided to stay, and that has worked out.

In the past, having children was needed by communities as the elderly needed to be supported. Now, in richer countries, people rely on the state to fill that role. In fact the state does this by importing people to shore up its tax base to support its elderly, and I suspect a good many of the same people complain about this.

I have 3 young adults. 20, 18 and 16. Non of them have had a partner so far. Not even a hand holding playground type thing. I do worry it will get harder as they get older

But it’s not their responsibility. You shouldn’t be pushed into something you don’t want because of government inability to budget.

And it wouldn’t be good for the resulting kids either.

I know very well that I’d have absolutely hated being a parent, so my having kids ‘for the greater good’ would have been an utterly terrible idea.

I can understand why young people don't want to have children considering the world we live in, cost of living, housing crisis etc...but if raising children is made so shit and difficult that it puts people off having them totally, is not really a free choice is it? It's a sensible choice considering all factors but it's not a particularly positive choice. We're still mammals at the end of the day with an urge to procreate...

@Dappy777 Yes and it's still in them despite the world changing around them, most of my parents generation of couples are still all together but have had unhappy marriages. Even though it's acceptable to leave now, they can't do it. They seem to feel this shame (about divorcing) and loyalty to their husbands no matter how unhappy they are. Definitely putting everyone elses needs and wants above their own.
I'm so glad women can get out of relationships and marriages much easier now. Life is short, no way should we be unhappy. No way should we put up with grumpy men, sex pest men, critical men.

Oldest (16) definitely interested in relationships, indeed is in one, but says at the moment they don't think they'll want kids and I'm not going to bet that will change.

DS (13) and still more like a kid than a teen is a bit young for all this, but I suspect is the likelier of my two to want to be a parent. Whether he'll get the chance, I don't know. I do feel it's going to be tough out there for his generation - the fact is women are becoming more aware that traditional relationship dynamics offer a good deal for men and a crappy deal for them, so I guess I want to prepare him to offer a better one.

Of my niece and nephew (21 and 19 respectively), I think niece is interested in relationships and imagine kids, nephew much less so, although he is also autistic - not that that rules out an interest in relationship or kids, of course.

And, to be fair, same goes for men. My dad’s dad was a nice old chap - kind, fond of animals, easy going, etc. But my grandmother was a screeching, selfish, self-pitying monster who cheated on him and generally made his life hell. If only he’d left her when he was middle-aged. But, as you say, people just didn’t.

How young are we talking?

I think the reality is modern dating is a shit show but I still think most people want a partner.

But to your point on romantic relationships being a central source of joy - it really depends on your experience.

I found dating and relationships to be my main source of misery.

Once I exited the world of romantic relationships I discovered a sense of peace I had not had in decades.

@Dappy777 You're absolutely right it happens the other way around too. Sad isn't it

What about this?

From ‘couple goals’ to ‘beige flags’, here’s why you shouldn’t take relationship advice from TikTok

Tl/dr modern relationships are performative and to be shared with your TkTok audience: the result is dissatisfaction because nothing in reality measures up.

By Dr Lisa Portolan of Western Sydney University.

The article also talks about 'main character syndrome' which backs up my own point that an increased focus on self makes relationships harder.

The need for replacement population is totally obvious. It’s important we do this. We just complain about others coming in but don’t see the need for our own children who have a much greater allegiance to this country. We are foolish to think immigration is the answer.

@EmpressaurusKittyBella It’s very clear that two people buying a house is easier than one. It reduces the need for building for a start! That’s an important consideration. As would families splitting and needing two houses. Not going to happen but it’s additional pressure on land resources.

Why is the population declining a concern? We don’t (well women don’t) need relationships and partners to reproduce.

But I think mainly young people are realising they don’t have to reproduce and / or they don’t have to settle for poor quality relationships.

Retract consent at a later date? What on earth are you talking about?

That’s super young though. I would have thought most people had never had a partner at that age.

It depends what you mean. I wouldn't think 16 was at all young for a boyfriend / girlfriend depending on the level of seriousness.

I agree that Gen Z seems far less focused on relationships and children. My teenagers (19 and 16) are interested in their education, careers, their hobbies and friendships. DD (19) dates but has no real interest in a LTR right now. DS (16) seems to get on with girls and has said that he’d like a gf one day, but has made no effort to find one!

Personally, I think it’s part of society’s progression since the 1960’s, when the Pill’s introduction finally gave women real control over their fertility. Having that control has led to each generation focusing a little more on what they want to achieve with their lives, rather than finding a partner or having children. After 60-odd years, it’s truly socially acceptable to do this, which is great.

Of course, someone’s priorities may change later in life, but I think it’s healthy to be less relationship-focused when you’re a young adult so that you can achieve some of your own goals before you consider anyone else’s!

I mean I would not find it odd that a 16 year old has never had a boyfriend / girlfriend. That is very young still

It’s very clear that two people buying a house is easier than one. It reduces the need for building for a start! That’s an important consideration.

Yes to the first two, but I don’t think either should be an important consideration when two people are deciding to live together.

As for reducing house building, an end to second homes and ‘investment’ flats being left empty would help with that too. People should only be able to own homes if they’re either going to live in them themselves or rent them to a tenant.

DD2 had a serious boyfriend younger than me, and DD1 at 19 is too busy to have a serious relationship at university and I don't think is bothered- pretty much how I always felt.

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 17, but felt looking back in the 1980s and 1990s that we were creepily sexualised at a young age by a vastly male dominated media and I remember people asking me if I was "courting" from about the age of 13. I knew loads of girls who had sex at far, far too young an age, and several girls were pregnant and left school in Y10 or Y11. If that doesn't go on so much now then great.

If this is true - and I'm not sure that it is - then it's actually very healthy that young people don't see relationships and children as "life's central joy". Because they aren't, necessarily. There are multiple things that can bring joy, and if young people realise that, then it takes the pressure off them to "settle down", and make bad decisions in the process.

Exactly.

www.instagram.com/reel/DFkx5VgIuwX/?igsh=d3E1djVuN3NueTRt

Interesting post on this topic

It just feels that young people can never win in some people's eyes. Teenage pregnancy rates fall dramatically = oh they are not interested in relationships.

Good!

I never wanted to feel tied down, particularly in my 20s (this was in the 1990s) and spent most of my time batting away male attention. When I met DH at 23 I was in no way ready to settle down and it took me a while to even commit to properly going out with him, as I knew how he felt. We didn't get married for five years, I was in no hurry.