Page 13 | Would you have your kids again?

Flowers665 · 2025-01-31T20:26:27+00:00

I don't have any and I don't know if I want any. I like having my nephew or neice for the day but I am EXHAUSTED by the end of the day and happy to hand them back. I can find it hard to fill the time with them. Also always really look forward to going back to having time to myself. I don't know if people will be honest but if you could go back would you have kids? I love being able to be selfish, spend all my time and money on myself.

KnottyAuty · 01/02/2025 09:42

All kids are hard work but some take a lot more looking after! If there’s any neurodiversity in your (or DP’s) family tree then be prepared for a lot of extra and the possibility of an adult child who might struggle to live independently. I’m glad I had my kids and I love them dearly but I’m advising them to not feel at all guilty if they choose a child-free life and to enjoy their life just for themselves!

StrikeAlways · 01/02/2025 12:20

blueshoes · 31/01/2025 23:41

@ThisFluentBiscuit the dinkie childfree lifestyle is very seductive. What parent knee deep in childcare and relentless toil has not envied you. If dh and I did not have children, we would be retired by now mortgage-free with healthy savings and investments, fun experiences and lavish holidays.

I comfort myself that although I will retire later, dh and I will still have the opportunities to look outside ourselves, as you describe it, to volunteer and take up hobbies and pursue our interests. Once my youngest ds leaves home in September for university, I already have various projects planned.

You should read the threads where many, many MNs say that Grandparents are selfish and self-entitled if we do this instead if providing free childcare for their grandchildren 😂🤣

blueshoes · 01/02/2025 12:53

StrikeAlways · 01/02/2025 12:20

You should read the threads where many, many MNs say that Grandparents are selfish and self-entitled if we do this instead if providing free childcare for their grandchildren 😂🤣

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To be honest, I am not sure if I will even have the privilege of grandchildren. This is how it is with Gen Z. One child already says she does not want children. And not everyone who wants children can have them.

So I'd better develop my own interests, rather than pressure my dcs into having children. As for providing free childcare to grandchildren, it depends on how fit I am at that time. With Rachal Reeves' attack on inheritance, I might very well pay for dgcs' childcare, rather than commit my time.

iamnotalemon · 01/02/2025 12:55

farmlife2 · 01/02/2025 05:24

I'll admit it. There is one I would seriously consider not having, if I could go back in time.

Before you jump on me, she was a few years old when she became very sick, suffered for years, then died. I'm not sorry I had her but I'm not sure that the pain she suffered, or the pain and ongoing issues her death caused to my other children, makes it better to spare them all from it.

@farmlife2

I'm really sorry to hear that x

Seeingred70 · 01/02/2025 15:57

farmlife2 · 01/02/2025 05:24

I'll admit it. There is one I would seriously consider not having, if I could go back in time.

Before you jump on me, she was a few years old when she became very sick, suffered for years, then died. I'm not sorry I had her but I'm not sure that the pain she suffered, or the pain and ongoing issues her death caused to my other children, makes it better to spare them all from it.

I’m so sorry. I’m in the middle of this now - heartbreaking. Sending love and solidarity x

Yalta · 01/02/2025 15:59

KnottyAuty · 01/02/2025 09:42

All kids are hard work but some take a lot more looking after! If there’s any neurodiversity in your (or DP’s) family tree then be prepared for a lot of extra and the possibility of an adult child who might struggle to live independently. I’m glad I had my kids and I love them dearly but I’m advising them to not feel at all guilty if they choose a child-free life and to enjoy their life just for themselves!

I had 2 with ADHD

I wouldn’t be without them. They are an absolute blast.

If anything I found parenting them really easy most of the time and had a great time taking them on days out.
The only thing I found stressful was trying and failing to get them SEN provisions in school and it costing a fortune as one went to a specialised private school but the other didn’t get in. If anything that was the worse of all outcomes as I had to homeschool the one who didn’t get in.
1 lot of private school fees was hard on the finances 2 lots would have been better as I could have been free to work.

TrixieFatell · 01/02/2025 16:01

100 percent yes. I really love the people they are and enjoy spending time with them. The early years were intense but went by really quick

MaltipooMama · 01/02/2025 16:05

Oh god yes! My little boy is the best thing that has ever happened to me, if I could rewind time and start again from the beginning I'd do it. My second is due this year and I cannot wait. I'll be 40 next year so she'll be my last. If time was on my side I'd have loved at least another two!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 01/02/2025 16:12

StrikeAlways · 01/02/2025 12:20

You should read the threads where many, many MNs say that Grandparents are selfish and self-entitled if we do this instead if providing free childcare for their grandchildren 😂🤣

Show quote history

I don't have any of the DINK things mentioned here though, just wanted to say. I work in a low-paid arts job that I really love, so no early retirement and fat savings and investments for me! ExH was a workaholic so we rarely went on holiday. Not all child-free folk have the circs to do the big DINK thing. I think I just didn't want kids the way that some people just want them: They just do, and I just didn't. There wasn't some incredible luxe, moneyed life waiting for me because I didn't have them. I think OP should do what's right for HER. I always thought it was a bit dangerous if you don't want them to listen to everyone who says it's wonderful and different when they're your own. Because what if it isn't?

BruFord · 01/02/2025 16:20

@ThisFluentBiscuit I completely agree. What suits one person may not suit another-so just because your friend loves being a parent doesn’t mean that you will!
Now that we have reliable contraception that gives us choice (thank goodness), I feel that unless you actively want to have children, it’s probably best not to. I definitely wanted children so it was the right choice for me.

Of course some parents and childfree adults may have regrets, but you’re less likely to if you follow your own feelings and not let yourself be influenced by others.

Two of DH’s siblings live the DINK lifestyle with lots of travel, etc. DH and I don’t feel any stabs of envy, because we made the right choice for us, iyswim.

Worried74 · 01/02/2025 16:26

Categorically no I wouldn't have children again although I resent the implication often made that because I feel this way I don't love my children. They both have SEN and mental health issues. I have spent years fighting for provision, support, adjustments. You name it we have fought for it and still the fight goes on, it's never ending. My children struggle with every aspect of life, the good and the bad. However long I have left in this world will be spent trying to get them the help they need and dreading the day when they have to face the world without us. I envy those whose experience is different, I didn't sign up for the life I am living and feel dreadfully sorry that this is the life my children lead.

Swiftie1878 · 01/02/2025 16:27

I absolutely would. I had a child late and through IVF. I’m not sure my life would have felt complete without them, tbh. Biggest love of my life.

aspidernamedfluffy · 01/02/2025 16:43

Yes, but I had 1 child and no more (through choice), so it was never difficult or hard for me.

NowThatYouSayIt · 01/02/2025 16:45

aspidernamedfluffy · 01/02/2025 16:43

Yes, but I had 1 child and no more (through choice), so it was never difficult or hard for me.

I also think this isn’t said enough. Too many people have this odd idea that having a child means having children in the plural. It doesn’t have to. Certainly having one child by choice has made parenthood much more manageable and enjoyable.

PifandHercule · 01/02/2025 17:18

Yes, 100%

Boutonnière · 01/02/2025 17:22

Apart from the adjustments of the early years I loved every moment of raising my children, every new phase of development was so interesting. I’m proud of bringing two lovely people into the world.

HolyMoly24 · 01/02/2025 17:29

Yes I would because the love for them does outweigh how hard it is. It is very hard a lot of the time but also joyful a lot of the time too.

Unfortunately I can't even really remember what did when all my free time was my own!

mrstnov13 · 01/02/2025 17:35

Yes, I would have my children again but I would have them when I was younger. Parenthood is hard and it is pure joy. Nothing can prepare you for it.

Original poster

Flowers665 · 01/02/2025 17:58

blueshoes · 01/02/2025 12:53

To be honest, I am not sure if I will even have the privilege of grandchildren. This is how it is with Gen Z. One child already says she does not want children. And not everyone who wants children can have them.

So I'd better develop my own interests, rather than pressure my dcs into having children. As for providing free childcare to grandchildren, it depends on how fit I am at that time. With Rachal Reeves' attack on inheritance, I might very well pay for dgcs' childcare, rather than commit my time.

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Yeah, please don't pressurise your kids to have kids. I LOVE that my parents don't.

OP posts:

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/02/2025 18:07

Yeah, please don't pressurise your kids to have kids. I LOVE that my parents don't.

💯 My daughter doesn't want children, she's a teenager. I fully support her.
Again I couldn't imagine not choosing to have children again, though I certainly fantasise about the life I'd have lived with them.
If I'd have not had them, I'd definitely have been fulfilled in other ways.

Notaflippinclue · 01/02/2025 18:07

Married for 8 years before kids - cars - holidays - houses - get it out your system before you have kids then just enjoy them with all your ducks in a row

Hullabalooza · 01/02/2025 18:08

Yes a million times over. Also an introvert who struggles with broken sleep, but I look back at life without them and can’t imagine how empty it would feel, of course in reality it didn’t feel empty at all as I didn’t know any different. I felt happy and fulfilled. But this is just beautiful, a different level of purpose and a motivation to achieve the best you can in life.
Fwiw I’m not a particularly kid friendly person generally, I find other people’s children completely uninteresting and often irritating. So don’t use that to help you decide as it’s just not the same.

InDogweRust · 01/02/2025 18:09

Oh my gosh yes without a doubt. They are my world, they make me smile every single day. I'm so proud of them they are lovely.

Cornflakes44 · 01/02/2025 18:13

I wouldn't, I don't find it even nearly rewarding enough to offset all the awfulness. There's very little I enjoy about it tbh. But mine are both very young so I'm really hoping it gets better.

BruFord · 01/02/2025 20:35

Cornflakes44 · 01/02/2025 18:13

I wouldn't, I don't find it even nearly rewarding enough to offset all the awfulness. There's very little I enjoy about it tbh. But mine are both very young so I'm really hoping it gets better.

@Cornflakes44 I have older teens (19 and 16) and would say that it does get better, I’ve honestly forgotten about nappies and broken nights now. My two are fun, interesting people and with luck, we’ll enjoy each other’s company as adults for many decades.