Page 13 | … for married couples, to ask what age you stopped having sex?

Thowawayname · 2025-02-01T16:59:08+00:00

To give some context, I’m early-mid 40s, married almost 20 years, one DD just started at Uni. I’d say we’ve always had a good relationship, no financial issues and very comfortable, good careers , so I feel very very fortunate in the grand scheme of things. My question for married or long term couples is what age you stopped having sex? And adding more detail… I had some health issues a few years ago, early onset menopause and now really have close to zero libido. HRT is not an option. I continue to have sex with DH, but we’ve never really discussed my libido issue. I enjoy the closeness. I also know what he likes, and I like pleasing him if that makes sense. I deliberately take the initiative too sometimes, and do make an effort … you know what I mean :) But at the end of the day, it feels like a job, like gardening (which I don’t enjoy), or cooking ( which I don’t enjoy) or emptying the dishwasher!! I guess that bottom line is I’d be happy to not have sex again, not just DH, but with anyone. I can’t really ask many people this in RL. My only sibling is 12 years older than me, and she’s still very active, or so she says. I have some upcoming sessions with a recommended therapist with expertise in this area. This has helped me in other situations in the past. So I’m not especially asking for advice here, just the age question really. Apologies for the long rambling post.

Butterfly292828 · 03/02/2025 20:55

farmlife2 · 03/02/2025 20:35

You can take HRT if you have a uterus but you absolutely must take progesterone with it for the second half of your cycle. That prevents thickening and uterine cancer.

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Hi yes I take combined HRT, my womb is slightly thicker. I meant testosterone!

farmlife2 · 03/02/2025 20:57

WoolySnail · 03/02/2025 20:36

Oh I didn't realise that, that's never happened with my dh. I guess it just shows everyone is different and my advice isn't helpful for everyone x

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It's still a good suggestion. It will work for some people. I remember my mother joking about older men lasting forever. My DH is late 50s and it's proved true for him. The men definitely have their own potential issues as they age.

WoolySnail · 03/02/2025 21:03

farmlife2 · 03/02/2025 20:57

It's still a good suggestion. It will work for some people. I remember my mother joking about older men lasting forever. My DH is late 50s and it's proved true for him. The men definitely have their own potential issues as they age.

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I must admit I've found it very helpful when in the mood but it's just not happening. I think it depends in my cycle where I am. Didn't realise I had lasting forever to look forward to as well 😬

northwestgirl · 03/02/2025 21:51

Iceboy80 · 02/02/2025 17:50

I'm a male in my mid 40s and I can guarantee two things if I were married (not that stupid) but if I were and it was to stop then the two things would be

1, I'd give her time to try and sort it out but if not I would divorce her.

2, Id completely switch off from the relationship, it would be as if we never were.

I would never cheat, I have morals but a man's connection to his partner is through sex if that's gone there really isn't a point, we're not there for the great conversation.

thank you for being so frank
probably a good thing you aren't married

JudithOx · 03/02/2025 22:16

Iceboy80 · 02/02/2025 17:50

I'm a male in my mid 40s and I can guarantee two things if I were married (not that stupid) but if I were and it was to stop then the two things would be

1, I'd give her time to try and sort it out but if not I would divorce her.

2, Id completely switch off from the relationship, it would be as if we never were.

I would never cheat, I have morals but a man's connection to his partner is through sex if that's gone there really isn't a point, we're not there for the great conversation.

Don't worry mate, I'm sure no woman would be with you for your great conversation.

MB34 · 03/02/2025 22:16

Butterfly292828 · 03/02/2025 20:15

Ha where do I get that (but seriously can you take that if you have womb?) I seem to think HRT nurse said no to me as I hadn’t had an hysterectomy.

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I still have my womb. The "accidental" testosterone I got from a private consultant and when I saw an NHS consultant, he let me stay on it but in a different form.

3luckystars · 03/02/2025 22:40

yes you can absolutely get testosterone as part of hrt. You have to get a blood test after a few weeks to make sure you are not getting too much of it.

I got it and am still having periods. Nothing accidental about it. It works too!!!

onwardsup4 · 03/02/2025 22:59

Ilovelowry · 01/02/2025 17:43

I thought I'd totally lost interest. And then two years into HRT and a year after starting Testosterone AND after prolpase surgery, I found I could barely think about anything else. Bought new underwear, got the new Gillian Anderson book.

So I'm now 47 and want sex like I did when I was 25. I'm more surprised than you can imagine.

If you can't have oestrogen surely you can have testosterone or Addie (sp incorrect) and vaginal oestrogen?

Love it, hope at last! Googles Gillian Anderson book...

winfongdown · 04/02/2025 00:59

"
The problem with lube is it makes the men last even longer - which is already problematic as they already last longer as they age, right as it gets harder for our bodies to handle that. Darned if you do, darned if you don't."

Again - what have I just read? It's like a time warp 🤷‍♀️

farmlife2 · 04/02/2025 03:54

winfongdown · 04/02/2025 00:59

"
The problem with lube is it makes the men last even longer - which is already problematic as they already last longer as they age, right as it gets harder for our bodies to handle that. Darned if you do, darned if you don't."

Again - what have I just read? It's like a time warp 🤷‍♀️

It's important for women to be aware of these things. If no-one talks about them, we have no idea what is happening. I wish someone had informed me about these things.

Spanielsaremad · 04/02/2025 06:08

farmlife2 · 04/02/2025 03:54

It's important for women to be aware of these things. If no-one talks about them, we have no idea what is happening. I wish someone had informed me about these things.

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DH is 57 and definitely doesn't have this issue. I've never heard of it happening.

HollyCanDoAnything · 04/02/2025 09:45

@Nain5
"Boots do any excellent one at a reasonable price bluey green bottle"

Could you let me know what it's called. I had a look at the website, but nothing in a bluey green bottle. I've been happy with Yes VM for a while now but it's now just started to get mildly stingy.

Butterfly292828 · 04/02/2025 10:41

onwardsup4 · 03/02/2025 22:59

Love it, hope at last! Googles Gillian Anderson book...

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I certainly will look into that 👍🏻😊

Butterfly292828 · 04/02/2025 10:46

MB34 · 03/02/2025 22:16

I still have my womb. The "accidental" testosterone I got from a private consultant and when I saw an NHS consultant, he let me stay on it but in a different form.

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I’ll look into that 👍🏻😊

Blondiebeachbabe · 04/02/2025 10:48

This doesn't sound right at all.

I'm 55 and DH is 52. Still sexually active. My libido went down a bit, but is still very much alive and well. See your GP.

DragonFly98 · 04/02/2025 10:52

FortWalton · 01/02/2025 17:06

Vaginal atrophy ended my sex life in my early 60s. Even with treatment it was just too painful. However, in all honesty I lost interest in peri a good ten years before.

DH is still up for it and I do feel I am letting him down, but it isn't going to happen.

Sex isn’t just PIV though so you are not letting him down no loving husband would ever want you to be in pain.

onwardsup4 · 04/02/2025 11:13

😂 @WoolySnail lasting forever god no I'm with you on that one

Ilovelowry · 04/02/2025 11:28

onwardsup4 · 03/02/2025 22:59

Love it, hope at last! Googles Gillian Anderson book...

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Good. Hope it helps!

I had never heard of VA until I had it. Awful symptom of aging.

StrikeAlways · 04/02/2025 11:38

When my husband and I got together, I was 49 and he was 55. We were both rampant and it was wonderful until the last couple of years. I’m 66 in a few months and he is 71. We lost our libido around the same point (as I said, a couple of years ago). We still very much have chemistry and it pisses us both off. We are still ‘playful’ with each other though, so we still have intimacy. That will never leave us!.

Nain5 · 04/02/2025 13:24

HollyCanDoAnything · 04/02/2025 09:45

@Nain5
"Boots do any excellent one at a reasonable price bluey green bottle"

Could you let me know what it's called. I had a look at the website, but nothing in a bluey green bottle. I've been happy with Yes VM for a while now but it's now just started to get mildly stingy.

https://www.boots.com./boots-silkyy-lubricant-10341184 they have repackaged it since I last bought some 😀

Beauty | Health | Pharmacy and Prescriptions - Boots

Shop our extensive range of health and beauty products from leading brands, fragrances for her and him and much more on Boots.com

https://www.boots.com

FamilyFool · 04/02/2025 13:34

InDogweRust · 01/02/2025 17:28

I was chatting with friends about this only a few weeks ago. On here lots of people say they are still at it like rabbits in their 50s and later. In RL i have lots of friends who've said from early 40s/peri onwards, they just have very low libido and only have sex every few months. I make an effort about once a week, usually enjoy it etc but the drive is not there, i could easily without. I think a lot of women could.

Same here!
It's another job on the list and I could do without I think 🤔

lilkitten · 04/02/2025 14:19

47, together 18 years now, still a lot of sex. I had low libido after having my babies, but it came back, and probably better now that the kids have grown. Don't give up in your 40s!

TryingtobeElinor · 04/02/2025 15:09

20Past3 · 03/02/2025 12:40

it's interesting to see some people suggesting medical intervention and some suggesting therapist ( which i would never have considered tbh)

I'm early 60s, and all was good in that dept until about 2 years ago. DH is great shake, I'm very fit and healthy too. But PIV has become uncomfortable for me in the last 2 years or so. it can be ok, but just doesn't feel right or the same? I've mentioned this my two GPs, but just generic exam and said it's aging ( both are very nice, female, but also in late 20s only).

as another poster mentioned above, there are other things that can be done, and grabbing it can be easier and less messy, and DH is happy with that too 🙂

getting older introduces all kinds of changes, some very nice, but some not so nice. things change and we adapt??

Hi just wondered if either of the GPs you spoke to mentioned vaginal estrogen cream (Estriol), it really works wonders to rebuild you inside down there so that sex won't be uncomfortable (also helps with UTIs, general soreness, incontinence problems, preventing prolapse). It's like a magical cream :-)

It can take several weeks or even months to improve depending on how long the "aging" has been left untreated - but it's worth persevering with. The usual loading dose is a small prescribed amount daily for 2-4 weeks due to severity, then usually twice a week (even though some need it more than that)...long term. It's not something you just do for a few months. If you need estrogen down there because you're not producing enough, then you'll use this cream long term. It can be a faff to get used to the applicator but it's worth it for your physical health. There's also a tablet again inserted into the vagina if you find the cream too messy. There are options. Plesae don't suffer if you're uncomfortable, look at treating it in case it gets worse.

Speak to your GP, I think even those who can't take the usual oral/transdermal HRT may be cleared to take the Estriol cream as it's localised.

Diddlyumptious · 04/02/2025 16:43

Early 60's, married 30 years no desire to have sex though DH wants it 1/2 times a,week. Like many lost libido over menopause and never really came back. Marriage likely doomed as DH won't tolerate no sex, of any kind.

StrikeAlways · 04/02/2025 18:44

TryingtobeElinor · 04/02/2025 15:09

Hi just wondered if either of the GPs you spoke to mentioned vaginal estrogen cream (Estriol), it really works wonders to rebuild you inside down there so that sex won't be uncomfortable (also helps with UTIs, general soreness, incontinence problems, preventing prolapse). It's like a magical cream :-)

It can take several weeks or even months to improve depending on how long the "aging" has been left untreated - but it's worth persevering with. The usual loading dose is a small prescribed amount daily for 2-4 weeks due to severity, then usually twice a week (even though some need it more than that)...long term. It's not something you just do for a few months. If you need estrogen down there because you're not producing enough, then you'll use this cream long term. It can be a faff to get used to the applicator but it's worth it for your physical health. There's also a tablet again inserted into the vagina if you find the cream too messy. There are options. Plesae don't suffer if you're uncomfortable, look at treating it in case it gets worse.

Speak to your GP, I think even those who can't take the usual oral/transdermal HRT may be cleared to take the Estriol cream as it's localised.

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It’s also available in pessary form, as Vagifem. It helps greatly with vaginal atrophy, but also with other menopause/post-menopause symptoms of soreness and itching of the vulva. The usual dose is one twice a week. That was great for me for many years. Unfortunately, the soreness and itching became a real problem again last year. I discussed it with my GP, who in turn discussed it with the local Gynaecology dept. They confirmed that in the circumstances. I could double the dose. It’s mostly fine since doing that. That said, I’m pretty certain that penetrative sex would be very uncomfortable. Thinking about it makes me wince 😳

Sadly, as I said in an earlier post, the libido of both myself and my husband has fallen away in the last couple of years. Thankfully, it failed for both of us around the same time, so no unmet needs, or frustration, other than us both being really sad that it’s lost, as we used to have a great time together. For those who still have a libido though, vaginal atrophy surely only rules out vaginal penetration. There is so much more than that to do to each other to bring pleasure and satisfaction.