Would you have your kids again?

[Flowers665]

I don't have any and I don't know if I want any. I like having my nephew or neice for the day but I am EXHAUSTED by the end of the day and happy to hand them back. I can find it hard to fill the time with them. Also always really look forward to going back to having time to myself. I don't know if people will be honest but if you could go back would you have kids? I love being able to be selfish, spend all my time and money on myself.

Honestly, I’m torn, I love them to pieces and can’t imagine life without them….. but, I’m finding life really incredibly difficult at the moment. DS has lots of needs and that impacts on DD, so they’re both struggling and fighting constantly. I’m drained and sometimes wonder why on earth I chose this.

Yes, I absolutely would and I wish I'd had him younger so I could have had another... BUT I would have said no until he was probably five. I just really didn't enjoy the baby/toddler years at all. Six is brilliant though, and I wish I could do it again now I know it all works out in the end.

Of course I would. They're the best thing I've ever done. They're wonderful. It's fun. I love it.

I have 2 DC. I’ve found the early years difficult and sometimes I look in the mirror and struggle to know who I am anymore.

But I wouldn’t undo it now, not for anything. Nothing will ever come close to how I feel about them. The thought of waking up tomorrow and my DC not existing anymore is painful.

Being honest though, if I had been given an extended taste of parenting without the emotions attached for my own children, I think I would have at least thought twice.

Yes and no. I love them more than life itself but DS1 is autistic and his life is so hard and his anguish so painful for him and us to endure. I worry about his future since there are so few options for him if any to live a "good life". The psychiatrists have said he's a "complex" case meaning they have found no "cure" to his anguish. He has tried everything. Now resolved to just antidepressants and Tercian every evening to calm him down. Is that a life? Will it ever be better? So no, I don't think I would have had him again because he's not happy. DS2 yes yes yes. He's a sweetheart and he's happy so I feel confident that he can have a good life. And he is a joy to be around. Like you don't know how your children will be beforehand. I love my two sons but because I'm scared of what the future holds for one I would not recommend having children. I can't work and he always needs me so it's relentless....

Its a close one honestly, but yes, my life is better for having DC. But you have to be with a partner who pulls their weight 50:50. Without that support it would be relentless, so be very careful who you choose.

I used to have my nieces and felt the same way. I used to think it would be different with my own but it isn’t really. But your love for your own outweighs it all.

Yes 100% no doubt about it.
You are also right that it is relentless & exhausting but when they’re your kids it’s different & wonderful & the best thing ever.

Absolutely. Loved being a Mum when DCs were at home and love being an older Mum now they've flown the nest and DGCs are now around.

Most definitely yes! DS is wonderful.

100 %.

Having our eldest made both me and my husband better people. He is an incredible human being and when we get compliments on him and how well we have raised him it's just an amazing feeling.

Having our second healed our heart after baby loss. She's genuinely the kindest hearted person I've met and seeing her and her brother together is incredible. Their bond is amazing and I won't worry about them as long as they have each other

Yes. But you’ve made repeated arguments for why you don’t want any so don’t. I know a couple of people who deeply regret parenthood and you can’t give them back.

Bit of confirmation bias here. People only post about the problems with their kids.

They don't post about the fabulous times because it sounds smug and pointless. I could post about how incredibly proud they make me but why would I do that?

Spending time with other people’s children is the best contraceptive there is! Liking other people’s children and enjoying being a parent are completely different and separate.

Absolutely, they are adults now (4DS) but they bring me so much joy. I can not imagine life without them. It was very hard work when they were younger, but the fun, enthusiasm and sheer love of life they bring to our whole family make it so worthwhile

100%, it was bloody hard work as a lone parent, but they made my life i'd be lost without them..

The only thing I’d change is maybe have them closer together.

But I would 100% have all 3 of them over and over again

Absolutely I would. And we are still very much in the trenches with a 3yo and 1yo. It's hard, very hard at times, but they are also absolutely delightful.

I honestly don’t know what I’d be doing if I didn’t have my kids. They bring us and our wider family so much joy.

Honestly I’m not certain I would.. I definitely feel vaguely overall my quality of life is ‘worse’ now than pre parenting. Obviously from an entirely selfish POV. And I think I have it fairly easy tbh. I think it’s really detrimental to most women’s’ life chances, even beyond what we realise/recognise. I still think we are a very very very very long way off ‘equality’. I don’t think we’ll ever get it without an impossible shift now.

Absolutely yes.

The only thing I would change is to have been in a better place financially, in terms of job stability, housing and a partner that was sensible with budgeting and money.

I'd say you also need a decent support network.

Oh absolutely. I do find them hard work at the moment (well, the little one is and the combination of them both is hard) but I find them easy enough from three onwards. My eldest is four now and mostly a delight. I knew I wanted a family and as delightful as babies and toddlers are the sleep and the intensity of the days is tough going. But it eases off every six months you look back and realise how much better things are.

Yes absolutely I'd have them again, however I had my first at 17 so I'd have had her later and if I could choose I'd have them all with my now husband rather than my ex. I can't imagine how empty and depressing my life would be without them.

100% yes but I'd like to change the order please and have DD first. Just so I could be one of those relaxed new Mums who go for walks with sleeping babies and everyone tells them how well they are coping when they are actually doing F all, all day. Ds1 is 17 now and I still want to cry when I think of the hell that was my mat leave and the 3 years that followed. He was an incredibly difficult child. There is absolutely no comparison between an easy and difficult child.

I’m an introvert too and that’s part of why I absolutely love having my daughter. It feels like she’s a part of me, so I always get someone to talk to without it being the outside world 😂
However, I cope very well on little sleep.
I implemented a 6:30/7pm bedtime very early on and very strictly kept to it. That helped me have my alone time until I went to bed at like 11pm x

This is very reassuring to hear as I recognise myself in your description of yourself and am
considering a baby with my partner.