Would you have your kids again?

[Flowers665]

I don't have any and I don't know if I want any. I like having my nephew or neice for the day but I am EXHAUSTED by the end of the day and happy to hand them back. I can find it hard to fill the time with them. Also always really look forward to going back to having time to myself. I don't know if people will be honest but if you could go back would you have kids? I love being able to be selfish, spend all my time and money on myself.

Honestly, no.
Nothing to do with it being too much work, too expensive etc. I find all that stuff fine, ive 3 DC and like the busy interesting family life. But one has SEN and makes it very tough emotionally being their parent. Another seems to have anxiety and is constantly on high alert for an argument. So I'd choose no because I don't like how it's affected my temperament, my personality, maybe even my mental health.

When I was about 6, I was in a restaurant with my uncle (no children) and dad. The couple at the next table were coping with a toddler throwing food and a screaming infant. My uncle leaned over, and said…look what you have to look forward to. I decided in that moment, nope. Never wavered from that decision. I knew very early it was not for me and no regrets whatsoever.

I have 3 I love them all with my heart and would do anything for them and couldn't imagine life without them.
But.. to be really honest if I could go back, then no I wouldn't have kids. It's not about them being hard work, even though they are, it's the constant worry that comes with it and the fear of what lies ahead for them in this awful world we live in that's the worse. I've never known or suffered anxiety like I do until I had kids

There are times I wish I didn’t, I am in the thick of it. But I love them all so much. I miss who I used to be, but they have made me who I am today. And I am helping them be the person they will be in years to come. I never wanted children. I have 4 😂😂

It’s weird… I live in a constant state of fear deep down that something will happen to my young daughters because I love them so much and everything else in my life pales in comparison.
However, the day to day is a total grind and sometimes I have to remind myself “you are not managing an inconvenience, you are raising a human being”
it’s hard, yes I’d do it again, even with my neuro disease. Oh also, your own kids are a different deal, I’m not normally a “kid person”

I have 3 under 7.

I'd have them again in a heartbeat - no question.

They bring so much joy every day and there's no other love like it. Everything else pales into insignificance.

I used to find looking after my nieces and nephews exhausting before having my own children. Other people's children are more tiring - it's just the way it is.

Yes, absolutely

I absolutely would. But I lived my best life 18-38 and hopefully I’ll do some more fun things when I’m 58+. But I’ve known many people who just wanted kids to fit into their lives and then have had a miserable time at a festival/rave/long haul holiday.

I remember being up at 4am breastfeeding sleepily reminiscing about being at a full moon party in Kho Phangan at 4am and thinking this is what I want to be doing right now.

You just have to be realistic. Is it what you want?

Yes a billion times over. It’s hard at times but more than worth it.

I got married at 25, kids at 28 & 30 and wouldn't change anything.

We kind of stumbled in to being parents didn't really overthink and as a result had fun and a laid back time, obviously with dramas and hard work.

But I was younger, had energy and so so grateful I was able to have them at all as I have endometriosis. We are also incredibly lucky to have healthy kids.

We also met while we were overseas and I'd kind of maxed out life from A-levels, uni, traveling, working overseas I was ready for the next stage.

So short answer yep I'd do it all again.

Like a shot. They're everything to me.

The toddler years are the best!
They’re hilarious and throw a fit over the most ridiculous things.
Think of it like spending time with your very drunk best friend. Emotional over a snapped biscuit one minute, singing the next, shouting NO at you for something you didn’t even say, giving you the bed cuddles and telling you you’re “bootiful” and saying words like “cumbarbar” instead of cucumber.
As long as bedtime routine is STRICT and you follow through on any “threats”, you’ll love it! x

Yes. They are 3 and 7 and can be hard work but not a day goes by that I’m not grateful for them.

I would think carefully OP - you’ve mentioned how much you enjoy having time to yourself etc. which is hard, for years.

i absolutely love my kids and would have them again BUT it’s harder than I thought. They are 9 and 6 now, so getting less labour intensive but I really need time to myself to re group and feel happy and it’s been very hard having zero time. For a very long time there is never a moment when something doesn’t need to be done clearing up for them, washing clothes, tidying up, listening to reading, sorting school world book day events. I have put my own life in the back burner for 9 years and I really feel it, especially with no family near by to ever babysit or take them out for a day.

They are amazing but if they had needed extra help or experienced additional needs on top of all the other stuff it would have been very challenging.

Being a mother - which I never wanted until I was over 30 - has been the most rewarding, complex, challenging, wonderful thing in my life. I'm so grateful for my boys, and my DSD who taught me how lovely looking after a child could be. She's such a darling.

Totally, they are awesome people 😁

Definitely! I love being a mama!

The one thing I would change would have been to study my qualifications earlier, earn more and invest before having my DD, to allow me to work less and spend more time with her

Some people don’t want kids and that’s ok, but the love for a niece or nephew is in no way the same for a child of your own

I have a niece & two nephews & I was teens/ early twenties when they came along & it WAS exhausting but it was so different when I had my son, early 30's so maybe it was age but I just don't think there's a comparison, not with love, I love them all but my eye was always on the clock, knowing it was a temporary window frame, cinema, parades, funderland, softplay... always on the go but with an end in sight, with your own child you never clock off plus you're in charge of what they eat & bedtimes, basically their routine so it's not as chaotic plus you're not being the fun auntie always taking them somewhere

I just wish I didn't leave it as late

Likely to get lynched.. but no I probably wouldn't. It's so much harder than I realised. I do love my ds and would absolutely give my right arm for him. I spend a lot of time worrying about him and feeling horribly anxious as he likely has sen.

Yep.
I have some fabulous young adults in my life. They love me and DH and we love them. Bringing them up was bloody hard work and stressful at times but the pay-off now is wonderful.

Yes, though I know many friends and co-workers who said if they had to live their lives over again they wouldn't have dc.

My health would probably be in better shape, without children, but I wouldn’t change having them for anything. I’m thankful I had my children young. I definitely couldn’t manage to start over now.

Should probably add there were definitely times when it was hard and that I didn't think I could manage but in 20+ years I haven't regretted their existence one bit.

I would have them again, they bring me endless joy. I just wish I’d had another one to be honest! It is exhausting but worth every minute.

I absolutely would. I have three atm, but if I'd met DH earlier on in my life we'd probably have five! We're going to try again in summer for no. 4.

Yes, it's hard, but you get used to the grind. I find any alone time I do get to be extremely rewarding and well earned 😆